How to Design Your Life  ## Metadata - Author: [[The Mel Robbins Podcast]] - Full Title: How to Design Your Life - Category: #podcasts - URL: https://share.snipd.com/episode/c99c9025-8611-44ad-855d-f5d2e706da36 ## Document Notes ## Highlights - **Design Is Intentional Decision Making** - Designing your life is about intention and deliberate decisions, not things or aesthetics. - Debbie Millman defines design as choosing how you want life to look, feel, and embody before making a plan. Transcript: Debbie Millman Designing your life is about intention. It's not about furniture. It's not about clothes. It's about intention. It's about making decisions about what you want your life to look like and feel like and embody, and then creating a plan to try and make that happen. Mel Robbins I absolutely love that because you do have a process that you have been teaching to students and graduate students for almost two decades. And you're going to walk a step-by through that process. And one of the things though, in case the person listening isn't familiar with your work, or they're not a graphic designer or a business owner, or somebody that thinks about design, An artist, a creative, can you just explain how you use design principles in relation to creating the life that you want? Debbie Millman Design, in its essence, is about very deliberate decisions about how you want anything to exist. It could be a product. It could be a logo. It could be a room. It could be a meal. That we do intentionally is something that we can design. We design how we look. We design how we live. We can even begin to learn how to design some of the things that are more unconscious. And that's what ([Time 0:05:00](https://share.snipd.com/snip/5ab60199-d104-42ee-b4f1-aed074b1458f)) - **Milton Glaser’s Life-Changing Exercise** - Debbie Millman recounts Milton Glaser's assignment to write a five-year future essay that changed students' lives. - She found her essay later and realized many items had manifested, which inspired her to teach the exercise. Transcript: Debbie Millman Else. I didn't plant these seeds. These seeds were planted for me. In 2005, I took a class with the late, great Milton Glaser. Milton Glaser is one of the great, great designers of the 20th century. He created the I Heart New York logo. He created that magnificent, memorable Dylan poster he's in silhouette, but his hair is all flying colors. And the last exercise of the class of this program was writing an essay to yourself about what you wanted your life to look like five years in the future. If you could have and get and be anything that you wanted, anything. And he asked us to take it very seriously. He said he'd been teaching this class for 50 years. Five-zero. 50 years. Five-zero. Yep. And he asked us to write an essay, five years in the future, if we could have exactly the life that we wanted. So he wanted us to write it from the moment we woke up on a day five years in the future till the moment we closed our eyes to go to sleep. Even though he was one of the most famous, if not the most famous graphic designer in the United States, maybe the world, he said that this class was the most important thing he was doing With his life. Wow. He also said for some mysterious reason, this was an exercise that changed people's lives, that he had been doing it for so long that virtually not a week went by when a former student Wrote him and said, everything came true. I don't know how or why, but everything came true. So not only did I write a 12-page essay, I also made a list of 20 things that I would be doing in 2010. And then Mel, I forgot about it. It was in a journal that I was keeping that I had a lot of other notes in. And about a year later, I was trying to remember where I had written an address down of something that was important to me. And I was like, oh, I think I wrote it in that red journal. And I went back to my journals and I took out the red journal, which I had finished. And I came across the essay. I was like, oh, wow. Because everything that I had written, I was aspiring to. The things that I was doing that I love doing, I was doing more of. But there were so many things. Like what? Like teaching at the School of Visual Arts, like being a member, a leader in the American Institute of Graphic Arts, writing a book of curating an art exhibit. By 2006, I had started teaching at the School of Visual Arts. I had forgotten that I'd even put that on the list. I had gotten my first book deal. I had been invited to be a board member of the New York chapter of AIGA. And I was like, whoa, how did that happen? Because I didn't remember that I had written any of that. I had completely put it out of my mind. ([Time 0:10:16](https://share.snipd.com/snip/a7a225d4-787d-43b2-8962-775b4d24e9d5)) - **Start By Time-Traveling Ten Years** - Start the exercise by carving out peaceful time and writing in the medium you prefer. - Time travel ten years ahead and describe your day from waking to sleeping without worrying about process. Transcript: Debbie Millman Taking the time to listen. How do we start? Well, you start by starting. Okay. You just decide, I'm going to start this for me, and I'm going to experience a lot of different emotions. Not all of them are going to be pleasant, but they're all real emotions, And those emotions are really important to look at because some people do have stress doing these types of exercises. They have stress for any number of reasons. One, because they might not think that they can achieve it. They might not think they're worthy. They might have a lot of fear about wanting things. What does it mean to want something, to really want something, and to admit that you want something? Mel Robbins You've got this incredible deck of cards called the Remarkable Life Deck. This is a deck of cards that I've created. Debbie Millman I designed and wrote the questions. It is a deck that includes instructions. It includes a little journal so that you can write in it if you want. And it includes 30 cards that have two different ways you can approach this exercise. The first is very prescriptive, the way I like things, with very clear questions. How do you define happiness? What are your career goals? What are you telling yourself you can't do that you can? Those are the kinds of questions I like. Very clear. But other people are maybe a little bit more abstract, want a little bit more freedom to go in lots of different directions that they aren't planning for. And so the other side of the cards are prompts. Imagine immensities, make the impossible possible. Took a long time too. So it gives you a little bit more freedom if you prefer being more abstract and it gives you a little bit more clarity if you like a protocol. Mel Robbins And one thing I want to say about you is that you were adamant that we made sure that the process that we're going to go through isn't something that you have to necessarily buy the deck Of cards for. And so I want to just acknowledge you, Professor Millman, for making a download available for free. So wherever you're watching this or you're listening, you can go to melrobbins.com/design your life. And Professor Millman has designed something for you that you can download that will act as a companion to everything that we're talking about for free. And so I want to thank you up front for that. Debbie Millman Oh, my pleasure. I wanted, when I was asked to create something around this exercise, I was very specific about it at the time being cards that people can play with. They can answer some of the questions, they can answer all of the questions, they can go in any order they want to, or they can go in the order that they came out of the box. And so for people to have this access to this exercise is the most important thing to me. Mel Robbins So one quick question is how specifically should we do this exercise? Because, you know, I know the person that's with us right now listening or watching is probably a lot like I am. Like, Professor Millman, how do I do this, Debbie? Tell me what to do. Am I writing it down? Can I listen to this podcast if I'm on a walk and then come back and write it down? Like what's the actual steps before you walk us through the prompts and questions? Debbie Millman I would suggest that you write however you like to write. Okay. If you'd like to write on your phone, write it on your phone. If you want to write it on your iPad, you can write it on your iPad. If you want to write it on paper, awesome. If you want to write it in a journal, beautiful. However you feel comfortable, that's the most important thing. There's no prescription to how it's done. And I would wait for an opportunity or carve out an opportunity for you to be in a place where you feel peaceful, where you feel free, where you'll have some space just for you. And then start to work on beginning to envision ([Time 0:16:00](https://share.snipd.com/snip/ffcd5df1-ed83-411b-824b-8287e2c91b76)) - **Avoid Realism; Imagine The Outcome** - Don't think about process, probability, or realism when imagining your future; focus on outcome and fantasy. - Make the vision as big and detailed as you want to reveal possibilities you otherwise dismiss. Transcript: Mel Robbins That you want. Why is 10 years an important timeframe to help you not think about probability, but to imagine what might be possible? Debbie Millman This is really amending the original exercise that Milton created. He gave us a timeframe of five years. I don't think that's realistic at all. And I don't want people to feel they have to be realistic. One of the other reasons that this can be distressing for people is that they are thinking about what is realistic. I don't want you to think about realistic. I want you to think the opposite of realistic. They also get very caught up in the process. This is not an exercise about process. I don't even want you to think about the process. I want you to think about the outcome. If you start thinking about how am I going to do this, it defeats the whole purpose. Make it your dream. This is my fantasy about what my life could be if I could get everything that I wanted. And it doesn't mean you're going to get everything you want, but it's certainly going to get you more than what you have. Mel Robbins That's true. And that I can guarantee. So we're going to think 10 years ahead. I'm 56 years old. So I'm ([Time 0:22:12](https://share.snipd.com/snip/4a6dfcc2-858d-4eb2-8fd1-5214cf103ba3)) - **List Five Things You’d Do Without Failure** - List five things you'd do if you knew you could not fail to expose bold desires you suppress. - Use that list to identify aims you can begin experimenting toward, even if they feel embarrassing. Transcript: Debbie Millman Wow. What's the next question? What are five things you would do if you knew you would not fail? Mel Robbins So 10 years from now, what are five things? Is it that you would do or that you've done? Like, how do you do this? Just anything. What are five things you would do if you knew you would not fail? Debbie Millman If you're doing them now, chances are you probably think you're not going to fail. If you have things as future ideas, chances are you would put those on the list. Mel Robbins Well, I'll give you a couple answers because as you asked me about the things that I want to master, or what are five things I would do that I wouldn't fail? Well, one is, and I'm even laughing at myself. Like I would imagine that that's kind of a normal response that you feel almost embarrassed that you're about to say this out loud. And I don't know why I am laughing at myself. But one of them is I really to write a fantasy novel. It seems stupid, but I don't know why I'm does it seem stupid? Why? Debbie Millman I don't know. But you're already living a fantasy. Why wouldn't you want to write a fantasy book? Mel Robbins I don't know. I guess there's something in it. Maybe it wouldn't be that good. Maybe that's the thing. Process. Probability., realistic. Yes. I'm actually trashing what's possible. What are some of the things that your students say in response to that question? Will you read the question again? What are five things you would do ([Time 0:38:12](https://share.snipd.com/snip/28fa5c8b-3f77-4a9b-8066-4924f5415474)) - **Make Daily Work To Build Mastery** - Create daily work habits like a 100-day project to build a body of work and practice finishing. - Keep making things alongside any paid job to grow skills and maintain momentum. Transcript: Debbie Millman They have to make something every single day for 100 days. And that gives them a body of work that they can then make as they wish without parameters, without a client, without worrying that they're not going to satisfy someone. But it also allows them to understand some of what they tell themselves about finishing something. Just because you're not in the mood to do something doesn't mean you have a permission slip to not do it. What matters more to you? Completing this assignment? Fulfilling your own personal obligation, your accountability to yourself? Or watching the new season of The Bear? What's the next question? What are you telling yourself you can't do that you can? How do people answer that one? My God. Usually ([Time 0:41:36](https://share.snipd.com/snip/52b32b7b-2576-457e-88d6-fe509f5e525a)) - **Fear Versus Hope Determines Action** - Fear often outranks hope; check whether you have more faith in fear than possibility. - If fear dominates, examine why and decide if hope is worth acting on despite uncertainty. Transcript: Debbie Millman You don't know that you can't do something until you try to do it. And just because you're afraid doesn't mean that, again, that gives you a permission slip to not do it. When you're afraid of something, you have to decide, do I have more hope for this possibility happening than I do fear? Or do I have more fear than I have hope? That's a really important question. If you're holding yourself back, it means that you have more faith in the fear than you do in your hope. And then you have to really examine why. Why am I so afraid ([Time 0:43:04](https://share.snipd.com/snip/6417b799-267f-4a1a-bd98-b23470330fb7)) - **Different Decades Reveal Different Longing** - Visions shift by decade: twenties focus on job and living, thirties on family and mastery, later decades on time and legacy. - Money and love recur across decades, showing persistent human priorities. Transcript: Mel Robbins What people visualize? Yes. What do you see when people, when you're teaching this to 20-year what are the big themes that people imagine when they look ahead 10 years? Debbie Millman Usually the 20s include job, relationship, apartment, home. Okay. 30s is a lot about family, children, mastery of a professional discipline. 40s, people start to want to create more, to make more, to have more time, to have more balance. They start thinking about their health more. They start thinking about physical fitness and what they're going to be like as they get older. Money is all the way across. There's not a decade that people don't write about money. There's also not a decade that people don't write about pets. Isn't that interesting? Well, it's love. Yeah. Unconditional love. Yeah. 50s and 60s, it's more about time. How am I going to use this time that I have? How am I going to create more meaning? What is my legacy? What am I leaving my family, ([Time 0:50:52](https://share.snipd.com/snip/c2d1470a-baff-4d66-97b1-db655bf5cfac)) - **Hope From Imagining Freedom Strengthens Now** - Imagining freedom grants permission and hope, which strengthens resilience in present hardship. - Even constrained people can find meaning by envisioning possible futures within their limits. Transcript: Debbie Millman I don't know that it's really about luxury as much as it is about permission. And yes, if you are able to imagine a life of freedom, there is an assumption there that you can be free. Mel Robbins We got to highlight that. I want to just take that high. If you can design a life that makes you feel more freedom, it means that there is a belief in that assumption that it's possible that, that changes you now because that's what anchors And gives you hope. Yes. Seeing a brighter future helps you shore yourself up now. And that makes you better equipped and more resilient to move through where you're at now, knowing that there's something coming in the future. Yes. Debbie Millman And if we are all privileged enough to be free, then let's be more intentional with that freedom. I'm actually working with an organization where I'm going to go and work with incarcerated people to imagine what their lives can be. And that really showed ([Time 0:52:40](https://share.snipd.com/snip/0fcb6391-36d7-4fbf-aadc-22639653e053)) - **Declare Out Loud And Then Expand It** - Read your essay aloud to trusted others to declare desires and expand what you permit yourself to hope for. - After sharing, revisit and add to it to supersize your possibilities using others' examples as permission. Transcript: Debbie Millman Students have completed, they have a week to do the exercise. They come back the next week and we share them. And that's terrifying to people. Mel Robbins If I share them, you mean read it out loud? Debbie Millman Read them out loud. That's what Milton did with us. We had to read it out loud. Some people are really excited. They like charge up to the front of the room and they're like ready to share. And then other people are super scared and very shaky and afraid to admit this to folks, afraid share their desires, their needs, their hopes, their dreams. And when people hear other people share their dreams and hopes and ideas about their future, it empowers them. This is a wonderful exercise to do with other people because you can share. And also the people that love you most can also encourage you to go further. Is suddenly people hear other people imagining immensities. One of my favorite, favorite cards is this one, imagine immensities. What's the question that helps you do that? Well, in this case, this is what are your career goals? What is your job title? How do you get to work? Do you travel for your job? How many people do you work with? What is the best part of your job? But this imagine immensities is in consideration of everything here. Imagine immensities. And when people hear other people, nobody responds with, really? How do you ever think you can do that? It's more people cry because they're so thrilled at hearing somebody share and declare. And that part of this, I think, allows people to go a little bit further. So after that first week, and when we share, I ask people to go back one time and add anything you think you might have missed. Ooh. So after you read it, you get to add more. And that's something I did, not Milton. I love that. We get to supersize our own possibilities. When you hear how much other people can expand their possibilities, expand their ideas about their lives. If you have ([Time 0:56:56](https://share.snipd.com/snip/94ec896a-f2b6-428e-b231-c023d7abdafb)) - **Make Opportunities; Don’t Just Wait** - Dwell in possibility rather than waiting for opportunity; creating opportunity increases chances of manifestation. - Making the life until you make it is authentic and process-driven, unlike faking it. Transcript: Mel Robbins To exist, even as just an idea among friends, there is no change that you're going to make. Debbie Millman Well, I think people sometimes wait for opportunity as opposed to creating opportunity. Mel Robbins And- Say more about that. What's the difference between waiting for opportunity versus just becoming the kind of person that can create opportunity? Debbie Millman When you're waiting for opportunity, you are passively waiting for things to come your way and hoping that things will come my way. I'm hoping that this will happen. I'm praying for that to happen. I'm desperate for that to happen. But you can also look at it from another perspective. I want this so much, I'm going to create this opportunity for me to try to make it happen. Now, there's no guarantee ever. But if you try, you have more chances of being able to manifest that than if you were waiting. It's true. Mel Robbins A bunch of our producers on the podcast tried the exercise, and a lot of them, especially the producers who are in their mid to late 20s, found it extremely stressful to even ask themselves The question, imagine waking up and you're 10 years older, what does your life look and feel like? Where do you live? What do you see? What does it feel like? Why do you think it's so stressful to imagine your ideal future? Debbie Millman I think it's particularly stressful now for people in their 20s because the world is so uncertain. And it's very hard in today's world where we are constantly being bombarded with the performative aspects of success, where success is made to look effortless and easily attainable. And that breaks my heart because I know very few people that have become successful easily. There's always the prodigy, but most people have to work really hard to get what they really want. And it takes as much work to get the work. Mel Robbins That's a lot. How do you cut through that and find that space of possibility? Because your dreams are still there. It's almost like what you're saying is the acute amount of pressure and overwhelm and uncertainty and options that are before you make you question the possibility even more. Yeah, absolutely. Debbie Millman And that's when you have to double down on what you think you can create in your life. And I say that word create very intentionally because you are making it up as you go. And ([Time 1:02:08](https://share.snipd.com/snip/dfbd1fb8-9193-4f05-aa1c-f33efeaca45b)) - **Read, Store, And Revisit Your Essay Privately** - Read your future essay, then put it away and revisit it in a year to measure quiet progress. - Keep the process private and soulful rather than broadcasting it for validation. Transcript: Mel Robbins Read it and put it away. Put it away? Yeah, put it away. Read it again in a year. And when things start to happen, is it important to acknowledge that it's happening? Is it important to claim that these small signs are happening? Debbie Millman I wouldn't necessarily claim it in a public way. I think it's a lovely way to reassure yourself that you've done something meaningful for yourself and you can appreciate that in yourself. But I think it's also a very private, ([Time 1:09:08](https://share.snipd.com/snip/d412f3b9-811e-4af8-a90c-2e844a63469d))