Becoming Full of Yourself | Austin Channing Brown  ## Metadata - Author: [[We Can Do Hard Things]] - Full Title: Becoming Full of Yourself | Austin Channing Brown - Category: #podcasts - URL: https://share.snipd.com/episode/91f1dfe3-7314-4aab-977e-adcfd61f8aff ## Document Notes ## Highlights - **Selfhood As Justice** - Becoming full of yourself is inseparable from justice work and challenges the self-help genre that ignores systems. - Austin frames embodiment and self-possession as acts of resistance against oppressive norms. Transcript: Austin Channing Brown I think it's really easy to read this book and the genre of self-help, right? Self-help for women. My publisher would actually love it if I would just get on here and say this book is for all women. Glennon Doyle That's my job. They'd be very healthy with me. Austin Channing Brown But the truth is this work is just as connected to my justice work as everything else that I've done. And for me, the work of becoming full of ourselves is still justice work. Right? ([Time 0:05:02](https://share.snipd.com/snip/5321b0e9-8c1d-4fc8-a2a3-1fefb9981c33)) - **Centering Unlocks Deeper Learning** - Centering Black women in conversations yields deeper learning than centering white comfort. - Austin argues diverse internal dialogue reveals knowledge that translating to white audiences misses. Transcript: Austin Channing Brown So often when we do racism work, in particular racial justice work, we center the white folks in the room. We try to make sure that you all can catch up. We try to answer all your questions. We have tissues prepared for you. Everything gets centered around you and your experience. And over the last few years, my deep desire has been to see what happens when we center the voices of Black women. And I am convinced that everybody in the room actually learns more when Black women are able to have a conversation amongst ourselves with others present, right, than would happen If I just tried to communicate to you and you alone? And I think that is what I'm subtly, not subtly, trying to show with this book. ([Time 0:07:38](https://share.snipd.com/snip/6275f1a1-0cbf-43e7-b0fd-de04c8f37728)) - **Fired For Trying To Belong** - Austin recounts being fired from a mega church after she had emptied herself to fit their culture. - She realized she became smaller by altering speech, appearance, and opinion to belong and ultimately lost herself. Transcript: Austin Channing Brown Okay. So one of the first stories in the book is about me being fired. Just ruined what little self-esteem I still had at the moment. Okay, friends. My whole life, I have been the good girl, right? I have been the girlfriend that parents love more than the boyfriend loves me. Do you know what I mean? Like, I'm the straight A student. I'm the, right. I do not fail. And yet I was sitting in this mega church where I was on staff being told, being listed, listed the number of ways that I was failing before being fired. And I could feel myself getting smaller and smaller and smaller because I had worked so hard to empty myself. I had worked hard to be a person who was a cultural fit. Glennon Doyle What does that mean? Austin Channing Brown So at the job I worked at, all ([Time 0:11:03](https://share.snipd.com/snip/d24a9783-934e-4bc4-8797-2ede8a237617)) - **Find Community First** - Find a community before you start justice work to avoid isolation and burnout. - Prioritize belonging with people who see your full humanity over perks of fitting in. Transcript: Austin Channing Brown When they get to that moment, there is no pause, right? There is no pause to even ask the question, who am I going to belong to in this moment? And usually what happens is all the perks of belonging become more important. The the leadership development, the increase in money, the invitation to the, I don't know, golf trip, yacht thing, whatever. Amanda Doyle You know what I mean? Right? Austin Channing Brown But it comes with perks, right? And so often we prioritize those perks over belonging to ourselves, right? And so I think in all sincerity, what was really helpful for me was to have a different community to belong to. Glennon Doyle Yeah. Of course. Austin Channing Brown This larger structure, I have my own multicultural team who is trying to lead justice work. We are putting on workshops. We are leading trainings. We are talking about the culture of our church. We are talking about what we would like to see change. And now I have a responsibility to them, not just to myself. Glennon Doyle Right? Austin Channing Brown I already have a community of belonging. ([Time 0:15:24](https://share.snipd.com/snip/20c6623a-2e2a-40aa-9f1d-5e8c58606555)) - **Attitude Is Insider Knowledge** - Black women's 'attitude problem' is often 'insider information' about how systems operate. - Their lived radar spots misalignment that others interpret as negativity instead of expertise. Transcript: Austin Channing Brown Listen. Glennon Doyle You wrote this sentence, which I just put the book down. You wrote, Black people, especially Black women, are told we have an attitude problem when what we actually have is insider information. Oh, like if your publishers don't put that on a billboard in Times Square, they're not doing it right. This is a sentence and a half. Tell us more. What do you mean by insider information? Austin Channing Brown I know white people better than white people know white people. And white people really don't like that. Because white people really want to be able to hide. Right? They really, really want to be able to hide. And my radar, right? And by mine, I mean the radar of Black women, right? To be like, something's problematic here, right? Something's off here. ([Time 0:27:21](https://share.snipd.com/snip/9d4267ed-1d88-475b-8458-f05d702a0423)) - **Choosing Safety Over Performativity** - In a campus interview Austin refused to give the 'expected' confident answer about confronting drunk students alone. - She insisted on safety measures and got the job, showing honest boundaries can be respected. Transcript: Austin Channing Brown Is, well, of course, I'm going to get out of bed. I'm going to confront the students. I'm going to make sure everybody is safe. I'm going to take their IDs. I'm going to confront the situation. But I am a Black woman. I am 5'6", right? And we are talking about me being outside at 3 a.m. On a predominantly white campus. They didn't say male athletes, but I assumed male athletes who are not sober. This sounds like a terrible idea to me, right? But now I have to make a decision. And when I give my honest answer, which is what I would like to do, here's what I would like to do as a Black woman who's going to confront drunken male athletes at 3 a.m. I would like to call security, have them meet me, and confront the students along with folks that they will easily recognize as authority figures. Me and my pajamas does not seem like the best idea, right? But that's not the answer they're looking for and I know it. And so I have this moment where I have to decide, am I going to empty myself right now and give the answer that I'm supposed to give? Or am I going to risk losing this job by giving the honest answer and prioritizing my safety, not just the safety of the students, but prioritizing my own safety as a Black woman on a predominantly White campus. And in order to still get the job, I need the people at the table to not say, oh, but our students would never. Oh, but our student body is just so wonderful. It would never be that way just because you're Black. Amanda Doyle Or they say in their head, like maybe you answer that honestly and they say, well, then we're just going to hire a white person. Austin Channing Brown Right. Hello. Right. Or they say that's unfair. Amanda Doyle Yeah. Austin Channing Brown Right. Which is where we are in America right now. So expecting one of my white male co-workers who runs a different dorm to go out there and confront the students, that's a different standard than me asking for security. So that's inherently unfair. Right. Glennon Doyle Right. Austin Channing Brown And the inability to tell the difference between fair and just. Yeah. Glennon Doyle Can you tell us the difference between fair and just? Austin Channing Brown That's good. Right? Well, so in this, I don't have like a definition for you, friends. But in this, right, fair is to expect everybody to do the same thing at the same level for the same reward. But just takes into account this complex system that we actually live in. And in the complex system that we actually live in, we have to acknowledge that there actually are, in fact, people who are racist, that those who are racist are probably more likely To be so when they are drunk. And that we are putting a black woman in a dangerous situation, a potentially dangerous situation, right? And to ignore that reality, to ignore that possibility, that would be unfair. Yep. Glennon Doyle And that's insider information that you have. That's insider information. That's insider information. Let me see if these people think they know white people better than I do, because I'm going to tell them what would happen out there. And we're going to see if they know, or if they go, do you know? Right, right, right, right. So then what happened? I got hired. Austin Channing Brown Yes. I got hired. Which story did you tell Austin? Which answer did you actually give the people? Oh yes. I absolutely told them that I would not feel safe doing this by myself. And I made sure to actually answer the question. Like, this is not about fear of confrontation. But I am a Black woman and I need you all to recognize what that means for me on this campus. Right. And not only did they give me the job, friends, they were consistent in that support my entire time working there. ([Time 0:45:10](https://share.snipd.com/snip/f5b88d7a-9dcb-4ca7-b680-1833589e6a86)) - **Fair Vs. Just Distinction** - Fairness assumes identical treatment; justice accounts for unequal realities and risk. - Austin shows that identical expectations can be unsafe when histories and contexts differ. Transcript: Austin Channing Brown That's good. Right? Well, so in this, I don't have like a definition for you, friends. But in this, right, fair is to expect everybody to do the same thing at the same level for the same reward. But just takes into account this complex system that we actually live in. And in the complex system that we actually live in, we have to acknowledge that there actually are, in fact, people who are racist, that those who are racist are probably more likely To be so when they are drunk. And that we are putting a black woman in a dangerous situation, a potentially dangerous situation, right? ([Time 0:47:55](https://share.snipd.com/snip/cfde39ff-4100-4156-9f76-d9031bfa85a2)) - **Define What Safety Requires** - Ask yourself concretely, 'What do I need to feel safe?' in each context before making choices. - Tailor safety needs to the situation; childhood trauma requires different supports than workplace safety. Transcript: Austin Channing Brown What do you need to feel safe? Glennon Doyle Because your therapist kept saying to you that part of reclamation is asking yourself, what do I need to feel safe? What is that today? Austin Channing Brown I think this is one of the parts of the book where I can give stories all day long, but the answer for me is probably going to be different than the answer for you. Right? And what it is that we're focused on, you know, what I needed to feel safe in that job is a completely different question from what I need to feel safe from childhood trauma when I walk into A bathroom, right? That context matters, The level of trauma matters, right? The kind of trauma matters. And that is what makes being full of ourselves so damn hard. It's so hard because we're doing it on multiple levels. And that is actually a really important component to this book. ([Time 0:53:27](https://share.snipd.com/snip/ed754e41-b924-43b3-886d-fd6b9d0316d1)) - **Reclaim Yourself One Decision At A Time** - Reclamation happens by tiny, repeated decisions rather than a single mantra or quick fix. - Commit to moment-by-moment choices that protect your integrity and embodiment. Transcript: Austin Channing Brown It's moment to moment, right? I wish that I could be like, okay, well, we're going to like do this mantra really fast. Everyone do this mantra before you fall asleep and your life is going to change, right? It doesn't work like that. It really is in the decisions. ([Time 0:55:46](https://share.snipd.com/snip/666f4b19-e012-4459-88f7-1673cf1510b1)) - **Marginalized Solutions Scale Out** - Centering marginalized bodies produces remedies that scale outward to benefit everyone. - Austin criticizes mainstream self-help for radiating privilege and excluding many people's realities. Transcript: Austin Channing Brown I do believe it's for everyone. I believe it's for everyone because it's centered and marginalized, right. And a marginalized body. Speaker 4 That it's not in spite of it. It's because of it. That is such an important point because it's like you can get on the dartboard, but if you're right in the center, if you're in the bullseye, then it's like radiates out to the whole thing. Exactly. And that's what you're saying. If it's true here, it's true all the way through. Yes. Yeah. Austin Channing Brown And this is the problem with a lot of other like self-help women kind of books, right? Is that there is a level of privilege and a level of bias and a level, right? That does not radiate out, right? And so people who are marginalized pick it up and they're like, I got nothing. Like this does not apply to me. This is not my situation. I don't have access to any of this. These are not decisions that I could make. These are not options that are open to me. Right. And it becomes a really limiting experience. Maybe a great read, but a limiting experience. ([Time 0:56:52](https://share.snipd.com/snip/5accae80-304d-4063-baf6-861c6f419603))