The Wired Word for 06212026 - CourtneyR.dev's 2nd Brain

The Wired Word for 06/21/2026 ![rw-book-cover](https://readwise-assets.s3.amazonaws.com/static/images/article4.6bc1851654a0.png) 🔗 **Source:** [The Wired Word for 06/21/2026]() > [!note]+ Document Notes > --- > tags: [friendship, mens-friendship, social-isolation, christian-community, spiritual-formation, bible-study] > author: The Wired Word > source: The Wired Word (Communication Resources) > reference: https://read.readwise.io/read/01kvbmdx6de5e1q8efhwwpybqf > date created: 2026-06-17 16:45 > --- > # 🏷️ Title: The Wired Word for 06/21/2026 — Research Reveals That Men Are Losing Friends > ## 🧭 Table of Contents > - [📝 Summary](#-summary) > - [📖 Main Content](#-main-content) > - [🗒️ Notes](#️-notes) > - [📚 References](#-references) > - [🗣️ Paraphrase](#️-paraphrase) > - [📰 Newsletter](#-newsletter) > - [✅ Action Items](#-action-items) > - [🧪 Hypotheses](#-hypotheses) > - [📊 Methodology](#-methodology) > - [❓ Questions](#-questions) > - [🔮 Future Research](#-future-research) > - [💡 Implications](#-implications) > - [🧠 Learning Styles Assessment](#-learning-styles-assessment) > - [📊 Accessibility Assessment](#-accessibility-assessment) > - [🌍 DEIB Assessment](#-deib-assessment) > - [✅ Logical Validity](#-logical-validity) > - [🛡️ DARVO Analysis](#-darvo-analysis) > - [🎯 Conclusion](#-conclusion) > ### 🔗 References > - ['Pick Your Ten' — The Eternally Radical Idea (Greg Lukianoff)](https://www.thefire.org) > - [Why Friendships Among Men Are So Important — Greater Good Magazine](https://greatergood.berkeley.edu) > - [Where Have All My Deep Male Friendships Gone? — The New York Times](https://www.nytimes.com) > ## 📝 Summary > - **What happened.** This Father's Day issue of The Wired Word pairs a current-events story — research showing men have markedly fewer close friends than a generation ago — with a Bible study on friendship (David & Jonathan, Proverbs 27, John 15, Acts 4). It opens with Greg Lukianoff's "Pick Your Ten" advice: identify the small set of people whose judgment you trust to tell you hard truths, and measure yourself against them when the crowd is screaming. > - **Why it matters.** It connects a real well-being problem (male social isolation) to a faith framework and a concrete practice, aimed at small-group/Bible-study discussion. For a church/community context it's both diagnostic (why men's friendships erode) and prescriptive (activity-based, side-by-side bonding; the church as a place to foster it). > - **Key stakeholders.** Men (the focal group), congregations and small-group leaders, families, and anyone designing community programs. For Courtney: Faith & Theology / Spiritual Formation work and small-group facilitation. > - **Risks and tradeoffs.** The data is summarized loosely (one survey statistic, secondary reporting); the "models of masculinity" causal claim is asserted, not demonstrated. The piece briefly references one figure's depression/suicidality as context — handled here without amplification. > - **Bottom line.** Friendship — especially deep, truth-telling male friendship — is a buffer against stress and a flourishing-of-life practice the church is well-positioned to foster; the actionable cores are "pick your ten" and "find a shared activity." > ## 📖 Main Content > - **The "Pick Your Ten" frame.** Greg Lukianoff (president of FIRE), describing burnout and depression from culture-war work, shares a mentor's advice: choose ~10 people who know and love you enough to tell you the truth, and when the internet is "losing its mind," ask what *they* would think. Criteria: people whose judgment you trust more than your mood on a bad day, some capable of hard truths "without cruelty or relish," not merely those who agree with you. > - **The decline in male friendship (the news).** Per a Survey Center on American Life report, only **27% of men in 2021** said they had at least six close friends, down from **55% in 1990**. Causes cited: declining involvement in civic and religious organizations; workplace changes (longer commutes, remote work); pandemic isolation (affecting women too); and models of masculinity that discourage boys from expressing emotion or seeking comfort from other boys. > - **The barriers.** Men report *wanting* to hang out but lacking time (little kids, demanding jobs); a "stigma around asking another man to hang out" that "feels higher stakes" than it does for their wives. > - **Why it matters for men specifically.** Early-adulthood male friendships buffer against stress; men look to other men for loyalty, truth-telling, and help, and—feeling best understood by other men—can find these bonds even more fulfilling than romantic relationships. > - **The mechanism / how to build it.** The key is a **shared activity**. "Side-by-side play" (golf, cars, projects) lowers the stakes; doing it regularly opens doors to deeper sharing ("I had a rough morning… my wife's in cancer treatment"). Groups can form around anything — movies, vintage cars, mission projects, or Bible study. > - **The scriptural reflection.** Four passages: **1 Samuel 18** (Jonathan's "soul bond" with David, sealed by covenant and the gift of his garments/armor), **Proverbs 27** ("well meant are the wounds a friend inflicts"; "iron sharpens iron"), **John 15** (Jesus calls disciples "friends," not servants — "no greater love than to lay down one's life"), and **Acts 4** (the Jerusalem community holding everything in common; Barnabas, "son of encouragement"). A recurring TWW joke: "Nobody talks about Jesus' greatest miracle — having 12 close friends in his 30s." > - **The call to action.** Reach out to a friend not seen recently; meet for a shared activity or coffee; give thanks for friends and strengthen the bonds. > ### 🗒️ Notes > - **Headline statistic:** men with ≥6 close friends fell from 55% (1990) → 27% (2021). > - **"Pick Your Ten"** = a trusted-judgment council as an antidote to crowd/online pressure; truth-tellers "without cruelty or relish." > - **Causes of decline:** less civic/religious involvement, workplace/commute/remote changes, pandemic, restrictive masculinity norms ("boys… should not express emotions"). > - **Barrier:** time scarcity + stigma of "asking another man to hang out" (higher-stakes than for women). > - **Mechanism:** shared activity → "side-by-side play" → safe openings for vulnerability. > - **Scripture arc:** soul-bond covenant (David/Jonathan) → loving rebuke (Proverbs 27) → friend-not-servant (John 15) → friendship-as-shared-life (Acts 4). > - **Church angle:** congregations as natural venues for activity-based, truth-telling friendship; Bill Tammeus's 40-year men's group (weekly since the early 1980s) as a living example. > - **Care note:** the Lukianoff context mentions depression/suicidality; treated as background, not amplified. > ## 📚 References > - [The Eternally Radical Idea — "Pick Your Ten" (Greg Lukianoff)](https://www.thefire.org) > - [Greater Good Magazine — Why Friendships Among Men Are So Important](https://greatergood.berkeley.edu) > - [The New York Times — Where Have All My Deep Male Friendships Gone? (Sam Graham-Felsen)](https://www.nytimes.com) > - [Survey Center on American Life — American Perspectives Survey (friendship data)](https://www.americansurveycenter.org) > - Scripture: 1 Samuel 18:1-5; Proverbs 27:1-22; John 15:12-17; Acts 4:32-37; 2 Samuel 9:7; Proverbs 17:17 > ## 🗣️ Paraphrase > - The issue frames Father's Day around the value of friendship for men and how to foster it. > - Lukianoff's mentor's advice — "pick ten" trusted truth-tellers — is offered as a sanity-preserving practice against crowd pressure. > - Research shows a steep decline in men's close friendships since 1990, driven by civic/religious disengagement, work patterns, the pandemic, and restrictive masculinity norms. > - Men want connection but face time pressure and a stigma around initiating it; shared activities are the proven on-ramp to deeper male friendship. > - Scripture models deep friendship (David/Jonathan), loving honesty (Proverbs), friend-not-servant intimacy (John 15), and shared-life generosity (Acts 4). > - The church is positioned to foster such bonds; the call is to reach out and strengthen an existing friendship this week. > ## 📰 Newsletter > **This week's Wired Word: men, friendship, and "pick your ten"** > A strong Father's Day study. The hook is Greg Lukianoff's "Pick Your Ten" — name the handful of people whose judgment you trust enough to hear hard truths from, and when the internet is losing its mind, ask what Dear Class Members, Research is revealing that men have fewer friends these days, which can hurt their well-being. As our attention is drawn to men on Father’s Day, this installment of *The Wired Word* will focus on the value of friendship, especially for men, and how such relationships can be fostered. ![](https://www.thewiredword.com/_img/tww_logo_email.jpg) **Research Reveals That Men Are Losing Friends** ***The Wired Word*** **for the Week of June 21, 2026** **In the News** Greg Lukianoff is the president of a group called FIRE: Foundation for Individual Rights and Expression. The group was founded in 1999 to defend free speech, due process and freedom of conscience on college campuses. In a recent essay, he admitted to "being stuck in the middle of the culture war," and said that he "became clinically depressed and suicidal as a result of this work." TWW consultant James Gruetzner says that Lukianoff often gets attacked from both the political left and the political right. Lukianoff shared some advice he received from a mentor on how to keep an even keel: *Pick ten good friends*. "Figure out who the small number of people are whose judgment you genuinely trust, the people who know you well enough and love you enough to tell you the truth when you are wrong," wrote Lukianoff. "Then, when the crowd is screaming, when the internet is losing its mind, when strangers are confidently informing you who you are and why you did what you did, bring it back to those ten. Ask yourself what they would think. Ask yourself whether they would be disappointed in you. Ask yourself whether they would tell you that you had acted unfairly, or out of vanity, tribalism, or cowardice." The advice to pick ten good friends was life-changing for Lukianoff, and now he recommends it to others. "It is useful for almost anyone trying to keep their sanity and decency in a society that makes it very easy to lose both," he said. "So, pick your ten. Make sure they are people who *really* know you. Make sure at least some of them are capable of telling you hard truths without cruelty or relish. Make sure they are not merely people who agree with you, but people whose judgment you trust more than you trust your mood on a bad day." Picking good friends is excellent advice, but unfortunately men have fewer friends these days, which is hurting their well-being. According to a recent American Survey report, men have fewer social ties than they did in years past, with only 27% of men in 2021 saying that they had at least six close friends. In 1990, 55% said they had this number of friends. Such a loss of friends is likely having a negative impact on health and happiness. The drop in friendships among men has been linked to declining involvement in civic and religious organizations, as well as changes in the workplace -- such as longer commutes and working from home. The isolation of the pandemic has been a contributing factor as well, for women as well as for men. In addition, certain models of masculinity can hamper the development of close relationships. "This starts at a young age," reports *Greater Good Magazine*, "when boys are given the message they should not express their emotions or seek emotional comfort from other boys." "Most men I know say they'd *like* to hang out more but don't have time," wrote Sam Graham-Felsen in *The New York Times*. "They have little kids or demanding jobs or both, and if they have a second to breathe, they're going to spend it with their partners." One friend said to him, "I have a family now. Why would I want to hang out with friends? What would I get out of it?" Another recently left a high-stress career and is trying to spend more time with friends. But he has discovered an uncomfortable truth: "There's a stigma around asking another man to hang out. It feels higher stakes for me than it does for my wife." Such relationships should be encouraged, however, since the friendships that men forge with other men in early adulthood can help to buffer them against stress. Men can look to other men for loyalty and for truth-telling, and for help in times of need. Since men tend to feel that they are best understood by other men, these friendships can sometimes be even more fulfilling than romantic relationships with women. The key to developing such friendships, according to experts, is to find an activity that brings men together. "[Men] start off talking about their cars first, and then the conversation goes into their relationships," said Daniel Ellenberg, a relationship expert and leadership trainer. "Finding common interests is a good jumping-off point for men." Boys and men tend to engage in "side-by-side play," observed psychologist Fred Rabinowitz, enjoying activities that do not involve face-to-face interactions. But sometimes intimacy can grow, said Rabinowitz, because if you do these activities regularly, opportunities to share personal issues can arise. "If you're playing golf with someone, you can focus on golf. But then if someone says, 'I had a rough morning, you know, my wife's in cancer treatment,' it's a way of opening up the door to have a conversation about that in a safe way," he said.  Outside of sports, Ellenberg said that men can find or form groups that share a common interest. Such groups can be centered around anything -- movies, vintage cars, community mission projects or Bible study -- that will lead to conversation, personal sharing and the deepening of friendship. More on this story can be found at these links: '[Pick Your Ten': The Best Advice I Ever Got in My Life.](https://u14323725.ct.sendgrid.net/ls/click?upn=u001.kR2s0BHA4IMM0a9cQYZVPJVVNJeeCwjay-2FsuMvpjjNqhHWcxACicBWkHhiJ-2FXSo5pkvvo8HoODJuAVOJVoZoFoWb77pK-2B2bdzxTXdtij1I37uBhmafX0Nk-2FxNS8Qe0oImDVx_-2FDMt8DmC0b3MPPPEfxHbnxzgfJsbXDNMpwCP9nNwhUmwW6wkyKFLFNgtWOsfoWlqzJWknYznvBlIhQrMvSLcaZdhhbJIKGm-2F5qmCcYPIpJSn2obb9skqJf4MgaypxrLi7oLPa8a7eS7JtzjOXCCX8BHD-2F4cv9wFI-2FUH-2BL75pc25Hbh6RKf8EPZebHASiEu2b1aGXbOqJQ3Dnm6HAk92YmX1Rhhrff00-2BGpD1l2py1M8v7xezbEvIGItK6yrFcb9Uz7ULwhnBd0uuQeFXYVBuF3OoOhd-2FJE-2FlC4QeKxYGMS-2Fb3TzKhyKZKMDEGt-2BG2IO-2FD4nhTJscupACi0UD-2FclzoBQ5D4Y-2F3uhE2JzGb3G0tOAF7vZdMXSOY8bnNn4CGrOqAXXmoj0MBlJp8kAhAnpJceOPlJTfKauc6tYBGA5RPznrxKf9W9WD8d77-2Bi-2FBZ2XZc7r8jrTh0OlQnueE7hZQ2F-2F6oZPQ-2FrSsJixtrVLCFZw-3D) [*The Eternally Radical Idea*](https://u14323725.ct.sendgrid.net/ls/click?upn=u001.kR2s0BHA4IMM0a9cQYZVPJVVNJeeCwjay-2FsuMvpjjNqhHWcxACicBWkHhiJ-2FXSo5pkvvo8HoODJuAVOJVoZoFoWb77pK-2B2bdzxTXdtij1I37uBhmafX0Nk-2FxNS8Qe0oIVgDx_-2FDMt8DmC0b3MPPPEfxHbnxzgfJsbXDNMpwCP9nNwhUmwW6wkyKFLFNgtWOsfoWlqzJWknYznvBlIhQrMvSLcaZdhhbJIKGm-2F5qmCcYPIpJSn2obb9skqJf4MgaypxrLi7oLPa8a7eS7JtzjOXCCX8BHD-2F4cv9wFI-2FUH-2BL75pc25Hbh6RKf8EPZebHASiEu2b1aGXbOqJQ3Dnm6HAk92YmX1Rhhrff00-2BGpD1l2py1M8v7xezbEvIGItK6yrFcb9Uz7ULwhnBd0uuQeFXYVBuF0Fu3jnT8433xh5Q-2FaE956TuG9SJatSe8x3lyEVavgo-2FLZhz3l6itFZZ9tVdLbKqUPWrkzBsp3Aze86KwHuLmAUaVfz1YP9W21sd7bukJx7vTDCaG6K6WeI4-2Fo2iT0tvMsCa48NQkxLaKYUmd5jttx-2Bl88AgYid240Y5tR-2FDWg1t-2FUB4GbiMHo0VZbWvU9M1HrMKEzowd1f4p-2FXsyPP3ZJc-3D) [Why Friendships Among Men Are So Important.](https://u14323725.ct.sendgrid.net/ls/click?upn=u001.kR2s0BHA4IMM0a9cQYZVPHtox7mUiC1UPRyZlwscy8SqIlbjBG-2BQ9eE3GhqTfewfMnQhPB4cxbLZCJAhxnFHpZR2Ak-2FZ1DvwJUJcbgGyEhFc07Ho9kBxlScqm28Rg3tu43zbt5ZY5NdGw-2BiQmd57Pw-3D-3Dx9ma_-2FDMt8DmC0b3MPPPEfxHbnxzgfJsbXDNMpwCP9nNwhUmwW6wkyKFLFNgtWOsfoWlqzJWknYznvBlIhQrMvSLcaZdhhbJIKGm-2F5qmCcYPIpJSn2obb9skqJf4MgaypxrLi7oLPa8a7eS7JtzjOXCCX8BHD-2F4cv9wFI-2FUH-2BL75pc25Hbh6RKf8EPZebHASiEu2b1aGXbOqJQ3Dnm6HAk92YmX1Rhhrff00-2BGpD1l2py1M8v7xezbEvIGItK6yrFcb9Uz7ULwhnBd0uuQeFXYVBuFzo4GYDKbf2obyD-2BZxqADQ-2B9WHgNKaQ8vrzL9KaLpzaMmmPus4cuGgMlZI2tdkiHBC4C6dW6wxnbXw1hT-2BB7Jf-2B4FxiPlRkdqcWCpUYEj8ShUr6en-2BpgNFBr5Iv0VMP-2FYENL6Tohy-2B5nLk-2FAeD2t3wZGqrss8ZOq6xewC797axw7QOpc7RLy4TK3o9VbG6lr-2Fwa1NHfSEPmrBU3d9wQEI50-3D) [*Greater Good Magazine*](https://u14323725.ct.sendgrid.net/ls/click?upn=u001.kR2s0BHA4IMM0a9cQYZVPHtox7mUiC1UPRyZlwscy8SqIlbjBG-2BQ9eE3GhqTfewfMnQhPB4cxbLZCJAhxnFHpZR2Ak-2FZ1DvwJUJcbgGyEhFc07Ho9kBxlScqm28Rg3tu43zbt5ZY5NdGw-2BiQmd57Pw-3D-3DN3Wm_-2FDMt8DmC0b3MPPPEfxHbnxzgfJsbXDNMpwCP9nNwhUmwW6wkyKFLFNgtWOsfoWlqzJWknYznvBlIhQrMvSLcaZdhhbJIKGm-2F5qmCcYPIpJSn2obb9skqJf4MgaypxrLi7oLPa8a7eS7JtzjOXCCX8BHD-2F4cv9wFI-2FUH-2BL75pc25Hbh6RKf8EPZebHASiEu2b1aGXbOqJQ3Dnm6HAk92YmX1Rhhrff00-2BGpD1l2py1M8v7xezbEvIGItK6yrFcb9Uz7ULwhnBd0uuQeFXYVBuF5n7frUX7ZYjlxRTo-2FtB1-2FuGcosVabWbWob-2BdR-2BlDsQT-2FCvvepOK-2FiFi-2BSoCGTdS2q6Jf4jsqHRfF640td8Kgm37bvaXDdJTii7Efz6tUJ5h9j572v6-2B0Ro6NshsIksyvMg5qNX4eIdOp6Gu7Anb1HzLNygz9XfevF7vfN5xXy-2BIeICsi4XIXej0x0FzbHNua9gpZyLJ0adqZydRzcY-2BLoU-3D) [Where Have All My Deep Male Friendships Gone?](https://u14323725.ct.sendgrid.net/ls/click?upn=u001.kR2s0BHA4IMM0a9cQYZVPJjqs9eTHTvMgxKUxOrSDPqjP06MrIJ6Hhmap3rPD32iA1-2BmtSHPlS-2Bw2Qwnfi-2BSqDq7ZtiIRu8VlHJzWAoL90I-3DSc9N_-2FDMt8DmC0b3MPPPEfxHbnxzgfJsbXDNMpwCP9nNwhUmwW6wkyKFLFNgtWOsfoWlqzJWknYznvBlIhQrMvSLcaZdhhbJIKGm-2F5qmCcYPIpJSn2obb9skqJf4MgaypxrLi7oLPa8a7eS7JtzjOXCCX8BHD-2F4cv9wFI-2FUH-2BL75pc25Hbh6RKf8EPZebHASiEu2b1aGXbOqJQ3Dnm6HAk92YmX1Rhhrff00-2BGpD1l2py1M8v7xezbEvIGItK6yrFcb9Uz7ULwhnBd0uuQeFXYVBuFwipyi2LEMJZr-2BJZPTAKbFU8shkPnhqbU0-2BUu9jvBjfHdle81N0B0BnqlzW-2FBxWC0lmBiuC2wWUN0GrwkJFYAIFUevgq-2F3NjcKQd0tR48a8VObfVoKwLyeqISczdfwEwpHAp8PJsKgmyX2lXOHGM8pmDjfhQS-2FGBf4HBwjbr5JTkdaiSqPOHczkZcD3TurE3Q3BXCC6HYuaEU3Q9WrEfalo-3D) [*The New York Times*](https://u14323725.ct.sendgrid.net/ls/click?upn=u001.kR2s0BHA4IMM0a9cQYZVPJjqs9eTHTvMgxKUxOrSDPqjP06MrIJ6Hhmap3rPD32iA1-2BmtSHPlS-2Bw2Qwnfi-2BSqDq7ZtiIRu8VlHJzWAoL90I-3DEabp_-2FDMt8DmC0b3MPPPEfxHbnxzgfJsbXDNMpwCP9nNwhUmwW6wkyKFLFNgtWOsfoWlqzJWknYznvBlIhQrMvSLcaZdhhbJIKGm-2F5qmCcYPIpJSn2obb9skqJf4MgaypxrLi7oLPa8a7eS7JtzjOXCCX8BHD-2F4cv9wFI-2FUH-2BL75pc25Hbh6RKf8EPZebHASiEu2b1aGXbOqJQ3Dnm6HAk92YmX1Rhhrff00-2BGpD1l2py1M8v7xezbEvIGItK6yrFcb9Uz7ULwhnBd0uuQeFXYVBuF19iwVFunAUNWEpX5tbjYb-2FSqZAbf0twTyTh4qIC7dnToRvihL-2BlKwyE1eCfApiQ-2FGa2W4oISD8QUWOUcKp7xm7PjycyVlVnw4Nzi2f-2FfYVvMswcT8XaaXTkYy2lCwLMuPlfs87HNj0hK47DzdHzKbxRJLHATTLEIG0i1yNHFjoQ3WkoeohoklCDc3ev9b1oP2LkFW9Fc0EKMluZUTLPF7E-3D) **Applying the News Story** Use this story about men losing friends as an opportunity to discuss the importance of friendship in your life, and what the church can do to foster such bonds among both men and women. TWW Team Member Bill Tammeus appreciates the joke: "Nobody talks about Jesus' greatest miracle -- having 12 close friends in his 30s." **The Big Questions** 1. Who are the people whose judgment you trust, who know you well and love you enough to tell you the truth? When do you turn to them, and what is the result? 2. Do you have more friends or fewer friends that you had a decade ago? To what do you attribute this change? What has been the impact on your life? 3. What do you look for in a friend? What values are most important to you, and why? How can you be a better friend to others? 4. Where do you see differences between the ways women make friends and men make friends? What are the similarities? 5. How does friendship connect to your Christian faith? How can the church do a better job of promoting deep-spirited friendships? **Confronting the News With Scripture and Hope**Here are some Bible verses to guide your discussion: **1 Samuel 18:1***When David had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was bound to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.* (For context, read [1 Samuel 18:1-5](https://u14323725.ct.sendgrid.net/ls/click?upn=u001.kR2s0BHA4IMM0a9cQYZVPIPMr3QdAndcnhgARhLxPRBMJBYCTolkbvW-2F0TosyGzxFCMNoDo0nIQk1OOuVDrhcaqiNnNs7BbPSHHJohGorU-2BB2qxzbtX-2BTbiGEBtCGaMRrVZX_-2FDMt8DmC0b3MPPPEfxHbnxzgfJsbXDNMpwCP9nNwhUmwW6wkyKFLFNgtWOsfoWlqzJWknYznvBlIhQrMvSLcaZdhhbJIKGm-2F5qmCcYPIpJSn2obb9skqJf4MgaypxrLi7oLPa8a7eS7JtzjOXCCX8BHD-2F4cv9wFI-2FUH-2BL75pc25Hbh6RKf8EPZebHASiEu2b1aGXbOqJQ3Dnm6HAk92YmX1Rhhrff00-2BGpD1l2py1M8v7xezbEvIGItK6yrFcb9Uz7ULwhnBd0uuQeFXYVBuF92SKch5obLg3-2BFg3tDqbpu5nlcolF1TfnpWxBJC3VUq66SePX8z-2FUbtRjpjLE7eeh1Uqf9FgTEdHEGhiQjwiGegR747-2F9VNL8nq9ZeoaUM22h21mepABFenWQStutoAz1NTPYrw9js2cKi3Vg6mqpBlfpxeWIcxldpPcIHCxPVhuLeHifQslcZEGKDfOd9z1XZTY2e4PKSoPynELjRpgLo-3D).) After David kills Goliath, he brings the head of the giant to King Saul. David introduces himself as "the son of your servant Jesse the Bethlehemite" (17:58). Saul's son Jonathan is present, and he is immediately drawn to David in what we might call a "soul bond." Their friendship becomes a deep spiritual connection, one in which Jonathan loves David "as his own soul." King Saul takes David into the royal house and does not allow him to return to his father Jesse's house. Then Jonathan makes a covenant with David -- a promise-based relationship -- because he loves him, as the passage says again, "as his own soul" (v. 3). Jonathan strips himself of his princely garments and gives them to David, along with "his armor and even his sword and his bow and his belt" (v. 4). Such an action sends the message that Jonathan is giving his princely power and authority to David. Saul responds by sending David out to lead his army, which is met by the approval of the people and success on the battlefield. Jonathan remains devoted to David until the end of his life. > **Questions:** How would you describe a "soul bond" between friends? When, if ever, have you had such a friendship, and what unique qualities did it have? What needs to be done to preserve such a friendship over the years? **Proverbs 27:6***Well meant are the wounds a friend inflicts, but profuse are the kisses of an enemy.* (For context, read [Proverbs 27:1-22](https://u14323725.ct.sendgrid.net/ls/click?upn=u001.kR2s0BHA4IMM0a9cQYZVPIPMr3QdAndcnhgARhLxPRBMJBYCTolkbvW-2F0TosyGzxtUL-2BBngs4gHqgEeaCN1ihSgvBQcKCjK8kPYrWz6wkahi3TCBaL7yQXpi71-2FDVy7EeW8T_-2FDMt8DmC0b3MPPPEfxHbnxzgfJsbXDNMpwCP9nNwhUmwW6wkyKFLFNgtWOsfoWlqzJWknYznvBlIhQrMvSLcaZdhhbJIKGm-2F5qmCcYPIpJSn2obb9skqJf4MgaypxrLi7oLPa8a7eS7JtzjOXCCX8BHD-2F4cv9wFI-2FUH-2BL75pc25Hbh6RKf8EPZebHASiEu2b1aGXbOqJQ3Dnm6HAk92YmX1Rhhrff00-2BGpD1l2py1M8v7xezbEvIGItK6yrFcb9Uz7ULwhnBd0uuQeFXYVBuF4cM6lgFKWkRkEAF9eioeMEJqeKVTFwKyZpH4hh0bQKBuYjEuK7ICxPmJfuS-2BbucbeP0lszs4E3EJQwvO-2FJed1PDaG80g-2B7h2ci01Uv8S9hqbhU0mFdLHlYpRkB0WfZkj73WRyclarWABamzXMsTUabccbzKAinNuT1ZMX5xUKjgNK75QP7BlbTniPSmvlQqepnbT-2Fqtlcu-2Bya21DlvMIjM-3D).) The words of wisdom in the book of Proverbs are linked to King Solomon, since he began his reign by asking God for wisdom instead of wealth and power. A number of sections, including chapter 27, focus on wise speech. The chapter begins by issuing a warning against boasting, recommending that you "[let] another praise you and not your own mouth" (v. 2). The value of constructive criticism from a friend is captured in the words, "Well meant are the wounds a friend inflicts." Such honesty can sting, but it is to be preferred over "the kisses of an enemy." Good friends are willing to speak hard truths in love, in order to prevent their companions from losing their way. "Do not forsake your friend or the friend of your parent," says Solomon. In a time of calamity, it is better to have "a neighbor who is nearby than kindred who are far away " (v. 10). "Iron sharpens iron" sends the message that mutual growth occurs when friends sharpen one another intellectually and spiritually; they challenge each other to become better when "one person sharpens the wits of another" (v. 17). > **Questions:** When, if ever, have you spoken a hard truth in love, to a friend or family member? When, if ever, have you received such an honest message? What was the result? Which of your friends are able to sharpen you into a better version of yourself, and how do they do it? **John 15:15***I do not call you servants any longer, because the servant does not know what the master is doing, but I have called you friends, because I have made known to you everything that I have heard from my Father.* (For context, read [John 15:12-17](https://u14323725.ct.sendgrid.net/ls/click?upn=u001.kR2s0BHA4IMM0a9cQYZVPIPMr3QdAndcnhgARhLxPRBMJBYCTolkbvW-2F0TosyGzxT4PTUfd6hE6df7lW-2Bu8M6X5ZDqmmd6bjMoDH8aooD947FQf3sUmmaIpmhzt36yHw-4cB_-2FDMt8DmC0b3MPPPEfxHbnxzgfJsbXDNMpwCP9nNwhUmwW6wkyKFLFNgtWOsfoWlqzJWknYznvBlIhQrMvSLcaZdhhbJIKGm-2F5qmCcYPIpJSn2obb9skqJf4MgaypxrLi7oLPa8a7eS7JtzjOXCCX8BHD-2F4cv9wFI-2FUH-2BL75pc25Hbh6RKf8EPZebHASiEu2b1aGXbOqJQ3Dnm6HAk92YmX1Rhhrff00-2BGpD1l2py1M8v7xezbEvIGItK6yrFcb9Uz7ULwhnBd0uuQeFXYVBuFxOhdhMdW5kYsVor1V6XxEfp8690sUVyjqDVnHZbSKcRhBIEGFxgQag-2BdMG4ZieZqupin8hTZMlqEhE0LYYs83-2BT24Y0gwWUayd-2FKH4-2FeW9ZyHWTOTRe-2Fq8en3gxmSrSuVTTuD-2FkC8hqtN5Uc2CIT-2BdUr4oRhAcT8LxgA5r0ErY7dv-2B26x0cpuWNTENxOqR8uWfNdtO4cAArj47rI-2B9rhsc-3D).) On the night before his crucifixion, Jesus prepares his disciples for his departure in a set of teachings known as the "farewell discourse," which is recorded in chapters 13 through 17 of the gospel of John. He commands them to love one another, promises them the gift of the Holy Spirit, and predicts future challenges. In chapter 15, Jesus expresses his willingness to die for his disciples when he says, "No one has greater love than this, to lay down one's life for one's friends" (v. 13). The word he uses for "friends" is literally "loved ones," which signals his deep bond with his disciples. He then challenges his friends to obey his will and follow his commandments, saying, "You are my friends if you do what I command you" (v. 14). Jesus says that he no longer calls them "servants" -- literally "slaves" -- because "I have made known to you everything that I have heard from my Father." Their relationship has changed, going from being slave and master to friend and friend. A slave does not know what a master is doing, but a friend knows what a friend is doing. Jesus says that he has chosen them for a purpose: "to go and bear fruit, fruit that will last" (v. 16), and to "love one another" (v. 17). > **Questions:** What does it mean to you to be a friend of Jesus, as opposed to a servant? How does this give you a greater understanding of the mind of God? What can you do to accomplish the purposes of God, as an individual and a congregation? **Acts 4:32-37***Now the whole group of those who believed were of one heart and soul, and no one claimed private ownership of any possessions, but everything they owned was held in common. With great power the apostles gave their testimony to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus, and great grace was upon them all. There was not a needy person among them, for as many as owned lands or houses sold them and brought the proceeds of what was sold. They laid it at the apostles' feet, and it was distributed to each as any had need. There was a Levite from Cyprus, Joseph, to whom the apostles gave the name Barnabas (which means "son of encouragement"). He sold a field that belonged to him, then brought the money and laid it at the apostles' feet.* (No context needed.) The second and fourth chapters of the Acts of the Apostles contain descriptions of what it was like to live in community as followers of Jesus in Jerusalem. The fourth chapter makes clear that "no one claimed private ownership of any possessions" and those who "owned lands or houses sold them and brought the proceeds of what was sold." Because of this generous sharing, there "was not a needy person among them." Inspired by the resurrection of Jesus and the quality of life among believers, a Levite from Cyprus named Joseph sold a field and then laid the money "at the apostles' feet." The apostles gave him the name Barnabas, which means "son of encouragement." His generosity stands in stark contrast to that of Ananias and Sapphira, whose story is told in the fifth chapter. They are struck dead when they sell a piece of property and lie about donating the full proceeds of the sale. > **Questions:** What kind of generous sharing do you practice with your friends, and what is the result? Why is sacrificial giving an important part of life in the Christian community? Where do you find encouragement in the example of Barnabas, the "son of encouragement"? **For Further Discussion** 1. "For eons, religious leaders, including Jesus, Muhammad and the Buddha, have taught that friendship is at the center of a flourishing life," says TWW Team Member Bill Tammeus. Some of his friends are in a group of men from his church. He says, "[We] began to meet weekly in the early 1980s for friendship, Bible study and prayer. More than 40 years later we're still at it, though we've lost and gained a few members over that time. But we're together at 6:45 each Wednesday morning, and we know we can tell each other almost anything and everything." How does such a group support "a flourishing life"? Where can such groups be found in your church, if anywhere? What would you be willing to do to find one or start one? 2. "David and Jonathan are perhaps the best example of male friendship." notes TWW Team Member Frank Ramirez. He recalls the story of King David showing kindness to Jonathan's disabled son Mephibosheth, after Jonathan's death. David said to Mephibosheth, "Do not be afraid, for I will show you kindness for the sake of your father Jonathan; I will restore to you all the land of your grandfather Saul, and you yourself shall eat at my table always" (2 Samuel 9:7). When have you seen friendship expressed over the course of several generations? What impressed you about such kindness and generosity? Be specific. 3. TWW Team Member Mary Sells is struck by the unlikely people Jesus chose as disciples, such as Matthew. She says, "As a tax collector, he would be last on many others' list of trusted friends, yet he was among Jesus' first choices." TWW Team Member Mark Rouleau notes that Jesus knew Judas would be his betrayer, and he included him in the inner circle. Sells concludes that it is easy to love people who are good, but loving others is not so easy. Why is it important to choose friends as Jesus did? What is the value of having sinners among the saints? How do you feel about being chosen as a friend by others, despite your imperfections? 4. Proverbs 17:17 says, "A friend loves at all times, and kinsfolk are born to share adversity." What does it mean to you to love at all times, even when you might not like what your friends are saying or doing? Why is it important to share adversity as well as times of joy? In what ways do the bonds between family members and friends grow stronger through difficulties and challenges? **Responding to the News** In response to these biblical reflections on friendship, reach out to a friend you have not seen recently. Meet for an activity you enjoy together, or simply get together for coffee and conversation. Give thanks for the friends you have, and make an effort to strengthen your bonds with them. **Prayer** We are grateful, God, that Jesus wants us to be his friends, not merely his servants. Help us strengthen our relationship with him, and with our other companions as well, both men and women. May we never take them for granted, but instead make an effort to love them and encourage them, in Jesus' name. Amen. ****Copyright 2026 Communication Resources**** [Unsubscribe From This List](https://u14323725.ct.sendgrid.net/asm/unsubscribe/?user_id=14323725&data=KC4n6X5jtl-leV_yFD41vDTt_rovLPBaX9GFloiLIspoMDAwdTAwMI4IRI9ZMun2WukTsAW77V1r_C_KvpVtoszGCK9UrrO07XxypFTQ8pERTDgEXc9rR8EtF_ZuEHgbWVMhAUaZOWUkaYlrMnUJGgwjotOfJeureILWD_PWQpYyM71tXeOxFgUem8sX17cySPz9J4hq4-WmThboaDaHwMbrb5-X8mjqKDEqnY6OYDbRB-zLQXHK1YZEJ-sEOBwPe2831lxUoYgfcvvkcSVpailPHijKxI_qH4-p9lhTo0It2320L91aXeJhVtGu9tZvucaQ7BGJ_r1eLpTfjjBCi6JXpiN5i8eTh08NzvURDAQbKcxsW8O8ig4nl4XTNNHUKVkNXNHY319xZT3eJoDj24THZX3B5b8pFle9ayqjIzG-g9T4yZ3j19qXUY7zwjlA5sFyl4ZQCvftfaMrle7I_s1IAcijCH0ih4qVWzRzEwDGoj5wzZt0ByY3x975Le83EKUdVqaW6rDvHGN4fcMpha0dFhsXT-7tUKs6RUriIyDw7HptopRJzAEVm6wT7BGSjIn3ZSnFyiR0i-RexhJ0CPi9hDF9G9ltko3ZT0ekXcHe9pJNnm2UCacWNPU7viaj_PGSLnbaKvI=) <div>Dear Class Members, Research is revealing that men have fewer friends these days, which can hurt their well-being. As our attention is drawn to men on Father’s Day, this installment of The Wired Word will focus on the value of friendship, especially for men, and how such relationships can be fostered. <center><img src="https://www.thewiredword.com/\_img/tww\_logo\_email.jpg"/></center> Research Reveals That Men Are Losing Friends The Wired Word for the Week of June 21, 2026 In the News Greg Lukianoff is the president of a group called FIRE: Foundation for Individual Rights and Expression. The group was founded in 1999 to defend free speech, due process and freedom of conscience on college campuses. In a recent essay, he admitted to "being stuck in the middle of the culture war," and said that he "became clinically depressed and suicidal as a result of this work." TWW consultant James Gruetzner says that Lukianoff often gets attacked from both the political left and the political right. Lukianoff shared some advice he received from a mentor on how to keep an even keel: Pick ten good friends. "Figure out who the small number of people are whose judgment you genuinely trust, the people who know you well enough and love you enough to tell you the truth when you are wrong," wrote Lukianoff. "Then, when the crowd is screaming, when the internet is losing its mind, when strangers are confidently informing you who you are and why you did what you did, bring it back to those ten. Ask yourself what they would think. Ask yourself whether they would be disappointed in you. Ask yourself whether they would tell you that you had acted unfairly, or out of vanity, tribalism, or cowardice." The advice to pick ten good friends was life-changing for Lukianoff, and now he recommends it to others. "It is useful for almost anyone trying to keep their sanity and decency in a society that makes it very easy to lose both," he said. "So, pick your ten. Make sure they are people who really know you. Make sure at least some of them are capable of telling you hard truths without cruelty or relish. Make sure they are not merely people who agree with you, but people whose judgment you trust more than you trust your mood on a bad day." Picking good friends is excellent advice, but unfortunately men have fewer friends these days, which is hurting their well-being. According to a recent American Survey report, men have fewer social ties than they did in years past, with only 27% of men in 2021 saying that they had at least six close friends. In 1990, 55% said they had this number of friends. Such a loss of friends is likely having a negative impact on health and happiness. The drop in friendships among men has been linked to declining involvement in civic and religious organizations, as well as changes in the workplace -- such as longer commutes and working from home. The isolation of the pandemic has been a contributing factor as well, for women as well as for men. In addition, certain models of masculinity can hamper the development of close relationships. "This starts at a young age," reports Greater Good Magazine, "when boys are given the message they should not express their emotions or seek emotional comfort from other boys." "Most men I know say they'd like to hang out more but don't have time," wrote Sam Graham-Felsen in The New York Times. "They have little kids or demanding jobs or both, and if they have a second to breathe, they're going to spend it with their partners." One friend said to him, "I have a family now. Why would I want to hang out with friends? What would I get out of it?" Another recently left a high-stress career and is trying to spend more time with friends. But he has discovered an uncomfortable truth: "There's a stigma around asking another man to hang out. It feels higher stakes for me than it does for my wife." Such relationships should be encouraged, however, since the friendships that men forge with other men in early adulthood can help to buffer them against stress. Men can look to other men for loyalty and for truth-telling, and for help in times of need. Since men tend to feel that they are best understood by other men, these friendships can sometimes be even more fulfilling than romantic relationships with women. The key to developing such friendships, according to experts, is to find an activity that brings men together. "[Men] start off talking about their cars first, and then the conversation goes into their relationships," said Daniel Ellenberg, a relationship expert and leadership trainer. "Finding common interests is a good jumping-off point for men." Boys and men tend to engage in "side-by-side play," observed psychologist Fred Rabinowitz, enjoying activities that do not involve face-to-face interactions. But sometimes intimacy can grow, said Rabinowitz, because if you do these activities regularly, opportunities to share personal issues can arise. "If you're playing golf with someone, you can focus on golf. But then if someone says, 'I had a rough morning, you know, my wife's in cancer treatment,' it's a way of opening up the door to have a conversation about that in a safe way," he said.  Outside of sports, Ellenberg said that men can find or form groups that share a common interest. Such groups can be centered around anything -- movies, vintage cars, community mission projects or Bible study -- that will lead to conversation, personal sharing and the deepening of friendship. More on this story can be found at these links: '<a href="https://u14323725.ct.sendgrid.net/ls/click?upn=u001.kR2s0BHA4IMM0a9cQYZVPJVVNJeeCwjay-2FsuMvpjjNqhHWcxACicBWkHhiJ-2FXSo5pkvvo8HoODJuAVOJVoZoFoWb77pK-2B2bdzxTXdtij1I37uBhmafX0Nk-2FxNS8Qe0oImDVx\_-2FDMt8DmC0b3MPPPEfxHbnxzgfJsbXDNMpwCP9nNwhUmwW6wkyKFLFNgtWOsfoWlqzJWknYznvBlIhQrMvSLcaZdhhbJIKGm-2F5qmCcYPIpJSn2obb9skqJf4MgaypxrLi7oLPa8a7eS7JtzjOXCCX8BHD-2F4cv9wFI-2FUH-2BL75pc25Hbh6RKf8EPZebHASiEu2b1aGXbOqJQ3Dnm6HAk92YmX1Rhhrff00-2BGpD1l2py1M8v7xezbEvIGItK6yrFcb9Uz7ULwhnBd0uuQeFXYVBuF3OoOhd-2FJE-2FlC4QeKxYGMS-2Fb3TzKhyKZKMDEGt-2BG2IO-2FD4nhTJscupACi0UD-2FclzoBQ5D4Y-2F3uhE2JzGb3G0tOAF7vZdMXSOY8bnNn4CGrOqAXXmoj0MBlJp8kAhAnpJceOPlJTfKauc6tYBGA5RPznrxKf9W9WD8d77-2Bi-2FBZ2XZc7r8jrTh0OlQnueE7hZQ2F-2F6oZPQ-2FrSsJixtrVLCFZw-3D">Pick Your Ten': The Best Advice I Ever Got in My Life. </a><a href="https://u14323725.ct.sendgrid.net/ls/click?upn=u001.kR2s0BHA4IMM0a9cQYZVPJVVNJeeCwjay-2FsuMvpjjNqhHWcxACicBWkHhiJ-2FXSo5pkvvo8HoODJuAVOJVoZoFoWb77pK-2B2bdzxTXdtij1I37uBhmafX0Nk-2FxNS8Qe0oIVgDx\_-2FDMt8DmC0b3MPPPEfxHbnxzgfJsbXDNMpwCP9nNwhUmwW6wkyKFLFNgtWOsfoWlqzJWknYznvBlIhQrMvSLcaZdhhbJIKGm-2F5qmCcYPIpJSn2obb9skqJf4MgaypxrLi7oLPa8a7eS7JtzjOXCCX8BHD-2F4cv9wFI-2FUH-2BL75pc25Hbh6RKf8EPZebHASiEu2b1aGXbOqJQ3Dnm6HAk92YmX1Rhhrff00-2BGpD1l2py1M8v7xezbEvIGItK6yrFcb9Uz7ULwhnBd0uuQeFXYVBuF0Fu3jnT8433xh5Q-2FaE956TuG9SJatSe8x3lyEVavgo-2FLZhz3l6itFZZ9tVdLbKqUPWrkzBsp3Aze86KwHuLmAUaVfz1YP9W21sd7bukJx7vTDCaG6K6WeI4-2Fo2iT0tvMsCa48NQkxLaKYUmd5jttx-2Bl88AgYid240Y5tR-2FDWg1t-2FUB4GbiMHo0VZbWvU9M1HrMKEzowd1f4p-2FXsyPP3ZJc-3D">The Eternally Radical Idea</a> <a href="https://u14323725.ct.sendgrid.net/ls/click?upn=u001.kR2s0BHA4IMM0a9cQYZVPHtox7mUiC1UPRyZlwscy8SqIlbjBG-2BQ9eE3GhqTfewfMnQhPB4cxbLZCJAhxnFHpZR2Ak-2FZ1DvwJUJcbgGyEhFc07Ho9kBxlScqm28Rg3tu43zbt5ZY5NdGw-2BiQmd57Pw-3D-3Dx9ma\_-2FDMt8DmC0b3MPPPEfxHbnxzgfJsbXDNMpwCP9nNwhUmwW6wkyKFLFNgtWOsfoWlqzJWknYznvBlIhQrMvSLcaZdhhbJIKGm-2F5qmCcYPIpJSn2obb9skqJf4MgaypxrLi7oLPa8a7eS7JtzjOXCCX8BHD-2F4cv9wFI-2FUH-2BL75pc25Hbh6RKf8EPZebHASiEu2b1aGXbOqJQ3Dnm6HAk92YmX1Rhhrff00-2BGpD1l2py1M8v7xezbEvIGItK6yrFcb9Uz7ULwhnBd0uuQeFXYVBuFzo4GYDKbf2obyD-2BZxqADQ-2B9WHgNKaQ8vrzL9KaLpzaMmmPus4cuGgMlZI2tdkiHBC4C6dW6wxnbXw1hT-2BB7Jf-2B4FxiPlRkdqcWCpUYEj8ShUr6en-2BpgNFBr5Iv0VMP-2FYENL6Tohy-2B5nLk-2FAeD2t3wZGqrss8ZOq6xewC797axw7QOpc7RLy4TK3o9VbG6lr-2Fwa1NHfSEPmrBU3d9wQEI50-3D">Why Friendships Among Men Are So Important. </a><a href="https://u14323725.ct.sendgrid.net/ls/click?upn=u001.kR2s0BHA4IMM0a9cQYZVPHtox7mUiC1UPRyZlwscy8SqIlbjBG-2BQ9eE3GhqTfewfMnQhPB4cxbLZCJAhxnFHpZR2Ak-2FZ1DvwJUJcbgGyEhFc07Ho9kBxlScqm28Rg3tu43zbt5ZY5NdGw-2BiQmd57Pw-3D-3DN3Wm\_-2FDMt8DmC0b3MPPPEfxHbnxzgfJsbXDNMpwCP9nNwhUmwW6wkyKFLFNgtWOsfoWlqzJWknYznvBlIhQrMvSLcaZdhhbJIKGm-2F5qmCcYPIpJSn2obb9skqJf4MgaypxrLi7oLPa8a7eS7JtzjOXCCX8BHD-2F4cv9wFI-2FUH-2BL75pc25Hbh6RKf8EPZebHASiEu2b1aGXbOqJQ3Dnm6HAk92YmX1Rhhrff00-2BGpD1l2py1M8v7xezbEvIGItK6yrFcb9Uz7ULwhnBd0uuQeFXYVBuF5n7frUX7ZYjlxRTo-2FtB1-2FuGcosVabWbWob-2BdR-2BlDsQT-2FCvvepOK-2FiFi-2BSoCGTdS2q6Jf4jsqHRfF640td8Kgm37bvaXDdJTii7Efz6tUJ5h9j572v6-2B0Ro6NshsIksyvMg5qNX4eIdOp6Gu7Anb1HzLNygz9XfevF7vfN5xXy-2BIeICsi4XIXej0x0FzbHNua9gpZyLJ0adqZydRzcY-2BLoU-3D">Greater Good Magazine</a> <a href="https://u14323725.ct.sendgrid.net/ls/click?upn=u001.kR2s0BHA4IMM0a9cQYZVPJjqs9eTHTvMgxKUxOrSDPqjP06MrIJ6Hhmap3rPD32iA1-2BmtSHPlS-2Bw2Qwnfi-2BSqDq7ZtiIRu8VlHJzWAoL90I-3DSc9N\_-2FDMt8DmC0b3MPPPEfxHbnxzgfJsbXDNMpwCP9nNwhUmwW6wkyKFLFNgtWOsfoWlqzJWknYznvBlIhQrMvSLcaZdhhbJIKGm-2F5qmCcYPIpJSn2obb9skqJf4MgaypxrLi7oLPa8a7eS7JtzjOXCCX8BHD-2F4cv9wFI-2FUH-2BL75pc25Hbh6RKf8EPZebHASiEu2b1aGXbOqJQ3Dnm6HAk92YmX1Rhhrff00-2BGpD1l2py1M8v7xezbEvIGItK6yrFcb9Uz7ULwhnBd0uuQeFXYVBuFwipyi2LEMJZr-2BJZPTAKbFU8shkPnhqbU0-2BUu9jvBjfHdle81N0B0BnqlzW-2FBxWC0lmBiuC2wWUN0GrwkJFYAIFUevgq-2F3NjcKQd0tR48a8VObfVoKwLyeqISczdfwEwpHAp8PJsKgmyX2lXOHGM8pmDjfhQS-2FGBf4HBwjbr5JTkdaiSqPOHczkZcD3TurE3Q3BXCC6HYuaEU3Q9WrEfalo-3D">Where Have All My Deep Male Friendships Gone? </a><a href="https://u14323725.ct.sendgrid.net/ls/click?upn=u001.kR2s0BHA4IMM0a9cQYZVPJjqs9eTHTvMgxKUxOrSDPqjP06MrIJ6Hhmap3rPD32iA1-2BmtSHPlS-2Bw2Qwnfi-2BSqDq7ZtiIRu8VlHJzWAoL90I-3DEabp\_-2FDMt8DmC0b3MPPPEfxHbnxzgfJsbXDNMpwCP9nNwhUmwW6wkyKFLFNgtWOsfoWlqzJWknYznvBlIhQrMvSLcaZdhhbJIKGm-2F5qmCcYPIpJSn2obb9skqJf4MgaypxrLi7oLPa8a7eS7JtzjOXCCX8BHD-2F4cv9wFI-2FUH-2BL75pc25Hbh6RKf8EPZebHASiEu2b1aGXbOqJQ3Dnm6HAk92YmX1Rhhrff00-2BGpD1l2py1M8v7xezbEvIGItK6yrFcb9Uz7ULwhnBd0uuQeFXYVBuF19iwVFunAUNWEpX5tbjYb-2FSqZAbf0twTyTh4qIC7dnToRvihL-2BlKwyE1eCfApiQ-2FGa2W4oISD8QUWOUcKp7xm7PjycyVlVnw4Nzi2f-2FfYVvMswcT8XaaXTkYy2lCwLMuPlfs87HNj0hK47DzdHzKbxRJLHATTLEIG0i1yNHFjoQ3WkoeohoklCDc3ev9b1oP2LkFW9Fc0EKMluZUTLPF7E-3D">The New York Times</a> Applying the News Story Use this story about men losing friends as an opportunity to discuss the importance of friendship in your life, and what the church can do to foster such bonds among both men and women. TWW Team Member Bill Tammeus appreciates the joke: "Nobody talks about Jesus' greatest miracle -- having 12 close friends in his 30s." The Big Questions 1. Who are the people whose judgment you trust, who know you well and love you enough to tell you the truth? When do you turn to them, and what is the result? 2. Do you have more friends or fewer friends that you had a decade ago? To what do you attribute this change? What has been the impact on your life? 3. What do you look for in a friend? What values are most important to you, and why? How can you be a better friend to others? 4. Where do you see differences between the ways women make friends and men make friends? What are the similarities? 5. How does friendship connect to your Christian faith? How can the church do a better job of promoting deep-spirited friendships? Confronting the News With Scripture and Hope Here are some Bible verses to guide your discussion: 1 Samuel 18:1 When David had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was bound to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul. (For context, read <a href="https://u14323725.ct.sendgrid.net/ls/click?upn=u001.kR2s0BHA4IMM0a9cQYZVPIPMr3QdAndcnhgARhLxPRBMJBYCTolkbvW-2F0TosyGzxFCMNoDo0nIQk1OOuVDrhcaqiNnNs7BbPSHHJohGorU-2BB2qxzbtX-2BTbiGEBtCGaMRrVZX\_-2FDMt8DmC0b3MPPPEfxHbnxzgfJsbXDNMpwCP9nNwhUmwW6wkyKFLFNgtWOsfoWlqzJWknYznvBlIhQrMvSLcaZdhhbJIKGm-2F5qmCcYPIpJSn2obb9skqJf4MgaypxrLi7oLPa8a7eS7JtzjOXCCX8BHD-2F4cv9wFI-2FUH-2BL75pc25Hbh6RKf8EPZebHASiEu2b1aGXbOqJQ3Dnm6HAk92YmX1Rhhrff00-2BGpD1l2py1M8v7xezbEvIGItK6yrFcb9Uz7ULwhnBd0uuQeFXYVBuF92SKch5obLg3-2BFg3tDqbpu5nlcolF1TfnpWxBJC3VUq66SePX8z-2FUbtRjpjLE7eeh1Uqf9FgTEdHEGhiQjwiGegR747-2F9VNL8nq9ZeoaUM22h21mepABFenWQStutoAz1NTPYrw9js2cKi3Vg6mqpBlfpxeWIcxldpPcIHCxPVhuLeHifQslcZEGKDfOd9z1XZTY2e4PKSoPynELjRpgLo-3D">1 Samuel 18:1-5</a>.) After David kills Goliath, he brings the head of the giant to King Saul. David introduces himself as "the son of your servant Jesse the Bethlehemite" (17:58). Saul's son Jonathan is present, and he is immediately drawn to David in what we might call a "soul bond." Their friendship becomes a deep spiritual connection, one in which Jonathan loves David "as his own soul." King Saul takes David into the royal house and does not allow him to return to his father Jesse's house. Then Jonathan makes a covenant with David -- a promise-based relationship -- because he loves him, as the passage says again, "as his own soul" (v. 3). Jonathan strips himself of his princely garments and gives them to David, along with "his armor and even his sword and his bow and his belt" (v. 4). Such an action sends the message that Jonathan is giving his princely power and authority to David. Saul responds by sending David out to lead his army, which is met by the approval of the people and success on the battlefield. Jonathan remains devoted to David until the end of his life. <blockquote> Questions: How would you describe a "soul bond" between friends? When, if ever, have you had such a friendship, and what unique qualities did it have? What needs to be done to preserve such a friendship over the years? </blockquote> Proverbs 27:6 Well meant are the wounds a friend inflicts, but profuse are the kisses of an enemy. (For context, read <a href="https://u14323725.ct.sendgrid.net/ls/click?upn=u001.kR2s0BHA4IMM0a9cQYZVPIPMr3QdAndcnhgARhLxPRBMJBYCTolkbvW-2F0TosyGzxtUL-2BBngs4gHqgEeaCN1ihSgvBQcKCjK8kPYrWz6wkahi3TCBaL7yQXpi71-2FDVy7EeW8T\_-2FDMt8DmC0b3MPPPEfxHbnxzgfJsbXDNMpwCP9nNwhUmwW6wkyKFLFNgtWOsfoWlqzJWknYznvBlIhQrMvSLcaZdhhbJIKGm-2F5qmCcYPIpJSn2obb9skqJf4MgaypxrLi7oLPa8a7eS7JtzjOXCCX8BHD-2F4cv9wFI-2FUH-2BL75pc25Hbh6RKf8EPZebHASiEu2b1aGXbOqJQ3Dnm6HAk92YmX1Rhhrff00-2BGpD1l2py1M8v7xezbEvIGItK6yrFcb9Uz7ULwhnBd0uuQeFXYVBuF4cM6lgFKWkRkEAF9eioeMEJqeKVTFwKyZpH4hh0bQKBuYjEuK7ICxPmJfuS-2BbucbeP0lszs4E3EJQwvO-2FJed1PDaG80g-2B7h2ci01Uv8S9hqbhU0mFdLHlYpRkB0WfZkj73WRyclarWABamzXMsTUabccbzKAinNuT1ZMX5xUKjgNK75QP7BlbTniPSmvlQqepnbT-2Fqtlcu-2Bya21DlvMIjM-3D">Proverbs 27:1-22</a>.) The words of wisdom in the book of Proverbs are linked to King Solomon, since he began his reign by asking God for wisdom instead of wealth and power. A number of sections, including chapter 27, focus on wise speech. The chapter begins by issuing a warning against boasting, recommending that you "[let] another praise you and not your own mouth" (v. 2). The value of constructive criticism from a friend is captured in the words, "Well meant are the wounds a friend inflicts." Such honesty can sting, but it is to be preferred over "the kisses of an enemy." Good friends are willing to speak hard truths in love, in order to prevent their companions from losing their way. "Do not forsake your friend or the friend of your parent," says Solomon. In a time of calamity, it is better to have "a neighbor who is nearby than kindred who are far away " (v. 10). "Iron sharpens iron" sends the message that mutual growth occurs when friends sharpen one another intellectually and spiritually; they challenge each other to become better when "one person sharpens the wits of another" (v. 17). <blockquote> Questions: When, if ever, have you spoken a hard truth in love, to a friend or family member? When, if ever, have you received such an honest message? What was the result? Which of your friends are able to sharpen you into a better version of yourself, and how do they do it? </blockquote> John 15:15 I do not call you servants any longer, because the servant does not know what the master is doing, but I have called you friends, because I have made known to you everything that I have heard from my Father. (For context, read <a href="https://u14323725.ct.sendgrid.net/ls/click?upn=u001.kR2s0BHA4IMM0a9cQYZVPIPMr3QdAndcnhgARhLxPRBMJBYCTolkbvW-2F0TosyGzxT4PTUfd6hE6df7lW-2Bu8M6X5ZDqmmd6bjMoDH8aooD947FQf3sUmmaIpmhzt36yHw-4cB\_-2FDMt8DmC0b3MPPPEfxHbnxzgfJsbXDNMpwCP9nNwhUmwW6wkyKFLFNgtWOsfoWlqzJWknYznvBlIhQrMvSLcaZdhhbJIKGm-2F5qmCcYPIpJSn2obb9skqJf4MgaypxrLi7oLPa8a7eS7JtzjOXCCX8BHD-2F4cv9wFI-2FUH-2BL75pc25Hbh6RKf8EPZebHASiEu2b1aGXbOqJQ3Dnm6HAk92YmX1Rhhrff00-2BGpD1l2py1M8v7xezbEvIGItK6yrFcb9Uz7ULwhnBd0uuQeFXYVBuFxOhdhMdW5kYsVor1V6XxEfp8690sUVyjqDVnHZbSKcRhBIEGFxgQag-2BdMG4ZieZqupin8hTZMlqEhE0LYYs83-2BT24Y0gwWUayd-2FKH4-2FeW9ZyHWTOTRe-2Fq8en3gxmSrSuVTTuD-2FkC8hqtN5Uc2CIT-2BdUr4oRhAcT8LxgA5r0ErY7dv-2B26x0cpuWNTENxOqR8uWfNdtO4cAArj47rI-2B9rhsc-3D">John 15:12-17</a>.) On the night before his crucifixion, Jesus prepares his disciples for his departure in a set of teachings known as the "farewell discourse," which is recorded in chapters 13 through 17 of the gospel of John. He commands them to love one another, promises them the gift of the Holy Spirit, and predicts future challenges. In chapter 15, Jesus expresses his willingness to die for his disciples when he says, "No one has greater love than this, to lay down one's life for one's friends" (v. 13). The word he uses for "friends" is literally "loved ones," which signals his deep bond with his disciples. He then challenges his friends to obey his will and follow his commandments, saying, "You are my friends if you do what I command you" (v. 14). Jesus says that he no longer calls them "servants" -- literally "slaves" -- because "I have made known to you everything that I have heard from my Father." Their relationship has changed, going from being slave and master to friend and friend. A slave does not know what a master is doing, but a friend knows what a friend is doing. Jesus says that he has chosen them for a purpose: "to go and bear fruit, fruit that will last" (v. 16), and to "love one another" (v. 17). <blockquote> Questions: What does it mean to you to be a friend of Jesus, as opposed to a servant? How does this give you a greater understanding of the mind of God? What can you do to accomplish the purposes of God, as an individual and a congregation? </blockquote> Acts 4:32-37 Now the whole group of those who believed were of one heart and soul, and no one claimed private ownership of any possessions, but everything they owned was held in common. With great power the apostles gave their testimony to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus, and great grace was upon them all. There was not a needy person among them, for as many as owned lands or houses sold them and brought the proceeds of what was sold. They laid it at the apostles' feet, and it was distributed to each as any had need. There was a Levite from Cyprus, Joseph, to whom the apostles gave the name Barnabas (which means "son of encouragement"). He sold a field that belonged to him, then brought the money and laid it at the apostles' feet. (No context needed.) The second and fourth chapters of the Acts of the Apostles contain descriptions of what it was like to live in community as followers of Jesus in Jerusalem. The fourth chapter makes clear that "no one claimed private ownership of any possessions" and those who "owned lands or houses sold them and brought the proceeds of what was sold." Because of this generous sharing, there "was not a needy person among them." Inspired by the resurrection of Jesus and the quality of life among believers, a Levite from Cyprus named Joseph sold a field and then laid the money "at the apostles' feet." The apostles gave him the name Barnabas, which means "son of encouragement." His generosity stands in stark contrast to that of Ananias and Sapphira, whose story is told in the fifth chapter. They are struck dead when they sell a piece of property and lie about donating the full proceeds of the sale. <blockquote> Questions: What kind of generous sharing do you practice with your friends, and what is the result? Why is sacrificial giving an important part of life in the Christian community? Where do you find encouragement in the example of Barnabas, the "son of encouragement"? </blockquote> For Further Discussion 1. "For eons, religious leaders, including Jesus, Muhammad and the Buddha, have taught that friendship is at the center of a flourishing life," says TWW Team Member Bill Tammeus. Some of his friends are in a group of men from his church. He says, "[We] began to meet weekly in the early 1980s for friendship, Bible study and prayer. More than 40 years later we're still at it, though we've lost and gained a few members over that time. But we're together at 6:45 each Wednesday morning, and we know we can tell each other almost anything and everything." How does such a group support "a flourishing life"? Where can such groups be found in your church, if anywhere? What would you be willing to do to find one or start one? 2. "David and Jonathan are perhaps the best example of male friendship." notes TWW Team Member Frank Ramirez. He recalls the story of King David showing kindness to Jonathan's disabled son Mephibosheth, after Jonathan's death. David said to Mephibosheth, "Do not be afraid, for I will show you kindness for the sake of your father Jonathan; I will restore to you all the land of your grandfather Saul, and you yourself shall eat at my table always" (2 Samuel 9:7). When have you seen friendship expressed over the course of several generations? What impressed you about such kindness and generosity? Be specific. 3. TWW Team Member Mary Sells is struck by the unlikely people Jesus chose as disciples, such as Matthew. She says, "As a tax collector, he would be last on many others' list of trusted friends, yet he was among Jesus' first choices." TWW Team Member Mark Rouleau notes that Jesus knew Judas would be his betrayer, and he included him in the inner circle. Sells concludes that it is easy to love people who are good, but loving others is not so easy. Why is it important to choose friends as Jesus did? What is the value of having sinners among the saints? How do you feel about being chosen as a friend by others, despite your imperfections? 4. Proverbs 17:17 says, "A friend loves at all times, and kinsfolk are born to share adversity." What does it mean to you to love at all times, even when you might not like what your friends are saying or doing? Why is it important to share adversity as well as times of joy? In what ways do the bonds between family members and friends grow stronger through difficulties and challenges? Responding to the News In response to these biblical reflections on friendship, reach out to a friend you have not seen recently. Meet for an activity you enjoy together, or simply get together for coffee and conversation. Give thanks for the friends you have, and make an effort to strengthen your bonds with them. Prayer We are grateful, God, that Jesus wants us to be his friends, not merely his servants. Help us strengthen our relationship with him, and with our other companions as well, both men and women. May we never take them for granted, but instead make an effort to love them and encourage them, in Jesus' name. Amen. 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