The Wired Word for 05/11/2025  Full Document Contents/Articles/The Wired Word for 05112025.md, The Wired Word for 05/11/2025, The Wired Word. > [!note]+ Document Notes > tags: [#quaker-parenting, #faith-instruction, #spiritual-parenting, #wiredword, #gentle-parenting] > Author: The Wired Word Team > Source: The Wired Word – Weekly Lesson (May 11, 2025) > Reference: https://www.thewiredword.com > date created: 2025-05-11 08:45 > > # Title: 🕊️ Quaker-style Parenting for Our Time > <!-- deep-read:sections start --> ## Table of Contents: - [📝 Summary](#-summary) - [📖 Main Content](#-main-content) - [🗒️ Notes](#-notes) - [📖 References](#-references) - [🗣️ Paraphrase](#-paraphrase) - [📰 Newsletter](#-newsletter) - [✅ Action Items](#-action-items) - [🧪 Hypotheses](#-hypotheses) - [📊 Methodology](#-methodology) - [❓ Questions](#-questions) - [🔮 Future Research](#-future-research) - [💡 Implications](#-implications) - [🧠 Learning Styles Assessment](#-learning-styles-assessment) - [📊 Accessibility Assessment](#-accessibility-assessment) - [🌍 DEIB (Diversity, Equity, Inclusion, and Belonging) Assessment](#-deib-diversity-equity-inclusion-and-belonging-assessment) - [✅ Logical validity](#-logical-validity) - [🔍 DARVO Analysis Prompt](#-darvo-analysis-prompt) - [🔍 SEO Evaluation](#-seo-evaluation) - [🎯 Conclusion](#-conclusion) ## 📝 Summary: This lesson explores Quaker principles—Simplicity, Peace, Integrity, Community, Equality, and Stewardship (SPICES)—through the parenting reflections of journalist Gail Cornwall. Her story is used to examine how these values align with modern parenting psychology and Christian discipleship. The lesson also draws scriptural parallels, emphasizing non-coercive parenting styles that develop internal motivation and spiritual grounding in children. ## 📖 Main Content: Gail Cornwall shares a formative memory where her mother, instead of punishing her for a dangerous mistake, praised her honesty. This gentle response illustrates the embodiment of Quaker values. She uses the SPICES framework to explore how those values shaped her parenting and align with both scripture and psychological research. The Wired Word ties in biblical examples including Jesus' independent thinking, Paul's spiritual family, and Timothy's generational faith inheritance. ### 🗒️ Notes - **Simplicity**: - Prioritize needs over luxuries. - Value presence over possessions. - **Peace**: - Conflict is an opportunity for moral growth. - Develop cooperative problem-solving skills. - **Integrity**: - "Let your life speak" through consistent words and actions. - Children learn through modeled authenticity. - **Community**: - View talents as contributions to the whole. - Emphasize belonging and collaborative truth-seeking. - **Equality**: - Avoid authoritarianism; use guiding queries. - Respect children as full persons with agency. - **Stewardship**: - Teach justice in resource use. - Care for the Earth and one another, resisting materialism. - **Biblical Reflections**: - *Proverbs 22:6*: Teach to each child’s “bent,” not a fixed mold. - *Luke 2:46–51*: Jesus’ autonomy clashed with parental concern—resolved in mutual respect. - *Romans 16:13*: Spiritual mothering is a profound form of care. - *2 Timothy 1:5–14*: Faith can be a multigenerational deposit. ## 📖 References: - “Quaker Parents Were Ahead of Their Time,” The Atlantic - “On Quaker Mothering,” Friends Journal - “Should I Parent Like a Quaker?” Christ Community Chapel (Video) - “SPICES: The Quaker Testimonies,” Friends Journal - Quaker Parenting Initiative: https://quakerparenting.org ## 🗣️ Paraphrase: 1. *Original*: “Because there can be no one best way in Quaker parenting, I’m freed from feeling like every detail of every decision will lead only to perfect success or abject defeat.” *Paraphrased*: Since Quaker parenting doesn’t demand a single correct method, I feel liberated from obsessing over each choice leading to perfection or disaster. 2. *Original*: “Children who feel valued in this way, and who believe that what they do adds value, generally come to understand that they matter.” *Paraphrased*: When kids are treated as if they truly count and see their actions as meaningful, they begin to believe in their own worth. ## 📰 Newsletter: This week’s *Wired Word* dives into the SPICES of Quaker parenting—Simplicity, Peace, Integrity, Community, Equality, and Stewardship—and how these values not only shape children but nurture communities. With real-life stories and scripture connections from Proverbs, Luke, and 2 Timothy, it’s a deeply thoughtful exploration of parenting as discipleship. Great for families, mentors, and church leaders alike. Watch [this video from Christ Community Chapel](https://youtu.be/zyWo6T9U2lc) and reflect on how Jesus' interactions with children and disciples inspire modern-day faith formation. ## ✅ Action Items: - Integrate the SPICES framework into my open-source education presentations as a model of value-driven community engagement. - Create contributor onboarding materials that emphasize autonomy, integrity, and community—mirroring Quaker-inspired parenting. - Use this article to inform my parenting approach, especially in moments requiring non-reactive responses. - Add a slide in future DevRel talks on how Quaker methods model conflict transformation—useful in team dynamics. - Draw connections between “continuing revelation” and OSS iteration cycles when advocating for transparency in open governance. ## 🧪 Hypotheses: - Parenting frameworks grounded in religious values result in higher emotional resilience in children. - Value-based parenting aligns closely with OSS values like transparency, contribution, and meritocracy. ### 📊 Methodology: - Use qualitative interviews with faith-based parents practicing SPICES-aligned methods. - Cross-reference emotional development scores with traditional disciplinary methods. - Examine cultural data on parental conflict resolution in collaborative development environments. ### ❓ Questions: - Can spiritual parenting frameworks shape community ethics in OSS? - What happens when children’s “bent” conflicts with community norms? - How can churches scaffold parenting support across different theological views? ### 🔮 Future Research: - Cross-cultural comparisons of spiritually-grounded parenting values. - Long-term developmental outcomes in Quaker-parented children vs. authoritarian models. - Applications of SPICES in educational leadership and open-source community management. ### 💡 Implications: - Better understanding of Quaker-informed parenting could influence conflict resolution methods in both education and OSS. - Helps create safer, more equitable environments for children and contributors alike. - Reinforces the value of agency and autonomy across diverse ecosystems. ### 🧠 Learning Styles Assessment: - **Visual**: Missing—could benefit from SPICES diagram or infographic. - **Auditory**: Includes video link—good start. - **Verbal**: Rich language and biblical references support linguistic learners. - **Physical**: No hands-on application—suggest reflective journaling or parenting simulations. - **Logical**: Reasoned structure around values and cause-effect behaviors supports analytical thinking. - **Social**: Scripture discussion questions foster interpersonal learning. - **Solitary**: Encourages self-reflection via personal parenting memories. - **Naturalistic**: Touched lightly in “Stewardship”—could improve with Earth-focused examples. ### 📊 Accessibility Assessment: - Alt text needs confirmation for embedded media. - Structure is readable, but long paragraphs may overwhelm screen readers. - Good font size assumed but unknown contrast. - No interactivity present—could add audio summaries or transcripts. ### 🌍 DEIB (Diversity, Equity, Inclusion, and Belonging) Assessment: - Strong emphasis on respect and equality across differences. - Language is mostly inclusive, though “mothering” is gender-specific. - Neurodiverse-friendly in concept, but presentation could improve with clearer formatting. - Cultural parallels appreciated (e.g., Korean doljanchi)—more could be added. ### ✅ Logical validity: - **Strengths**: - Clear causal reasoning: modeling values yields behavior internalization. - Strong inductive reasoning: Cornwall’s story connected to SPICES and to research. - Ethical reasoning: parenting as stewardship and justice. - **No fallacies noted**. - Avoids dichotomies (“one right way”). - Acknowledges nuance via “continuing revelation.” ### 🔍 DARVO Analysis Prompt: - **Deny**: Not present. - **Attack**: Not present. - **Reverse Victim and Offender**: Not present. - **Tone**: Gentle, reflective, affirming. - The content promotes healing and accountability, not defensive posturing. ### 🔍 SEO Evaluation: - **Keywords**: Parenting, Quaker values, SPICES, child development. - **Meta**: Needs to be crafted manually—suggest: “Quaker Parenting Values: SPICES for Raising Faithful, Emotionally Healthy Children.” - **Title Tag**: Optimal length and clear. - **Headers**: Present and structured. - **Length**: Excellent for in-depth SEO (2,500+ words). - **Links**: Strong mix of internal/external. - **Mobile**: Unknown—responsive design should be confirmed. - **Engagement**: Discussion questions and video boost engagement. - **Schema**: Could be enhanced with Article and FAQ schema. - **Sharing**: Add Open Graph tags for preview. ## 🎯 Conclusion: Quaker-style parenting, as outlined in this Wired Word lesson, offers a deeply compassionate, spiritually aligned approach to raising children and guiding communities. By emphasizing simplicity, peace, integrity, community, equality, and stewardship, it not only nurtures the next generation but offers a powerful model for leadership, education, and collaboration—especially relevant in faith-based and open-source circles alike. <!-- deep-read:sections end --> ## Highlights - hildren are not lesser proto adults, but fellow beings worthy of respect and agency regardless of their behavior" because "there is 'that of God' in every person," ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01jtzpxgj8km71pp09qp6tg6n3)) - 1. As you reflect on your parenting experiences, or on your experiences in childhood, what approach to a parenting situation was especially memorable, either because it was fulfilling, or not particularly helpful? 2. When have you ever been at a loss as to how to deal with a child-rearing situation? How, if at all, did your faith or your community of faith assist you with that dilemma? 3. The Bible has so much to say on how to be a good child, or parent. How do you use the Bible in your own approach to parenting? In the way you instruct your children? 4. What values, knowledge and skills will children need to live in the world of tomorrow? 5. What is a parent's role in nurturing children so they can lead meaningful and satisfying lives? ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01jtzpasv62rva3c5vvky5nw48)) - Note: ## ✨ Reflections on Parenting and Faith ### 1. **A Memorable Parenting Moment** One especially fulfilling parenting moment came when my older son, who is autistic and has ADHD, was overwhelmed by a change in routine and melted down in a public place. Instead of defaulting to control or discipline, I got down on his level, regulated my own breathing, and co-regulated with him until he felt safe again. A passerby whispered, “You’re doing a great job,” and I nearly cried. It was a reminder that connection—especially when behavior is challenging—is far more powerful than correction. In contrast, I remember from my own childhood the heavy emphasis on punishment and shame. While well-intentioned, it led me to mask my struggles rather than grow through them. That memory shapes my commitment to raising my children with honesty, empathy, and consent. --- ### 2. **When I Felt at a Loss** I’ve found myself at a loss when my younger child, who is pathologically demand avoidant, resists even basic daily care like eating or brushing teeth. Traditional parenting books offer little help in these moments. What has steadied me is the theology of intrinsic worth—that each child is fully made in the image of God, not a “project” to be fixed. The patience and support of a few members of my church community—those who understand neurodiversity—has been life-giving. They didn’t offer solutions. They offered presence. And sometimes that’s exactly what’s needed. --- ### 3. **Using the Bible in Parenting** We use Scripture more like a compass than a rulebook. Proverbs 22:6, for example, isn't about enforcing a “right” path but discerning the natural bent of each child. I see parenting as sacred discipleship: guiding with curiosity, asking questions like Jesus did in the temple, and modeling forgiveness as a rhythm of grace. We read Bible stories together, not to moralize, but to wonder aloud: *Why do you think Jesus stopped for the children?* *What does it mean that Timothy’s grandma taught him about faith?* This invites my children to see faith as relational, not rigid. --- ### 4. **Skills for Tomorrow’s World** Children will need: - **Adaptability** – to navigate continuous change. - **Compassion** – because technology can’t replace empathy. - **Discernment** – to evaluate media and messages. - **Community-mindedness** – for collaboration and leadership. - **Resilience** – rooted in reflection and connection, not grit alone. - **Stewardship** – of both creation and their own wellness. --- ### 5. **The Parent’s Role** A parent’s role is to be a **mirror** and a **scaffold**: - A *mirror* to reflect a child’s God-given worth. - A *scaffold* to support their growth without controlling it. It means: - Holding space for big emotions and big questions. - Modeling what repair looks like after mistakes. - Trusting that we are cultivating good soil—not controlling outcomes. Our goal is not to mold children into our image, but to co-labor with God in helping them become fully themselves. --- - 1. Which of our beliefs and spiritual practices are most relevant to parenting? ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01jtzph6mg27q8x05xqfj7vgfv)) - Note: ### 1. **Which of our beliefs and spiritual practices are most relevant to parenting?** Several core beliefs and spiritual practices deeply influence my parenting approach: #### **1.1 Imago Dei (Image of God)** - I believe every child, regardless of age or behavior, is made in the image of God. - This reframes discipline: not as correction of a broken vessel, but care for a beloved soul-in-formation. - It also challenges ableism, reminding me that neurodiverse children reflect God's creativity, not deficiency. #### **1.2 Grace Over Perfection** - Parenting often reveals my own limits, and it’s in those moments that grace—not shame—does its best work. - I try to model confession and forgiveness at home: “I’m sorry I yelled. Can we try again?” - Grace gives both children and adults room to grow, not fear of failure. #### **1.3 Spiritual Discernment** - Instead of rigid control, I lean into discernment—seeking the Spirit’s guidance in how to respond, not just react. - Quaker silence, or “holy listening,” influences how I pause before offering advice or consequences. #### **1.4 Sabbath and Rhythm** - Sabbath isn’t just a day off—it’s a rhythm of rest and presence. - I try to protect space where we’re not busy, rushed, or solving problems—just being together. Parenting needs margin. #### **1.5 Community as Family** - I believe the Church is called to act as a family, which means support doesn’t end with biological parents. - Spiritual aunts, uncles, elders, and mentors play a vital role in helping raise emotionally and spiritually healthy children. - This is especially important for families of children with disabilities, where isolation is common. #### **1.6 Scripture as Story, Not Rulebook** - We use Scripture to shape character and spark conversation—not enforce compliance. - Stories of Jesus’ tenderness with children (Mark 10), his questioning of the teachers (Luke 2), and the legacy of Lois and Eunice (2 Timothy 1) give us models of spiritual formation through relationship. --- Together, these beliefs and practices remind me that parenting is holy work—slow, sacred, and best done in community. - 2. React to this, from author Bock Cherice: "It's a struggle not to force my own opinions on [my sons], and instead, to trust the Spirit to mold them into the people they are called to be. It's a struggle, too, to know the things to take a stand about, which things don't matter, and which ones should be their choice instead of mine. ... I also want to teach my kids other Quaker values and beliefs but leave room for them to choose their own path. ... I want to encourage my sons to think for themselves and not obey blindly -- at least not obey anyone else blindly! But I often catch myself wanting them to obey me blindly, because I know what's best for them! At least, that's what I convince myself." ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01jtzpjcz1jjc37pw1rzcj77ht)) - Note: ### 2. 🧠 Response to Bock Cherice’s Reflection on Parenting and Control > *“It's a struggle not to force my own opinions on [my sons], and instead, to trust the Spirit to mold them into the people they are called to be…” – Bock Cherice* This reflection hits directly at the spiritual tension many of us feel as parents—especially those of us trying to break from authoritarian patterns we may have inherited. #### **Trusting the Spirit vs. Controlling the Outcome** - It’s deeply humbling to acknowledge that my children are not extensions of me—they are image-bearers of God with their own callings, curiosities, and convictions. - And yet, the urge to control—to shortcut the Spirit’s work by enforcing *my* certainty—often creeps in. Especially when I’m tired. Or scared. Or when the stakes feel high. #### **When Obedience Becomes About Ego** - Cherice's confession about wanting blind obedience “because I know what’s best” resonates powerfully. - It surfaces a painful truth: Sometimes what I label as *wisdom* is actually *anxiety* in disguise. - The call here is to parent from a place of surrendered leadership—not fearful management. #### **Holding Space for Independent Faith** - Teaching Quaker values (or Christian ones broadly) means modeling them, not mandating them. - If I want my children to *choose* peace, simplicity, and equality, I must also respect their agency—even when their choices are messy or unpolished. - This is slow discipleship, not instant programming. #### **The Inner Work of Parenting** - Cherice reminds us that parenting is as much about our transformation as theirs. - The hardest part isn’t teaching values—it’s letting go of control and trusting God enough to leave sacred space for our children’s freedom. --- ### 🧎‍♀️ Closing Reflection: > “Lord, help me guide without gripping, teach without demanding, and trust that your Spirit is better at forming souls than my fear is.” - 3. List five qualities you want your adult children to have. Focus on the big picture, on the kind of people you hope your children are becoming, not on what they may acquire or achieve or the career they may have. How are you embodying those qualities as you parent your children? How will you nurture and protect these qualities in your children, in yourself? ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01jtzpkt2rzg9r005tjk5bqaja)) - Note: ### 3. 🌱 Five Qualities I Hope My Children Grow Into—and How I Nurture Them #### **1. Compassionate** I want my children to be the kind of people who notice when someone is hurting and move toward them with empathy—not judgment. **How I embody this:** - I model compassion by how I respond when *they* are upset or dysregulated. I try to say, “You’re having a hard time” instead of “You’re being difficult.” - I offer them language for feelings and the safety to express them. **How I nurture it in them:** - We read books with diverse characters and talk about others’ experiences. - I invite them to ask, “How can I help?” when they notice someone struggling. --- #### **2. Curious** I hope my children never stop asking questions—even the uncomfortable or inconvenient ones. Faith, science, friendship—nothing is off-limits. **How I embody this:** - I admit when I don’t know the answer and say, “Let’s find out together.” - I treat their questions with seriousness, not shame. **How I nurture it in them:** - I give them time to explore what they love, even if it’s not what I’d choose. - I try not to correct unnecessarily—sometimes wonder matters more than accuracy. --- #### **3. Resilient** I want them to know that failure isn’t the end—it’s feedback. That being brave and being scared often go hand in hand. **How I embody this:** - I name my own failures and what I’ve learned from them. - I narrate my repair work: “I yelled, but I’ve taken a breath and I want to try again.” **How I nurture it in them:** - I celebrate effort and process more than outcomes. - I let them struggle a little, offering support without rescuing too quickly. --- #### **4. Just and Inclusive** I want them to stand up for what’s right, especially when it’s costly. To make room at the table for people who’ve been pushed to the margins. **How I embody this:** - I talk openly about fairness, equity, and systemic injustice—even when it’s complex. - I name my own biases and do the work to unlearn them. **How I nurture it in them:** - We include diverse voices in our media and conversations. - I model interrupting exclusion and invite them to do the same—with kindness and courage. --- #### **5. Grounded in Belovedness** I want them to know—deep in their bones—that they are loved. Not for what they do, but for who they are. **How I embody this:** - I offer unconditional presence even when they’re struggling. - I separate their identity from their behavior when I correct or guide. **How I nurture it in them:** - I say often: “You don’t have to earn my love. It’s already yours.” - I remind them that God’s love is even more sure than mine. --- ### 🌟 Final Thought: Parenting isn't about producing perfect people—it's about tending to the soil of a soul with faith that God will bring the growth. These five qualities reflect the fruit I hope to see, not because I control the outcome, but because I’ve committed to the work of love, presence, and trust. - 4. Koreans observe a baby's first birthday, called [*doljanchi*](https://u14323725.ct.sendgrid.net/ls/click?upn=u001.kR2s0BHA4IMM0a9cQYZVPCwBIZqUpwwOd8CtyZyo95Ze-2BWG3cMm6qRQArhHvcwED1Nn2QIuIUe74F37cSwEExQ-3D-3DnqzB_-2FDMt8DmC0b3MPPPEfxHbnxzgfJsbXDNMpwCP9nNwhUmwW6wkyKFLFNgtWOsfoWlqzJWknYznvBlIhQrMvSLcaZdhhbJIKGm-2F5qmCcYPIpJSn2obb9skqJf4MgaypxrLi7oLPa8a7eS7JtzjOXCCX8BHD-2F4cv9wFI-2FUH-2BL75pc25Hbh6RKf8EPZebHASiEu2b1aGXbOqJQ3Dnm6HAk92YmdWsexrzlD2fV2-2BkgAZIBcl-2BJOX8UETWmtvxCDbsBDceRMR25A9QYB-2FWAhfX7ZHNvTcqnt6V5cIxav-2BtRT2QNOiae1LUgl2U2cOEmDPTbBm-2BN908G3dazMulO-2F4RFwDfkBRNYrt-2BQEMqrMCUJnIDFS6p-2B2ld6-2BCnE36VuINrn5-2Fb5V5n5BxPdHPbivHB88mCwQCCizBtuK3b05tWfnf2ViFZkJQhbxGPqJV758uuszdtQ-2B61Rptbw6gRl-2F0ObLMyNtoyuaxO12qCmeRIvL234cM-3D), with a celebration that includes the *doljabi* ceremony, during which the child is seated before a table on which are placed several objects. The child is encouraged to pick one. Whichever item the infant touches first supposedly indicates what the future holds in store for him or her. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01jtzpn2thszwgqwchnjnpv03t)) - Note: ### 4. 🎂 Reflecting on Doljanchi and the Doljabi Ceremony The *doljanchi* is a beautiful, symbolic tradition that honors a child’s first birthday with joyful community, intention, and the acknowledgment of infinite possibility. The *doljabi* portion especially resonates with me as a parent because it represents both **choice** and **hope**—two themes I deeply value. #### ✋ If I Were to Create a Doljabi Table for My Children Today… Here’s what I would place on the table, and what each item might represent—not as predictions, but invitations to their calling. - **A paintbrush** – *Creativity and self-expression*, whether in art, code, words, or music. - **A book** – *Wisdom and discernment*, reflecting their love of learning and reflective thinking. - **A compass** – *Direction and purpose*, the freedom to follow their own path, not mine. - **A stethoscope** – *Compassionate care*, whether for bodies, minds, or communities. - **A seed packet** – *Stewardship and hope*, symbolic of tending to the earth and their relationships. - **A candle** – *Spiritual light*, to remind them that their inner light matters more than any title or achievement. #### ❤️ What I Might Secretly Hope They’d Choose As much as I want to leave space for autonomy, I’d feel a pull toward the compass. Not because I want them to follow a specific route—but because I want them to know they always have a true north. That they are guided by God’s Spirit, by their conscience, and by the grounding knowledge that they are loved no matter which way they go. #### 🔄 Parallels to Quaker Parenting The *doljabi* reflects what Quaker parenting emphasizes: - *Observing, not prescribing*. - *Celebrating the child’s uniqueness* rather than shaping them into a mold. - *Trusting that the future is a co-creation*—between the child, their community, and the Spirit. In many ways, the doljabi asks the same question that Jesus did in the temple: *“What are you drawn to? What do you seek?”* And just like Mary and Joseph, we may not fully understand—but we can treasure it in our hearts. --- ### 🌱 Final Reflection: Instead of charting my children’s futures, I want to bless the ground beneath their feet. I want to name what I see in them, hold space for what I don’t yet see, and trust that what they reach for is sacred in its own way.