5 Powerful Questions to Ask Yourself Right Now  ## Metadata - Author: [[The Mel Robbins Podcast]] - Full Title: 5 Powerful Questions to Ask Yourself Right Now - Category: #podcasts - URL: https://share.snipd.com/episode/db9442e9-a4fa-4c34-ae30-00528687a9a3 ## Document Notes ## Highlights - **Pause And Name How You Really Feel** - Regularly ask yourself “How are you really doing right now?” to create space for honest self-assessment. - Saying feelings out loud externalizes problems and reduces the sense of being alone with them. Transcript: Mel Robbins The very first question. How are you really doing right now? No, really. How are you actually? And before you blurt out the automatic, oh, I'm fine, Mel. Just stop. Close your mouth. Take in a breath through your nose. And just sit in silence with that question for a second. How are you really doing right now? I'll wait. Ask yourself again. Like, I find that I need to really ask this question a couple times because there are layers to my answer. The first answer for me, how are you doing really, Mel? Fine. Okay, I'm good. Okay, things are really good. No, no, no. Let's just sit in our body and the moment for a minute together and ask yourself again, how are you really? Are you overwhelmed? Content? Anxious? Excited? Frustrated? Restless, peaceful? Are you anxious? Are you worried about things? Are you feeling good? Whatever it is, just name it. You don't have to fix it. You don't have to do anything. Just answer the question. Acknowledge it. Tell yourself the truth. How are you doing right now? So you might be wondering, Mel, why you asked me this question? Well, this question's really important. And it's important both from a common sense reason and also there's some research around why I want you and I to answer this question today. How are you doing? How are you feeling right now for real? And the common sense reason is because if you don't slow down and check in with yourself, you will always be running on autopilot. You will always be stressed out and you will always be disconnected from the deeper truth that is inside you. That's number one. And the second reason why I wanted to ask you this question is because I was reading this article in the New York Times. It was written by Dr. Lisa DeMoor. Now, Dr. Lisa, I'm not going to go on a big tangent. Don't worry. She is a clinical psychologist. Her work has had a huge impact on my relationship with my adult kids. And so I was reading this article. I'm like, oh, Dr. Lisa DeMoor wrote this article. And she was talking about how so many of us are overwhelmed by life, whether we are a teenager, a young adult, whether we're a parent, whether we're just somebody going through life. And I love what she had to say. She said, adolescents, just like adults, find relief from simply articulating their worries and concerns. You know, psychologists often say that most problems feel better when they're on the outside rather than on the inside. And this holds true whether the difficulties are big or small. And you're probably carrying a lot right now. And so this question that you and I are asking ourselves, this first powerful question, how are you doing right now? It creates space for you to be able to get outside of your head and your body and to truly say the truth about how you're doing. And look, it doesn't matter what comes out because the fact is most problems that you face in life, particularly the big ones, they may not be able to be solved. But here's the reason why this is important. Having a problem or feeling overwhelmed isn't nearly so bad as feeling utterly alone with the feeling or the problem that you're dealing with. And so that's why we're going to start here. We're going to start with the truth. How are you really doing right now? ([Time 0:06:32](https://share.snipd.com/snip/2ab038d8-dd37-4e49-beb9-148aa6f215fb)) - **Schedule People Into Your Life** - Prioritize relationships by scheduling time with people you miss instead of waiting to be invited. - Call, text, or pick a date in the calendar and make the visit happen on purpose. Transcript: Mel Robbins Who's someone that you've spent time with lately or you wish you had? I love this question because I think you can get so busy in your life just doing the day-to and going to work or driving the kids to school or going to school yourself or doing the things That you forget one of the most important things in life. And that is that your life and the quality of the life that you live is largely driven by the quality of your relationships. And one big mistake that I've made in my life when I look back over the 56 years is that there are periods of my life where I truly prioritized my family and my friends. And then there are periods of my life where I truly prioritized work or school. And it is very clear that in those areas of my life where I did prioritize friends and family, I felt better. And so this is an important question because I guarantee you there's someone that you've spent time with lately or that you wish you had. And answering this question will help bring to the surface the things that you take for granted, your siblings, your parents, your best friends from college, that walking group that You haven't seen in six months because you got busy or maybe you neglected everybody a little bit because you know they're always there. Or maybe you've been neglecting your friends and your family a little bit because, you know, they're there and, you know, when things aren't so busy, I'll reach out and I'll connect. Uh-uh. This second question is so powerful. Who is someone you've spent time with recently or you wish you had? Because it brings to the surface one of the most important things in your life, relationships. And I got to share a story with you because I'm almost embarrassed to tell you parts of this story because I, well, why am I embarrassed to tell you this? I don't know. I'm embarrassed because I feel like I'm a bad person that so much time went by. So we moved to Vermont like four years ago. My brother has never been to my house here in Vermont. I've lived here for four years. Now, here's the thing. I started to go, wait a minute, you've never been here, D? What are you talking about? He lives in Chicago. Live in Southern Vermont. It's like a 14-hour drive or two different flights in order to get here. He has a job where he travels during the week for a big consulting firm. I have a job where I travel a lot. And plus, his wife, my sister-in is my business partner. I'm literally on the phone and Zoom calls with my sister-in every single day. I also see her in our Boston production weeks. I also travel to business meetings with her. And so I had this sense that I was seeing my brother a lot. My sister-in has been to my house like three or four times a year for the last four years. My brother, no, because somebody needed to be home with their twins when she was traveling. And so, of course, it makes sense. But I was like, oh, my God, who do I want to spend more time with? I want to see my brother. And of course, we see each other during the year, but we typically see each other at my parents' house in Michigan, or we'll see them at the place my parents rent in Florida, or we'll get Together for sort of like a family gathering place at a different location. So we see each other three or four times a year. We've just never been here in Vermont. So we decided, let's make a plan. And this is why this question is important. Who's somebody that you spent time with or you wish you had? Because it makes you realize, oh, I got to plan this if I want it to happen. So we decided during that week off where the company was going to take a week off, why don't we get together? Why don't you come out to Vermont? And then my brother said, I got a better idea. How about we drive from Chicago to Southern Vermont? It's going to take us almost 15 hours. And the reason why they wanted to drive, check this out, is because we have two Australian shepherds and they have two Australian shepherds. And our youngest dog, Homie, and their oldest dog, Bodie, were in the same litter. They're brothers. And they haven't seen each other since they were eight weeks old and left the litter, one going to Chicago and one going to Vermont. And so my brother was like, we're going to drive out. We're going to drive out and bring the dogs. My sister and I was like, are you out of your freaking mind? We are not driving 15 hours straight in order for dogs to play together for four days. Well, you know what? Derek won. They piled into the car. They drove the 15 hours straight to get here. And then we orchestrated. Okay, we got to figure out how are we going to orchestrate the first meeting of the two brothers who haven't seen each other in two years, separated at eight weeks. So they pull in. We're all excited. Everyone's mostly excited about watching what happens with the dogs, right? Because we've got four Australian shepherds running all over the place. So we let both of our dogs out and Derek and Christine pull into the drive and they let their two dogs out. I kid you not. Bodie and Homie, the two brothers, they went straight to each other. They sort of sniffed each other. They sort of took a step back like, and then they leaned in. For the next four days, you would have thought they were the only two dogs here. They completely ignored the other two dogs. It was crazy. They were joined at the hip. It made the entire 15-hour drive worth it to just see that moment. And for the next four days, all we did was hang out. We played cards. We sat on the back deck. We cooked constant meals together. We hiked up the backside of the ski mountain that we lived nearby. It was amazing. And the most important thing about this is that we didn't go on some big grand vacation. We didn't spend $10,000 to meet up somewhere. We didn't get on planes. They just got in the car and drove here. Simple. And the emphasis is on connection over having to do some big grand thing. And this is an important takeaway. It's something I've been doing a lot lately in my life is that there are people that I really want to see that I miss and I keep thinking I need a weekend or I need like an entire evening together Or I need to have a meal with them. And what I've found is the more simple I can make the connection, whether it's just jumping on the phone while I'm running errands and connecting with somebody for six minutes, even Though we don't have a freaking plan. And here's another thing that's great. One connection and hang out with somebody leads to the next. Because as soon as they were here and my brother and I were hanging out here, I'm like, dude, I got to go see your place in Wisconsin because they have a place on the lake in Wisconsin that I haven't been to. And so I'm like, you know, I have a speech that I'm doing for Northwestern ([Time 0:15:05](https://share.snipd.com/snip/dbe6cc31-dd92-40e2-a1f8-9ddd67e4e39f)) - **Brother’s 15-Hour Drive For A Dog Reunion** - Mel describes her brother driving 15 hours so their dogs (littermates) could reunite and the family could reconnect. - The simple reunion led to four days of low-cost, high-connection time together. Transcript: Mel Robbins I don't know. I'm embarrassed because I feel like I'm a bad person that so much time went by. So we moved to Vermont like four years ago. My brother has never been to my house here in Vermont. I've lived here for four years. Now, here's the thing. I started to go, wait a minute, you've never been here, D? What are you talking about? He lives in Chicago. Live in Southern Vermont. It's like a 14-hour drive or two different flights in order to get here. He has a job where he travels during the week for a big consulting firm. I have a job where I travel a lot. And plus, his wife, my sister-in is my business partner. I'm literally on the phone and Zoom calls with my sister-in every single day. I also see her in our Boston production weeks. I also travel to business meetings with her. And so I had this sense that I was seeing my brother a lot. My sister-in has been to my house like three or four times a year for the last four years. My brother, no, because somebody needed to be home with their twins when she was traveling. And so, of course, it makes sense. But I was like, oh, my God, who do I want to spend more time with? I want to see my brother. And of course, we see each other during the year, but we typically see each other at my parents' house in Michigan, or we'll see them at the place my parents rent in Florida, or we'll get Together for sort of like a family gathering place at a different location. So we see each other three or four times a year. We've just never been here in Vermont. So we decided, let's make a plan. And this is why this question is important. Who's somebody that you spent time with or you wish you had? Because it makes you realize, oh, I got to plan this if I want it to happen. So we decided during that week off where the company was going to take a week off, why don't we get together? Why don't you come out to Vermont? And then my brother said, I got a better idea. How about we drive from Chicago to Southern Vermont? It's going to take us almost 15 hours. And the reason why they wanted to drive, check this out, is because we have two Australian shepherds and they have two Australian shepherds. And our youngest dog, Homie, and their oldest dog, Bodie, were in the same litter. They're brothers. And they haven't seen each other since they were eight weeks old and left the litter, one going to Chicago and one going to Vermont. And so my brother was like, we're going to drive out. We're going to drive out and bring the dogs. My sister and I was like, are you out of your freaking mind? We are not driving 15 hours straight in order for dogs to play together for four days. Well, you know what? Derek won. They piled into the car. They drove the 15 hours straight to get here. And then we orchestrated. Okay, we got to figure out how are we going to orchestrate the first meeting of the two brothers who haven't seen each other in two years, separated at eight weeks. So they pull in. We're all excited. Everyone's mostly excited about watching what happens with the dogs, right? Because we've got four Australian shepherds running all over the place. So we let both of our dogs out and Derek and Christine pull into the drive and they let their two dogs out. I kid you not. Bodie and Homie, the two brothers, they went straight to each other. They sort of sniffed each other. They sort of took a step back like, and then they leaned in. For the next four days, you would have thought they were the only two dogs here. They completely ignored the other two dogs. It was crazy. They were joined at the hip. It made the entire 15-hour drive worth it to just see that moment. And for the next four days, all we did was hang out. We played cards. We sat on the back deck. We cooked constant meals together. We hiked up the backside of the ski mountain that we lived nearby. It was amazing. And the most important thing about this is that we didn't go on some big grand vacation. We didn't spend $10,000 to meet up somewhere. We didn't get on planes. They just got in the car and drove here. Simple. ([Time 0:16:57](https://share.snipd.com/snip/391b4283-4bc3-4e80-8330-2d51b2632651)) - **Relationships Predict Lasting Happiness** - Longitudinal research shows relationship quality predicts lifetime happiness and health more than money or status. - Investing time in people yields outsized returns for well-being over time. Transcript: Mel Robbins Dr. Robert Waldinger, who is a world-renowned psychiatrist and professor at Harvard Medical School, and he also happens to be the director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, Which is the longest-running study on adult relationships and happiness. And that 84-year research study has proven conclusively that the quality of your relationships is the single strongest predictor of happiness and health over your lifetime. Not money, success, not status. So all that stuff that you and I chase, the money, the success, the status, based on the research, that is not the strongest predictor of happiness and health for you over your lifetime. Your relationships are. And one of the things that I have found is that I have often allowed relationships to go on autopilot, and it has a direct connection to how lonely I feel when I do that or how unhappy that I feel. And when I make a conscious effort, when I make a decision that I'm going to prioritize spending more time with my friends, prioritize staying connected to people that I care about, Even if they don't live near me, When I prioritize finding ways to see family, holy cow, it just lifts up everything. ([Time 0:22:48](https://share.snipd.com/snip/82b160a2-852b-4263-add1-2c7aa530c392)) - **Intentionally Add Small Joys Weekly** - Identify one recent small activity that brought you joy and build it into your weekly routine. - Make tiny, repeatable versions of that activity so joy happens intentionally, even for three minutes. Transcript: Mel Robbins What's something that you've done recently that has brought you joy? And how can you do more of it? You know, sometimes, I don't know if you feel this way, but I feel like I get so focused on the big stuff. Like, okay, I got to make more money. I got to go for that promotion. I got to get into my dream school. I got to figure out how to save money so I can renovate this or buy a better car or go on that vacation or whatever it might be. And I bet if you just stop and think, what's something you did recently that brought you joy? I bet there was something small. And it probably has nothing to do with something outside of you. Probably has something to do with just a little thing that you did. Well, for me, I've got so many examples of this. In fact, I'll tell you one first that happened last night. And then I'm going to tell you something that brings me a lot of joy that I try to infuse however I can in my life. But let me tell you what happened last night. So last night, I'm having a great day right now because all three of our adult kids are home. We have one that lives in Los Angeles, another one that lives in New York City, another one that is in his sophomore year heading back to college. And so we're empty nesters. And it is just so amazing to have everybody under the same roof. And so we all cooked dinner last night, had a great family meal together, sitting outside. The bugs weren't so bad. We play this game, high-low, which I absolutely love. You share the high of the day, you share the low of the day. It's a great little game. You just go around and it really helps you connect with people on something deeper than, oh, did you read this thing? What's going on? So had a lot of fun. And then all of a sudden our daughter said, okay, so I stopped by Walmart and I bought a game. We are psycho Harry Potter fans in our house. And she had bought the Harry Potter version of Monopoly. I didn't even know this game existed. So she breaks this thing out and we are all arguing over which kind of one of the little figurines we're going to be and which house we want to be in. Of course, we've all taken the quiz that tells you what house you should be in. I am very proud to tell you I am Gryffindor. My daughter and my husband and my son are annoyed because they're Hufflepuff and our other daughter is Slytherin, but I digress. So what happened with the game, because we started playing the game, is we had so much fun and then we took it up a notch because we were just playing the game. And this is a tip. Games are always a lot of fun, whether it's cards or it's board games. Bet you had a lot of fun as a kid when you were doing that. This is something you can bring back. We took it up a notch and we challenged each other to read the cards in the best Harry Potter voice that we could read them in. And then everybody was dying laughing at each one of us trying to imitate a character. And it turns out I, how do I sound? I sound like that guy, that house elf, what the heck's his name? Dobby. Dobby is what apparently my voice sounds like. But anyway, we were just howling, absolutely howling. And so that's brought me a lot of joy. Games, learning games, playing games, bringing games to people's houses. And so games, games, games. The second thing for me that brings me a lot of joy, gardening. That's why I'm so tan. I've been gardening a lot. I actually, this is how much of a freak I am. I actually enjoy having a big glass of ice water and walking around my house outside and deadheading flowers. And if you're not a gardener, that means like you pinch off all the dead flowers that have bloomed and then they're like, you know, kind of like gross and ugly, not just because it makes It look nicer, but when you pinch off the dead flowers, the plant flowers more. I find it so meditative. It's just a personal thing for me. And so I could spend hours outside in my garden. I could spend hours deadheading. I could spend hours. Oh, another thing that we did is that we have lupin in the field and we pulled all of the seed pods off the lupin that have already flowered because they flower in the spring. And we pulled hundreds of them off the dead flowers. And then my daughter and her boyfriend and I, we sprinkled them all along the side of the driveway. And now I can't wait because next spring, when I drive up the driveway, I'm hoping that I'm going to see lupin that is sprouted close to the driveway instead of in the middle of the field Because we did that. And so those are two simple things, games and gardening, both with G. I didn't even plan it that way. But those are two simple things that bring me a lot of joy. And joy doesn't have to happen by accident in your life. Joy is something that can happen on purpose. So ask yourself, what is something that you did recently that brought you joy? And how can you do more of it? ([Time 0:29:35](https://share.snipd.com/snip/75773dc0-ec00-4089-afde-73901e60b720)) - **Family Game Night Turned Hilarious** - Mel shares a family evening playing Harry Potter Monopoly that led to roaring laughter and memorable voices. - Simple games created deep connection and fun without elaborate plans. Transcript: Mel Robbins And then I'm going to tell you something that brings me a lot of joy that I try to infuse however I can in my life. But let me tell you what happened last night. So last night, I'm having a great day right now because all three of our adult kids are home. We have one that lives in Los Angeles, another one that lives in New York City, another one that is in his sophomore year heading back to college. And so we're empty nesters. And it is just so amazing to have everybody under the same roof. And so we all cooked dinner last night, had a great family meal together, sitting outside. The bugs weren't so bad. We play this game, high-low, which I absolutely love. You share the high of the day, you share the low of the day. It's a great little game. You just go around and it really helps you connect with people on something deeper than, oh, did you read this thing? What's going on? So had a lot of fun. And then all of a sudden our daughter said, okay, so I stopped by Walmart and I bought a game. We are psycho Harry Potter fans in our house. And she had bought the Harry Potter version of Monopoly. I didn't even know this game existed. So she breaks this thing out and we are all arguing over which kind of one of the little figurines we're going to be and which house we want to be in. Of course, we've all taken the quiz that tells you what house you should be in. I am very proud to tell you I am Gryffindor. My daughter and my husband and my son are annoyed because they're Hufflepuff and our other daughter is Slytherin, but I digress. So what happened with the game, because we started playing the game, is we had so much fun and then we took it up a notch because we were just playing the game. And this is a tip. Games are always a lot of fun, whether it's cards or it's board games. Bet you had a lot of fun as a kid when you were doing that. This is something you can bring back. We took it up a notch and we challenged each other to read the cards in the best Harry Potter voice that we could read them in. And then everybody was dying laughing at each one of us trying to imitate a character. And it turns out I, how do I sound? I sound like that guy, that house elf, what the heck's his name? Dobby. Dobby is what apparently my voice sounds like. But anyway, we were just howling, absolutely howling. And so that's brought me a lot of joy. Games, learning games, playing games, bringing games to people's houses. And so games, games, games. ([Time 0:30:29](https://share.snipd.com/snip/617c811c-aeaf-4979-b9a3-5a067c44be1a)) - **Small Joys Act As A Life Raft** - Small, intentional moments of joy can materially help during burnout or depression. - Reintroducing tiny pleasures acts like a psychological life raft in hard seasons. Transcript: Mel Robbins There's a lot of research around those moments in life where you're burnt out or you're feeling the weight of depression and how finding small moments of intentional joy. This research comes from Dr. Judith Joseph. She's been on the podcast a number of times, a remarkable psychiatrist and professor at NYU School of Medicine. She's just remarkable doing all this groundbreaking research around the impact that small moments of joy can have uneven, very difficult moments of depression, but it's a lifeline. And so if you're in that space, you're not alone. And this question really matters. What's something you did recently that brought you joy and how can you do more of it? ([Time 0:36:38](https://share.snipd.com/snip/0c5aeea4-41d3-4787-badd-470ceeb936ca)) - **Knock Off One Procrastinated Task** - Pick one task you’ve been avoiding and schedule a timed session to finish it now. - Time yourself; most procrastinated tasks take minutes to an hour and free up mental energy when done. Transcript: Mel Robbins What's one thing you've been putting off that is just draining your energy? And usually the answer to this is something so stupid and little, and yet the fact that you're not doing it, it weighs on your mind. It's the thing that's always on the to-do list. I'll give you an example. There are drawers in my kitchen that for four years have needed organizing. And it weighs on me. I know it's dumb, but it weighs on me because I literally open up the drawer. It's not the drawer you use every day. It's one of those drawers. It's like two or three drawers down. You know the one I'm talking about. Mine has placemats in it and placemats that are all over the place. It's like a placemat garage sale in there. They're not organized. They're completely mismatched. Half the time, my family puts them away without wiping them off. Is there anything more disgusting than pulling out a placemat that somebody has put away and there's chunks of pasta sauce on it? That's my drawer, okay? And I don't think about it all the time, but every time I open that drawer, I'm like, oh, I need to do this thing. Do you know how long it would take me to do that thing for real? It would probably take me 10 minutes, but it weighs on me. I need to do something. And this is something that is on my list. What is something that you've been put? Oh, I'll give you another one, by the way, because it could be anything. It could be setting up that dentist appointment. It could be paying an overdue bill. It could be, oh, here's another one. Have you called your kid's pediatrician to set up the appointment for the physicals before school starts or before the sports season starts? Or are you going to be like me and it's something that you always put off and then it weighs on you? And then all of a sudden the first day of practice tryouts are there and your kid can't go because you're the idiot who didn't get off the pot and get this thing done. Welcome to my life, Mel Robbins. Is it putting that couch on Facebook Marketplace to sell? Is it updating the car registration? It's that thing that every time you see the pantry or the envelope or your laundry basket, you just get this sinking feeling in your heart. Here's another thing for me. This is gonna sound really gross. When Oakley went to college, our cat, Mr. Noodle, was so angry. Do you know what he did? He would get into Oakley's room any chance he could get and pee in the corner of his carpet. I know it's disgusting. And then I would go in there and I would do the carpet cleaner. He probably did this for two or three months. It doesn't matter how many candles, how much incense I burn in that room, how often I have shampooed that carpet. When I walk into that room, I'm like, oh God, I need to do something about this. And then I walk out and it weighs on me. And what would it take? I got to find a carpet installer and just schedule an appointment. And now we're off to the races. Instead, you know what it's been? Almost two years. And I know you're probably judging me. I don't care. Oakley doesn't seem to mind. He just burns a lot of incense in his room. But still, I know he's leaving for college. If I were to just get off my rump here and pick up the phone and call a carpet installer, I could book an appointment for early September when he's gone to just have him come in because I already Called the carpet cleaner. I called a professional carpet cleaner to come in and he hit that thing with the blue light and he turned to me and he said, you know, I could clean this, but I'm going to tell you something. It's not going to come out. If I were you, I would just rip this thing out and I would just start all over because this is disgusting. When a carpet cleaner tells you it's disgusting, you know it's time to replace the carpet. And I'll tell you another thing while we're on it, because clearly I've got a lot of things that are putting off. But look at this. This just happened. Okay, so I'm going to come close, but you can see right here, got this bloody mark right here. You know what that is? That is like a basal cell. It's not cancerous. I have like, my dad calls it, it's like rust on a car that needs to be scraped off. But look at this thing. The last person that did a Mohs surgery on me butchered me. Look at all the scars I have right here. And I know what this is because this scab is now coming through the scar. It is clearly part of the same problem. They're going to have to dig it out and stitch me up and all that stuff. How long is it going to take me to make an appointment? Five minutes. I have been putting this off for two weeks. I put a band-aid over it and I wear SPF 50 every single day. I don't know what it is about my body. I'm not even outside that much. I'm doing my three-minute loop and my morning walk. Otherwise, I'm working. But holy cow, I need to get this done. And it's weighing on me. It's weighing on me because I feel it. Unless I put a band-aid on it, I feel it. It's rubbing against my skin. It's bleeding onto my shirts. I need to do something about it. Okay. Here's the other reason why I'm bringing this up. And I wanted to ask you this question because I saw this TikTok account that I love called, how long does it actually take? And I was so inspired. There's this young woman named Christy. And on this account, how long does it actually take? She talks about how long she's been procrastinating on something, and then she does it, and she times how long it takes her. And what you realize is that the things that you've been procrastinating on for years literally can take five minutes. And you have all these things, whether for me, it's like, I got to book this Mo's appointment, or I've got to organize my drawer with the like placemats because nothing is where it should Be. And it drives me crazy. You have all these things that you let weigh you down and it would take you less than an hour to just get it off the list. And so here's what I want you to do and here's what I want me to do. Can we just pick one thing today? I don't care what it is. I know what I'm gonna pick. I'm gonna call and get my Mo's surgery appointment for this thing. That's it. It's gonna take me five to 10 minutes. I'm gonna get it scheduled. I'm gonna do it. Set a timer. Time yourself. Like see how long actually takes you. Don't think. Don't make excuses. Just do it. And here's what I'm going to tell you. You're going to feel so much lighter after you're done, and you're going to have proof of how long something truly took you that you've been putting off for months or years or weeks or Whatever, and you're're gonna be happy. ([Time 0:47:25](https://share.snipd.com/snip/3f2edb83-fdd2-4793-8d18-118416b8c37a)) - **Try One New Weekday Activity** - Try a new weekday activity (class, hobby, volunteering) to give you a reason to leave work and recharge. - Bonus: pick something you expect to be bad at to widen your learning and social opportunities. Transcript: Mel Robbins What's something new that you wanna try that you can do during the week? Well, say that again. What's something new that you wanna try that you can do during the week? See, you are probably like I am. You're so used to saving up all the fun for the weekends, saving it up for when you're not working. But then the weekends get totally overscheduled. Or like me, you plan to do a ton of stuff, but then you're so exhausted from working all week that you are like, okay, I'm going to sleep in. And then it's like 11 o'clock. And then you run to the farmer's market. And then it's one o'clock. And then you got to walk the dogs. And then it's three o'clock. And oh my God, what are we having for dinner? And so the weekend that was supposed to be fun is now just over. So I want you to ask yourself, what's a new thing that you can try during the week? After work or while the kids are at school? Is it a dance class? A fitness class? A cooking class, an art class? Is there an online class that you want to take at night? And bonus points, if you bring a friend or you make a friend while you're there, and extra bonus points, if it's something that you think you're really bad at. Like, let's say you've always wanted to paint. You used to love to paint when you were little. You've been drawn toward painting classes or pottery classes, but you're like, oh my God, I'm such a beginner. This is going to be such a cringy thing. No, no, no, no. Bonus points if you think you're really bad at it. And it's kind of hard for me to even think of something during the week. And so here's what I want you to do. If you are listening right now on Spotify or you're watching on YouTube, go right to the comments and I want you to put your ideas in there. If you're on Apple, the way that we can crowdsource things there is go to the reviews and like leave a review about this episode, but also please give us an idea. What's something cool you could do during the week? And one of the reasons why I love this is that there's a lot of study about productivity. If you give yourself something to do during the work week, it means you have a reason to leave work. Have you ever noticed it's just so easy to stay at your desk, whether you're working at home or you're working at work? Have you ever noticed how easy it is to go back to your laptop if you've got nothing going on tonight? It's so awesome when you've got something you need to go do, the class that you signed up for, the lecture that you're going to at the local library, the volunteer day at the house of worship That you go to, the thing that you're going to do in your neighborhood. And here's the other reason why this is important and why trying something new is important. Studies show that learning a new skill grows your brain and helps you age better. In fact, in one study, check this out, at Oxford University, researchers had half of the participants in this study take a juggling class for six weeks. The other half didn't do anything. The people who took the class around juggling changed their brain. They changed the visual and spatial parts of their brain. These are the parts that you use for juggling. And so in the study, they became thicker because they were learning a new school. How cool is that? So don't just sit there and rot. Don't sit there and work all the time. Find something to do during the weekend. I'm going to tell you what I'm going to do. There's a new studio that opened up that offers like bar classes and yoga classes. And I've done some of those classes, but they also offer hip hop dance classes at night. Uh-huh. 530. And I have not signed up because I've been like, oh, 530. I don't know if I could get it there. I might have to offer 530, 530. Wait, melt. Knock it off. Just start working a half an hour earlier. You can get there at 530. You can make a plane flight at 530. You can get to a hip hop dance thing. Here's the thing. I have never taken a hip hop dance class. I am super dyslexic. I am terrible at choreography. I am the person in one of those lines at a wedding, you know, where everybody's doing a, what do they call it? Like a line dance where everybody's doing the same. I am the person that turns in the wrong direction. I'm the person that has the left foot when everybody has the right foot. So I'm bad at this, but I've always wanted to be a great dancer. I've always wanted to learn shuffle dancing. And so that's what I'm gonna commit to. Tell me in the comments or tell me in the reviews, what are you gonna commit to? Because we all need a reason to stop working. We all need a reason to get out of our houses. We all need a reason and a place and opportunities to learn new things and to try new things. And so as your friend, let's do it together. ([Time 0:53:57](https://share.snipd.com/snip/9ef77b0e-d9e3-4c82-a681-03ab0432ebac)) - **Use The Five Questions As A Reset Tool** - Use these five questions repeatedly to pause, gain clarity, and act on what matters now. - Return to them anytime you feel off to reveal practical next steps. Transcript: Mel Robbins They force you to check in. They force you to get honest with yourself. And that's what our conversation was all about today. Just you and me, taking a moment out of the chaos of life to slow down, to reflect, and to remember, there are so many little things in your life that bring you so much joy. And those five questions, they're not just for today. These are a tool for you, a free tool that you can come back to over and over and over again. In fact, this is a great episode to bookmark. Whenever you feel like you're a little off or life's really hard or you can't remember the last time that you laughed or you're feeling really lonely, come back and listen to this because It will give you the permission to pause and it will give you these five powerful questions that help you reset where you're at and illuminate the path forward. And here's one more important thing. There is no right answer to these questions, period. In fact, when I asked them the first time, your answers may be different than when I recapped them just now. Mine kind of shifted a little bit. How I felt, I felt a little better after answering these questions. I also thought of more things that I could do that could bring me joy. And I think you're going to find the same thing too. Because just by asking them, you get yourself closer to your right answer. And that's how you know that they are the right answers because they're the right answers for you. They don't have to make sense to me. They don't have to make sense to anybody else. These questions are questions that reveal the truth for you. It'll make sense to you immediately. And then all you got to do is lean into it. And in case no one else tells you today, I wanted to be sure to tell you as your friend that I love you and I believe in you and I believe in your ability to create a better life, a life that you Love, a life that brings you joy, a life where you make seeing people that lift you up and that are important to you a priority, that you do these things on purpose instead of sitting back And waiting for it all to happen by accident. You're so much more powerful than you think. And these five powerful questions reveal that to you every time you ask them. ([Time 1:01:52](https://share.snipd.com/snip/edb26ecb-e01a-42bf-8577-257535568b09))