569- Top ADHD Challenges (And Solutions) for Teen Boys  ## Metadata - Author: [[ADHD Experts Podcast]] - Full Title: 569- Top ADHD Challenges (And Solutions) for Teen Boys - Category: #podcasts - URL: https://share.snipd.com/episode/989482a3-cc9d-4ffb-948c-3df1ad04ffb1 ## Document Notes ## Highlights - **Trust vs Control Spiral** - Trust and control form a spiral: stepping in to control communicates distrust and reduces trustworthy behavior. - Backing off increases a teen's opportunity to learn and become more trustworthy. Transcript: Brendan Mahan Today, and Carol already mentioned it, we're going to talk a little bit about the sort of push-pull of trust and control when it comes to parenting a son, a teenage son, especially with ADHD. Because ADHD means they mess up and they make mistakes. And that often causes us to want to step in and take some control and may or may not cause us to trust them less. But certainly when we step in to take control, we end up communicating to them that maybe we don't trust them as much. And then that can lead to them behaving in ways that are maybe not as trustworthy because they don't feel trusted. And then it sort of spirals, right? ([Time 0:02:59](https://share.snipd.com/snip/ad1c660e-fb83-4d3a-9fa8-4b9be9346b5f)) - **Step Back Quickly After Helping** - Resist over-helping and step in only when asked by the teen or a teacher. - If you must help, step back out quickly so your teen can practice independence. Transcript: Brendan Mahan And they're like, this year, I'm going to do it. I'm going to be fine. And we maybe don't want to believe that. And so we don't. And we stay over-involved in homework. So that means our kids are not learning the skills they need to learn to be able to do their homework on their own. We have to resist the urge to get over-involved whenever we can. We want to try to help only when we're asked to help, only when someone, either a parent, I'm sorry, either a teacher or our kid is saying, hey, help out, right? If we have to step in on something, we want to step back out as fast as possible. I've had this conversation with my kids where I'm like, look guys, I don't want you to feel like I'm not supporting you because in the past I've supported them a lot more than I am now. They're going to about to be juniors in high school. I'm like, I'm backing out so that I am making sure you're learning the skills you need to learn. And half of that is me getting out of the way so you can learn those skills. ([Time 0:05:06](https://share.snipd.com/snip/9401269d-f697-4487-946b-a82b4b4adec0)) - **Magic Nights Built Friendship** - Brendan drives his sons 20 minutes to a local store so they can play Magic: The Gathering and make friends. - The game night lasts about four hours and has helped them connect socially. Transcript: Brendan Mahan And they're there for like four hours from six to 10. And they're starting to make friends there. They're starting to connect. We're lucky that we have that store. Not everyone's going to have that opportunity. But there's stuff around town. There's things to look for to try to find them a different group of people to go and hang out with. They can work on a farm. They can get a job anywhere, really. And that would also help manage that isolation and oppose it. Strategies to reduce this isolation, right? Support them in finding those communities, as I said. Stuff that's beyond the home, school clubs, a music or a fandom scene, right? They could just go listen to punk music. Hobbies, maybe they're in the theater, I don't know, sports. We want to help them find a third place that they can make their own. That could be a gym, a dojo, a hobby store, a skate park, volunteer organizations, a bookstore, a coffee shop, the library, doesn't matter. ([Time 0:09:01](https://share.snipd.com/snip/3e4ca0ad-2b2f-49c7-8381-8585d25ee5d2)) - **Help Find A Third Place** - Support your teen in finding a 'third place' like clubs, gyms, or hobby stores to reduce isolation. - Encourage and gently push them to connect, highlighting small positive outcomes from social efforts. Transcript: Brendan Mahan Support them in finding those communities, as I said. Stuff that's beyond the home, school clubs, a music or a fandom scene, right? They could just go listen to punk music. Hobbies, maybe they're in the theater, I don't know, sports. We want to help them find a third place that they can make their own. That could be a gym, a dojo, a hobby store, a skate park, volunteer organizations, a bookstore, a coffee shop, the library, doesn't matter. We want to support them in connecting with friends, right? They might not know how, and their friends might not know how to receive or reciprocate that connection. We just got to keep pushing, right? And point out to them that once the friends come over, things go well, or once they connect with their friends and go get frozen yogurt or whatever, then things go well. So even though that initial process is maybe difficult, it doesn't mean they're being rejected. It just probably means that their friends are also not that great at engaging in social behavior, right? And connecting with other people. And the more we frame that as a skill issue for their friends as well as themselves, the less they're likely to feel rejected. ([Time 0:09:29](https://share.snipd.com/snip/0fe34fdd-d7fc-4d82-b7f9-e70c02735b44)) - **Regulation, Not Emotion Polarity** - Emotions are about regulation, not polarity; dysregulation can occur in any mood. - Problem-solving works best when both parties are regulated, so pause and return later if needed. Transcript: Brendan Mahan Emotional dysregulation challenges, right? Dysregulation is dysregulated, anxiety is everywhere and anger is a primary and secondary emotion. So this concept of dysregulated is important, right? Emotions are not binary. We often want to pretend they are like happy is the opposite of sad, but also somehow happy is the opposite of angry. And that's not how opposites work. So it's not like that. The way that emotions are binary is I'm either regulated or I'm dysregulated. Right. And I might be happy and dysregulated and that we've, I'm sure you've all had those moments where your kid is in a great mood and you're like, my kid's in a great mood. They're bouncing around the house. This is my chance to ask them about this thing that usually causes conflict. And it'll probably go well because they're in such a good mood. But because they're hyper, they just switch from happy to angry or excited to defensive. And now we're off to the races because I didn't recognize that they were dysregulated. We often notice the emotions that feel threatening when they're dysregulated, but the ones that don't feel threatening, we don't notice as much if they're dysregulated. Because dysregulated happy doesn't seem risky. Dysregulated angry does, right? So we want to be trying to solve problems when our kids are regulated, which means if we have a conflict, we don't try to solve the problem while we're in the middle of the conflict. ([Time 0:22:10](https://share.snipd.com/snip/c4cbcf73-44c5-4d1e-9b80-da6ab24c8158)) - **Set Boundaries For Angry Outbursts** - Name how your teen's anger affects you and set clear boundaries like leaving the room. - Teach anxiety-reduction strategies (exercise, grounding, soft fascination) to reduce anger triggers. Transcript: Brendan Mahan Tell them about how their anger is affecting you and set boundaries around it. Like, hey, when you start flying off the handle like that, I'm just going to leave. I'm just going to get out of the room because I don't deserve to be talked like that. Odds are that anger is coming from a place of anxiety, so strategies that reduce anxiety, exercising, soft fascination, looking at things for the long term, grounding techniques, Even the mammalian diving reflex, all of that stuff in the long term and short term will help. ([Time 0:29:05](https://share.snipd.com/snip/75782e8a-0b67-4419-b45f-efb34e59b2d0)) - **Define Phone Roles And Rituals** - Create clear phone-use categories and consistent boundaries for when phones are allowed. - Use household rituals (e.g., a 7 p.m. Alexa reminder) to shift from screens to family connection. Transcript: Brendan Mahan Let's talk about screen use. I know I'm covering a lot of stuff really fast. We will have questions afterwards. You can always email me if you need to. Screen use. The phone, the video games, the social media, let's play. Phones aren't going away. They just aren't. Our kids need to know how to manage them. And that ADHD is going to make managing them harder. Because ADHD means I am not great at managing my attention. And the phone is there to steal my attention at all times. So you probably want to set boundaries around it. Part of the problem with phones is that they have so many uses, right? We use it for entertainment. We use it for social connection. We use it to communicate about important things or do research. And the phone doesn't have any boundaries around that. So we have to create them. We have to build the boundary between the phone is entertainment versus the phone is research versus the phone is communication. Teaching our kids about the different ways that the phone can be used and helping them to set those boundaries is going to be useful. Consistent boundaries should be set regarding how and when the phone is used throughout the day. In my house, at 7 p.m., we have a reminder that comes off an Alexa that says, this is your reminder, put your phones away. That means we are done using the phone for entertainment. If we're looking for entertainment, we're finding it in each other. That's part of how we strengthen our connection at home. It might just mean watching a TV show. It might mean playing a board game or going for a walk. But that doesn't mean we really put the phones away completely. Because if we're researching something, we're allowed to bust out the phone. We just put it away as soon as we're done. This includes we're watching a movie and we're like, what was that guy in? He looks familiar. We might research that guy and figure it out in the middle of the movie. But then we put the phone back down, right? And we're really good about putting the phone back down and not staying in it. ([Time 0:29:40](https://share.snipd.com/snip/cb81ebf6-198f-4793-82a1-ee47203998bd)) - **Gaming Lacks A Decompression Path** - Video games act as modern 'sandlots' but lack physical transitions, so emotions escalate without decompression. - Require a deliberate decompression period after gaming before family interactions. Transcript: Brendan Mahan Video games. Video games are tricky too, right? Because they're kind of the sandlot or basketball court of the 21st century. Our kids are going online and playing with their friends. We're playing with strangers that they're meeting for a pickup game that they don't otherwise know, right? My kid was playing, we have like a VR headset, and he was like, I think I played with you last week, didn i oh yeah we did i heard him talking to this kid that he met over the internet apparently They're becoming friends in virtual reality which is cool it's weird it's not my world but it's his and i have to let that let him live in the world he lives in right video games are part Of how they decompress It's part of how they kind of manage their world. And sometimes it escalates those emotions. Right. And if my kid is on the basketball field down the street and gets all aggressive in the in the game and then comes home. He decompresses on the walk home. But if my kid is in plain virtual reality and gets all amped up from it, there's no walk home for him to decompress through. So we have to build that in his parents. We have to talk to them about like, look, you got to put that down and then decompress and then we'll move on. Right. It's because they're at home. There's a lack of transition from the emotions of the video game to being home. We have to allow them to have that transition. It can't be, all right, you're done, sit down at the dinner table. ([Time 0:32:04](https://share.snipd.com/snip/dcb0e1fa-d99d-451b-9d25-362c69bfcc5e)) - **Audit Influencer Messages** - Monitor who your teen follows and ask if those influencers make them angry or hopeless. - Discuss messages from influencers and push back on misogynistic or victimhood narratives. Transcript: Brendan Mahan And that's tricky because those relationships are one-sided. They're harder for us to monitor. And those people have a message, right? So we want to pay attention to what is that message? What are those people trying to tell our kids? And guard against it because there's folks out there who are not doing it right right there's folks out there who are they're just not doing it they're they're out there to make things Harder on our kids and make them angry right so we want to talk to our kids about who are they following and how do those people make them feel and what are the messages those people are delivering To you are they making them angry? Are they making, I had this conversation with my kids at least once, every six months or so now, like, are these people making you angry? Are they making you mad at yourself? Are they making you mad at some group of people? Are they making you feel empowered? Cool. Are they driving you to an unrealistic standard and making you feel like you have to be more than you have to be? Like, that's not good, right? Does it make you feel hopeless or inadequate? Or is it making you feel like the world is unfair or rigged against you for being a guy? There's plenty of male social media influencers that are doing that. Some influencers are promoting misogynistic worldviews that are blended with motivation, right? Often this self-destructive grinding mindset, a success at any cost mentality. And teenage boys find that appealing because they're trying to figure out how to be a man. They're trying to figure out how to be successful and do be the person they're supposed to be. And this grind mindset can be appealing, especially the ADHD kids who have unlimited energy at the moment. But some of them are just wallowing in victimhood and blaming women for why men aren't successful and that kind of stuff, right? All of that stuff can be appealing to an ADHD kid. ([Time 0:34:46](https://share.snipd.com/snip/45fb69ac-a092-45dc-9c9e-427f5d8c477c)) - **Use Logical If‑Then Consequences** - Frame boundaries as 'if-then' consequences that are logical and proportionate. - Start with small consequences and escalate gradually instead of punishing harshly. Transcript: Brendan Mahan So expectations are the things we want our son to move towards, right? Being well-mannered, caring for other people, being willing to do hard work to achieve their goal, but not working overly hard in a grind set mentality. Getting good grades, right? Entering a trade or going to college after high school, whatever that looks like. Boundaries are the things we want our kids to move away from or avoid. Substance use, isolation, unprotected sex, reckless driving, violence, treating others cruelly, sloth, that kind of stuff. These things are enmeshed with our values, and they require implicit skills that our sons might need to be taught directly. Our sons may want to succeed like they do. They just do. They want to succeed. So if they're struggling, if they're failing, it's a lack of skill or a lack of resources. We just have to communicate with them more effectively and teach them the skills that they need, right? How do get meet these goals and how do we avoid these things that are are important to avoid right i've i've taught my kids how do you deal with a party that gets out of hand right what do you Do if all of a sudden your friend needs help that you're not equipped to handle what do we do with these things and also how do we meet with success right how do i get to the thing that i want To get to? How do I build a strong connection, a good network of people around me? How do I learn the skills I need to learn? So we want to model these things. We want to teach them directly as appropriate so that our expectations are clear, our boundaries are clear, and they're able to meet both. When we're steering our kids, our sons towards something, towards positive expectations, when that fails, it's often where risky behavior comes in, right? In that case, we have to start setting boundaries. We have to say to our kid, this doesn't work, right? If we're setting boundaries with our teens, the relationship is strained. And now it is a power move. It's not as much of a trust move. But it's because at the moment i can't trust my kid so i'm going to set a boundary and then i'm going to trust them to respect that boundary um ([Time 0:38:05](https://share.snipd.com/snip/e6e71d3e-c5d4-49fd-ab25-dfb3a87005d4)) - **Punishment vs Logical Consequence** - Punishments aim to hurt and rarely teach; consequences should logically solve the behaviour problem. - Connect consequences to the problem (no gaming until homework is finished) for better outcomes. Transcript: Brendan Mahan They're connected. So punishments are a power move. They're designed to hurt someone for their behavior so that they don't do it again. They're not effective. And I just, I completely discourage their use. This, I had a, I talked to a mom whose son punched a kid in the face in baseball. The kid was little, like 10 or 12. And so, and the mom tells me this and then she tells me about how there has been conflict with these boys these other two boys for months and it finally bubbled over and her son ended up punching One of them because these other two boys were bullying her son and because he punched that kid in the face she wasn't going to let him get a fish like a goldfish and i was like these things Are not connected at all. Your son's needs were not met in keeping him safe from these bullies. So we took matters into his own hands and now we can't get a pet. Like that math doesn't math to me. Right. So we want to make sure that our punishments were not punishing. Right. You didn't do your homework. You can't have ice cream. Doesn't make sense. Consequences are different. Right. They're a logical result. ([Time 0:40:58](https://share.snipd.com/snip/928f2acc-cad2-4ca2-9763-8e47cca6eafa)) - **Let Teens Own Expectations** - Let teens help set expectations and include their values so they feel invested. - Make goals theirs, not just parental demands, to sustain motivation with ADHD. Transcript: Brendan Mahan As they get older, and if they're teens, they're older, our sons should have a say in what those expectations are. That way, they'll feel trusted and invested in the outcome, which is critical for their success with ADHD. And their values should play a role because their values are not our values. Another common thing I see is parents who are bewildered that their kids don't see marijuana as the dangerous nightmare drug that the parents see it as. It's because their kids are growing up in a world where that stuff's legal and the parents grew up in a world where it was illegal and vilified. Like, they're going to have a different view. The conversations might be hard, especially if we're taking different perspectives. But in the long run, it's their life. It's not ours. And we have to respect some of what they're doing, right, to help them stay motivated to their goals, which doesn't mean they should be doing pot all the time. That's not what I'm saying. But just recognize that they're going to have a different lens on some stuff. And if they don't care about the goals that are set for them, they're not going to pursue those goals. So if their goals are really our goals, they're not going to chase them. We want to make sure that they're setting their goals, not us. ([Time 0:42:26](https://share.snipd.com/snip/6b543811-1048-4be3-ac2d-f9f05cffa0ca)) - **Open Risk Talks With Comforting Framing** - Begin risky-behavior talks by stating it's going to be uncomfortable and they're not in trouble. - This reduces anxiety and makes the teen more likely to listen candidly. Transcript: Brendan Mahan It's going to be uncomfortable and you're not in trouble. Telling them it's going to be uncomfortable validates how they feel immediately. And telling them they're not in trouble alleviates some of that anxiety. So those two things are pretty important to say from the jump. ([Time 0:44:01](https://share.snipd.com/snip/8defd3f0-b2dc-4229-8a6d-36a517cda7da)) - **Change Body Language For Hard Talks** - Use gentle tone, body language, and shoulder-to-shoulder positioning for hard conversations. - Avoid squaring off face-to-face; sit at an angle or drive together to lower defensiveness. Transcript: Brendan Mahan Even a script is tricky, right? Because it just varies wildly from kid to kid and age to age. A lot of this is one one thing i would wonder is and i don't they don't have to answer this but like how oppositional is your kid and is it becoming less right because sometimes we only notice The opposition we notice the opposition because it keeps happening but it might be happening once every three days instead of once every two days and that matters like that's significant But maybe not noticeable um but the way like the the i tend to think of oppositional behavior as the gentler i can be the better my result is going to get so the like she said the less controlling I try to be the more likely i am to get my kid to do what i I need them to do. Because that opposition is coming from a place of anxiety. So really what I want to do is help my kid be regulated emotionally and calm and balanced. And then I'm going to get further when I make requests of them. Now, I can't always do that, right? Because maybe the teachers are the ones just regulating him. I don't know. But helping your kid to know, hey, bud, you're safe. Like, you're good. Whatever's going on, we're going to figure it out. It's just a problem to solve. That's a phrase I use a lot with my sons. It's just a problem to solve. Like, this isn't, this doesn't reflect on you and make you a bad person. It's just a problem we have to solve. Going to figure this out right um a lot of what i would recommend doing is is less about a script and more about it more about tone of voice or um phrases maybe like that's sort of a script But like you're not in trouble i'm not upset hey we And body language, right? Like have this conversation when you're both sitting down, do not square off on your son. Squaring off feels like confrontation to a boy. It often feels like connection to a woman or a girl, but boys and men feel confronted when you square off on them. So don't square off on them. If you need to have a hard conversation, drive down the road and have them sit in the passenger seat and just talk while you drive um so that you're shoulder to shoulder instead of face To face um and or like a 45 degree angle or ish is also useful um look at how coaches talk to their players and you'll get an idea what i mean um that's that's the way a lot of it has more to do With body language and tone of voice than scripts. But just being calm and like, hey, you're good, right? And if they're getting angry or frustrated, like note that. Hey, I can tell that you're getting angry. If we need to pull out of this conversation and circle back to what we can, I'm not mad at you. The more I can stay balanced while they're dysregulated, I want to be the rock that they can hold on to in their emotional storm. ([Time 0:44:50](https://share.snipd.com/snip/97ae83bb-2a9e-4bfa-bcbd-f3bff2cecc8b)) - **Be The Rock, Then Set A Limit** - Tell your teen how their lashing out affects you and set a boundary to end the conversation if needed. - Prepare yourself emotionally beforehand so you can stay the 'rock' during their storms. Transcript: Brendan Mahan I would tell him for one thing, maybe not in the moment, but like, hey, when you lash out like that at me, I experienced this. Like, this is how that feels. This is what happens for me, right? And so now I set a boundary, right? So moving forward, if you start lashing out at me, I'm going to end that conversation. We're going to have to have it. We're going to have to come back to it. But I'm not going to stay in that situation. So that's what's up, kid, right? Like, that might be a thing. Most conversations can wait a day usually um and half of these conversations if not more have been waiting for months to be had right so we can wait another day um and and know that you're That you get triggered right so if i know i'm going to be triggered and I'm going into this situation, I can do one of two things. I can either go, oh, man, I'm going to get triggered and get anxious about the fact that I'm going to get triggered and make my trigger even lighter. Or I can go, hey, I might get triggered in this moment. Let me steal myself. Let me do what I need to do to balance my emotions so that when I engage in this conversation, I can manage them better. ([Time 0:48:10](https://share.snipd.com/snip/4a341403-2720-4100-92dc-7ff3a32b6c25)) - **Pause And Reconvene When Talks Escalate** - Don't let emotional meltdowns derail negotiations; call a pause and set a time to reconvene. - Offer alternative formats (text, email, paper) if face-to-face talks consistently trigger escalation. Transcript: Brendan Mahan Working right like like the kid's strategy works that's what you're telling me so don't let it which doesn't mean you have to be mean about it right like look kid i love you we gotta talk About some new rules and boundaries and guidelines and stuff you're not gonna like it obviously because every time we have to try to have a conversation like this, you get upset. And I'm really sorry. I don't want you to be upset, but we do need to have this conversation. So I don't have a good answer. Would you prefer we have this conversation over text or over email or just pass a piece of paper back and forth? We can do it that way if you want to. That's's fine but we need to hash this out in some way right like that's what's up we've got to have these conversations with our kids and not the least of which because at some point our Kids are going to have a job and if their boss is like hey we have to talk and they melt down they're going to lose that job right so we've got to be able to handle it so that they can learn how To handle it so that they can then go off and do the things that you do as an adult and manage their emotions in a more professional environment as well like that. And it stinks. And I don't like I said, I don't like it either, but it's what it's how it works. Right. Like and and connect something connected to this that I want to because it's got to be in there somewhere, is the kid that swears or they insult us or whatever that's in here somewhere. That's the kid changing the subject. That's what that is. Don't let them. Disregard that. My kids could call me every name in the book, and I'm staying on topic. I might go, cut that out. That's not how we talk to each other. But then I'm going back. You can't call me that. I'm not doing that. That's not a thing. Cut that out. And then I'm going to go right back to whatever we're talking about. If they keep going, I'm going to be like, all right, so you're not ready to talk about this right now? I'm going to give you X amount of time, and we're coming back to it. ([Time 0:50:37](https://share.snipd.com/snip/38eb52e4-967a-494d-b362-410c27bf746a)) - **Name And Predict Mob Behavior** - Address classroom mob mentality by naming the behavior and its negative peer perception. - Predict their actions and calmly reset expectations to strip attention from disruptive patterns. Transcript: Brendan Mahan On how severe this is, administration and guidance, like, I mean, you know that, but I'm going to say it out loud anyway. I'm assuming this is a female teacher. It's a woman just because odds are it's a woman. So as a guy, I can do stuff that a woman can't do in terms of like mob mentality, man stuff. I would again give I would give them your dilemma. Like and I don't know what grade this is. It's probably high school. But I would just say to them, hey, guys, like, this is what you're behaving like this. And it's making my day worse. It's making your day worse. It's messing up the rest of your student, your fellow classmates days. And you might even need to go into like, I'm noticing that the other kids are looking at you in ways that you probably don't want to get looked at as like they're, they seem to, they're not Taking you as seriously. They don't seem to respect you like i would be mindful of how i would say that but you might need to share with them that their behavior is being noticed by their peers um and and and like Own it like validate it right like hey there might even be a way you can get depending on a teacher's personality and stuff some teachers can say, all right, so class, we're going to talk About this thing. And I know you guys are going to do X, Y, and Z when I start talking about this. So I'm ready. Like, just cut it out. I'll give you a minute and then we're going to move on. Right. And then you kind of go, like you just predict their behavior in advance. ([Time 0:53:57](https://share.snipd.com/snip/d3744edb-5a90-4d08-8ef3-b5e9c7fc8b5a)) - **Make College Apps Tangible** - Make college applications concrete: tour campuses and connect tasks to career-like experiences. - Break the Common App into small, scheduled chunks and treat it as a project with steps. Transcript: Brendan Mahan Can make it more concrete by touring colleges now. It doesn't mean you have to pick anything, but like, hey, this is a potential goal. You could talk to them about what they want to do like if they have a clear view of what they want to do with their lives you can get them connected to that in some way um one of these is going To sound obvious and one of these is going to be maybe not obvious one of my kids wants to do work with people who have ocd when he gets older he He basically wants to be me for OCD. So we're in the process of getting him to work as a peer support person because he has OCD and he's been hospitalized for it and stuff. So he's going to be on call with this mental health group so that if they have someone who needs a person with a teen with OCD to talk to them, he can do that. So he's getting a little bit of a very light preview of mental health work my other kid wants to make movies which is less obvious and i'm in the process of getting him on a film set because Turns out i know people who make movies they make small movies in massachusetts but they make movies so i can get him sort of doing that right talk to guidance counselors talk to your friends And see if you can help your kids envision what their job would be or career might be like so that college feels like it matters more or the workforce feels like it matters more we want to Make it more concrete um and then you also want to break the college application process down into small manageable chunks which hopefully guidance counselors are doing in the same Way that you would break an essay or a project down. Getting into college is just a project, right? ([Time 0:57:02](https://share.snipd.com/snip/fe67b706-fcb6-4ecc-8acd-9d61c0fb9192)) - **Age‑Scaled Screen Limits And Modeling** - Limit younger teens' daily screen time (about 1–2 hours) and expand gradually as they age. - Model the same rules as parents and keep consistent household cutoffs like 'no phones after 7 p.m.' Transcript: Brendan Mahan My lens on this is the younger they are right so we can go into middle school i guess i kind of start at like i don't know an hour or two maybe like it depends so hopefully they've got enough Going on that they're not on their on a screen that much right they're doing homework they're doing after school clubs or a sport or something if you've got that stuff going on it's going To crowd screens out if not you might want to find stuff that is a better alternative to screens so that they're on screens less um or think through think it through with your kid right Maybe an hour a day or two hours a day is sort of where you want to limit it and set that when they're younger. And then as time goes by and they get older, right, by the time they're 16, they're going to just be managing their phone. Right. And you might want to set boundaries around no phones after seven o'clock like my family has. But that means that you have to follow that rule too. Whatever rules you set up for your kids, you should follow. So we're not doing like a no phones after seven, but it's only the boys. It's my wife and I as well. We went from an hour in middle school to like two hours around seventh grade, or I'm sorry, around eighth grade freshman year. ([Time 0:59:08](https://share.snipd.com/snip/a443e398-83f9-4324-a62a-6b41a0b6b6fb))