How to Reinvent Your Life Starting Today  ## Metadata - Author: [[The Mel Robbins Podcast]] - Full Title: How to Reinvent Your Life Starting Today - Category: #podcasts - URL: https://share.snipd.com/episode/0a2e4268-dc0e-417a-beec-c08775ce0530 ## Document Notes ## Highlights - **You Can Stop The Train** - Your present circumstances are not your destiny; you can stop the train and reevaluate at any age. - Recognize when "good enough" becomes a limiter and allow yourself to want more with abundance in mind. Transcript: Hoda Kotb This is not where you are going. And the key to me is something that I feel like I've learned is sometimes you feel like I'm on a train and I'm going to go to my grave. I'm on the way. Just pull on in. And I think what I realized is you can stop, hit the brakes on your life at any time. I don't care if you're 20 or 40 or 60 or 80. Brakes, pause, and look. Look at your life. Just look at it from 35,000 feet and then decide, do I want to change it? And I'm here to tell you, I feel like I'm living, breathing proof that you can change it at any time. Things you thought were impossible are not impossible. They are actually probable. You can do these things, but you have to know that the possibility is out there. You are on fire. I'm on fire because I feel it in my bones. I feel it in my bones because I was the person who thought, this is my life. This is as good as it's going to get. And I am grateful and thank you. And that's enough. And I went from that's good enough to that's not enough. And there's more for me out there. And Mel, it's out there for the taking. I think we sit there and go, oh, you know, that's enough. Don't be greedy. Don't be selfish. It's too much. Abundance, Abundance is available. I mean, look at you. Look at me. Like, it's out there and available. Mel Robbins You're listening, whether you're taking us on a walk or we're in your car or you're watching us on the big screen on YouTube at home, that you went from, okay, this is enough to that's not Enough. No, no, no. I mean, good enough is not enough. Hoda Kotb Good enough is not enough. And I'm not saying be constantly dissatisfied. Okay. So unpack that because I think especially, and we're going to get into it. Mel Robbins We're going to get into your story because you have done this, stop the train, look around. Do I like where I am? Do I want to get off? Do I want to go to different? You have done this so many times. We're going to run through these kind of major points where you're like, stop the train. Yeah, stop it. Stop it. Or freaking accelerate the train. But talk for me for just a second about the difference between, okay, good enough is not enough, being an abundant point of view and an anything is possible or what if possibility expansion Point of view versus good enough is not enough being something that you bash yourself. Hoda Kotb You see what I'm saying? Yes. So I think sometimes you can feel like you're always having FOMO, like what's over there? I don't know what hives good enough. Look at their relationship or look at that job. That looks better than my job. I'm not talking about that. Talking about that when you quiet yourself and sit and you think to yourself, is this relationship, is this job, is this whatever giving me what I deserve? Because I think when you feel like you're not worthy, then you take the guy who's, meh, he's okay. I'm not okay. He's gonna, I'll take that. Or the job where they grind you down and nobody ever gives you any compliments and you're not really getting a raise and you've asked for it 20 times and they're not responding. Like, I think there are moments to look at your life, reevaluate and change it. I'm not saying I want that beach house and I like what they have and I'm never going to be satisfied. No, I've been satisfied in my day-to every day with what I have. I can also do that and look ahead and go, okay, I feel like I'm worth more than what I have right here. So I'm going to, ([Time 0:08:43](https://share.snipd.com/snip/caff6420-eb0e-4693-9612-1cd9a2f296ee)) - **Make A Time Pie To See Priorities** - Map your life by cutting paper pieces sized to how much time and energy each area takes. - Rearrange pieces until your priorities reflect how you truly want to spend your life. Transcript: Hoda Kotb So she said, okay, I want you to get a piece of paper and I want you to cut it up in a bunch of pieces. I was like, okay. So I did that. She goes on each piece, I want you to write down a part of your life that requires your time, your attention, your love, all the things. And each piece should correspond to how much time, effort, energy you put in. Mel Robbins Oh, so the pieces of the paper are different sizes. And so you're like, okay, the big one, okay, there's job, or there's taking care of my parents, or there's taking care of my kids, or okay, got it. Hoda Kotb So I started writing down kids, and that was a big piece, the biggest piece. Work was, you know, medium size. And then it was visiting my mom, exercising, taking care of my dog, taking trips, blah, blah, blah, blah. So I looked at my whole thing and she goes, there's your life. How do you, is that, Chelsea, are your kids really bigger than your job? And I go, no, actually they're not. She goes, well, let's change those. So we flip those. And are you really spending that much time visiting your mom? No. Okay. Why don't you switch that? Why don't you switch that? So make work even bigger. By the time it was done, I looked at my papers and she goes, that's your life. Do you like it? That's how you're going to spend your life. You've just shown me. ([Time 0:14:59](https://share.snipd.com/snip/88d24e80-b8bf-480c-b08e-8f2d2393ac53)) - **Speaking A Buried Desire Opened Doors** - Hoda buried her desire for motherhood until a friend asked why she'd never voiced it, which prompted her to speak it aloud. - Saying it unlocked a chain of events that led to adopting her daughters in her fifties. Transcript: Hoda Kotb I was 51, think. And I was walking down the beach with a good friend of mine and her name is Jen Miller and I love her so much. And she's kind of a mother to everybody. And she said casually, as we were talking about life and we were just at a baby shower and she goes, oh, we didn't, we never wanted kids. And I stopped and I looked at her and I said, actually, Jen, I, I kind of always did. And she said, but you've never said that. And I said, but I want to say it because it's like I want to be an astronaut or whatever. It's not happening. And she goes, is that why you always said you wanted to be a teacher of elementary school kids? I said, yeah. She goes, is that why you said you wanted to run a summer camp? I said, yeah. She goes, oh, my God. So I kept saying to myself, I can't believe I said it. And I go home, speak it out loud. I go home and I turned on access or something like that. And Sandra Bullock had just adopted a baby named Louie from New Orleans. I was like, how old is Sandra Bullock? I'm like, oh my God, she's my exact age. It's possible. And so this secret, this, you can't have it. Don't say it because you can't have it. I said it. So I was like, that was weird. So I was like, is that a sign? So I ended up watching something else on TV and there was this little boy. And I remember the image so clearly and vividly. He was in Syria and he was covered with soot and he was crying and it was terrible and his parents had died. And I looked at that kid and I was like, that kid, that kid needs me. Like, I'm not like, what am I doing here? There are kids who need me too, just as much as I need them. And one by one, after speaking those words out loud, things were happening. And so here I go, I start the adoption process. I'm 51, filling out papers, like what is happening here? Mel, I am like sitting at my desk because it's never happening. And the phone rings and the lady on the other end of the phone says, my two favorite words in the English language, she says, she's here. Haley Cain. This was solely because I spoke it out loud. ([Time 0:22:59](https://share.snipd.com/snip/3b503471-51bd-48bf-a141-0d04b4c94d11)) - **Say It Out Loud To Someone** - Tell a trusted person what you secretly want to invite accountability and possibility. - Sharing the desire opens the door because you stop locking possibilities away by yourself. Transcript: Mel Robbins There is somebody in your life, because I'm so struck by the fact that you can identify the exact moment, the exact conversation. The train is going down the beach. Normally, you don't say anything. And you're like, whoa, wait a minute. I actually want kids. Yes. And you stop. I can see it as clear as day. You stop. We've all had that walk where you turn to a friend and go, are you really happy in that marriage? Mm-hmm. When are you going to leave that job? Like, you know, just like- Something. Something. But I want you, because I know there's something you're saying to yourself, just listening to Hoda right now, I've told myself I can't start a business. I've told myself I'll never find love again. I've told myself I can't have children. I can't be a parent. I've told myself that there is something that it is not possible for me. And here's what I want you to do. I want you to share this episode right now with somebody that is in your life that you trust and say, I just listened to this incredible conversation with Hoda. And it made me realize that I've been blocking the possibility of ever finding love again. I've been blocking the possibility of starting over. I've been blocking the possibility of getting out of debt. And I needed to tell somebody I trusted. And so I'm telling you. And watch what happens in your life when you open the door to the possibility that you could have this thing. ([Time 0:28:06](https://share.snipd.com/snip/0c73d2ae-db3b-4b2d-b94b-f86446012c8c)) - **27 Nos And One Yes** - Hoda drove across multiple markets after college and received 27 rejections while pursuing TV jobs. - One station manager, Stan Sandroni, finally said "I like what I see" and changed her career trajectory. Transcript: Hoda Kotb Can you share that story with us right now? I was a B-minus student at Virginia Tech, okay? My SATs, I skimmed the trees, barely making it, okay? I was a tridel, I had fun, yada, yada. So it wasn't my finest hour college. I mean, it was fun, but so when I graduated from Virginia Tech that did not have a big communications department at the time, I went looking for a job and I borrowed my mom's car for a one Hour trip from my house in Alexandria to Richmond to get hired. I roll up there and I'm dressed up and I'm feeling good and then shake the news director's hand. I'm like, I'm Hoda. I'm like, I love it here. I'm going to sit there. I'm going to date that guy. Like I had it. I was like, done. The guy takes my tape. He puts it in the machine. He plays it. He stops it. He goes, oh God, you're not even ready for Richmond. Why did you come here? I go, I had the interview. This is my only interview. I only had one. He was like, well, you're not ready. You're green. Who sent you here? How did this even happen? And I had a friend of a friend had sent up there. And he goes, but wait, I got a buddy of mine. He's hiring in Roanoke. I go, Roanoke, Virginia. Okay. He goes, if you leave now, he's going on some trip, some news director's trip. Do you want me to call him and tell him you're coming? I said, yes. So it's four hours away from Richmond. So I called my mom. I go, mom, I'm going to borrow the car. I didn't, she goes, how was Richmond? I don't want Richmond. Okay. Nobody wants Richmond. I want Roanoke. So I drove to Roanoke. I roll up there. I'm like, okay, I'll sit there. I'll date that guy. I don't care where it's good. Guy takes my tape, plays it, stops it. After, I don't know, 30 seconds, a minute, he goes, you are so not ready for Roanoke. He's like, you're green. You're not good. You know, see you later. And I'm like walking out and he goes, whoa, Hoda, before you go, I got a buddy of mine. He's hiring in Memphis, Tennessee. I go, okay. He goes, he's going on the same news director's conference I'm going to. He's leaving tomorrow. Do you want me to call him and tell him you're coming? I go, yeah, yeah, yeah. Call him, tell him I'm coming. So I go, mom, she goes, do you like Roanoke? I go, no, I need the car for two more days. I'm driving to Memphis. Tennessee is the long skinny state. Memphis was over here. I drove across the great state of Tennessee all the way to the end. The guy meets me. I look like a crazy, because I'm exhausted. And I handed my tape and he goes, plays it. He stops it. He goes, Hoda, why would anyone send you here? Memphis is a big market. Who sent you? Rowanoke? No, no, no, no. You're not ready. And so this went on. Mel, so he sent me to somebody else. I kept driving. I drove and drove and drove. I was 10 days driving around. I got rejected in Birmingham, ABC, NBC, CBS. No, no, no. That was three. I drove to Dothan, Alabama. Okay. That guy asked me, do you know how to put the tape in the machine? I was a child. I got rejected. I got rejected everywhere. It was over 27 no's. So I felt terrible. I'm a loser. James Taylor on the radio, take me home and end this nightmare. And I got lost because this is what happens when you're driving. And there was a big sign that said, Greenville, our eye is on you, CBS. I said, let me roll in. Let me get rejected in Greenville and let me get a map. I'm going home and starting my job in PR or whatever. And this guy, Stan Sandroni, was my life changer. I roll in there hot. I look like a big old mess. I hand him my tape. He goes, my name's Stan. I go, hey, Stan. I was sports director yesterday and they promoted me. I was like, okay. He goes, what's your your name? I go, Hoda. Come on in, Hilda. Let's look at that tape. So he took my tape. Mel, he sticks at the machine. Stan plays my tape. The worst tape in, obviously, history. I've played it for everybody around the Southeastern United States and got nothing. And that man stopped the tape and he looked at me and he goes, Hilda? And I said, yes. He goes, I like what I see. I like exploded in tears. So what it taught me, if you're a kid getting through college and trying to figure out is not everybody needs to like you. You just need your one. If you have one, and just to show you, Stan loved me. They told us to bring someone to Studio 1A who changed our life. And I brought Stan Sandroni, who was like, I knew it from the beginning. I'm like, well, you were the only one because nobody else thought I was worth anything. But I think that's the thing. If you're graduating college or in your 20s or whatever it is, and somebody tells you you're not good, you're not good enough, because that's what they all told me to my face, you're not Good enough. And that will bust your confidence in half. But when you find one person, one who says, I'll take a chance, then you're like, he changed the whole course of my life. ([Time 0:47:40](https://share.snipd.com/snip/43189f6f-fade-4d37-a2d4-d430fb35ef05)) - **The Power Of The One Yes** - You only need one person who believes in you to change your path; keep pursuing until you find them. - Quitting hands the game to discouragement; persistence lets probability work in your favor. Transcript: Mel Robbins I would say it's because of Stan, but it's also because of you. Because most people would not have gone through 27 notes. And the important thing to extract from that story, whether you're 20 or you're 50 rebuilding your life after divorce, is the 27 and the one. Because all you need is one Stan. And if all you've gotten or knows, then you haven't met your one Stan yet. And as long as you don't quit, you can't lose. Yeah. Hoda Kotb Yes, that's right. Because quitting is the moment you lose. Yes. Yes. And I have to say, Mel, I was questioning, like, is this God saying, like, wrong door, stop knocking. How many no's do you have to get before you say, okay, I get the message now. And I'm not sure if it was just stubborn. Like I was thinking about it. I've thought about it before. Like, was it just being stubborn and like being, you know, like I'm not going to give up. ([Time 0:53:05](https://share.snipd.com/snip/5d03a1f0-f7e7-4975-9a45-7cab732db1d3)) - **Use Micro Affirmations Daily** - Change your mental settings by repeating a positive phrase and actively seeking evidence. - Small daily affirmations shift attention and produce a different experience of the day. Transcript: Hoda Kotb I don't know what it was. It was just like the kids were out of control and everything was not good. It's just like one of those weekends. And I was listening to something and someone said to say the phrase, good things keep happening to me. And I was like, oh, please do not even start with that dribble. I was like, this is not right. Okay. No one's listening. My kids are barfing. It's not working. So in the morning I decided, you know what? I'm going to say the phrase. Let's see if phrases really work. So I woke up that morning. I texted my trainer and I said, can you meet me at 5.15? And he said, yes. I said to myself, good things keep happening to me. Brian's available. So I get in the car. I start in. It's about 10 after 5. He's really close. I go, good things keep happening to me. My kids slept through the night. Good things keep happening to me. There's a parking place because I'm early. I never get this spot. Good things keep happening to me. I'm going to do a workout that's going to... And I have to say, it sounded cheesy when I started it. By the time I got home, I was like, kids, good morning. I felt different. ([Time 0:55:30](https://share.snipd.com/snip/bdbf04a0-664b-4333-b89e-775e1916ebf1)) - **Daily Four-Part Journal Prompts** - Journal daily with four prompts: body, intellect, emotion, spirit and list what each needs. - Use those entries as a mini roadmap to identify gaps and take small consistent actions. Transcript: Hoda Kotb What are those prompts, Hoda? They are body, intellect, emotion, and spirit. And under each one, I write what they need. What does my body need today? It needs a walk. It needs a bath. It needs manicure. It needs sleep. Write it down. What does my intellect need? What about that book that's been sitting on my bedside table forever that I haven't cracked open? One chapter. I need one chapter of something intellectual. What do my emotions need? I didn't get time to put my kids to bed well last night. I'm going to take time and I'm going to read. And what does my spirit need? Oh, I need a better connection with God. So I'm going to read this or do that. Once you start looking at your life on the daily, you understand what you need and what's lacking. And I feel like that's like a mini roadmap for the day. Now, you're thinking to yourself, I want to change. I'm scared. I don't know how to do it. Okay, here's what you do. I read this somewhere, but you do 30 minutes for 30 days. So you want to start a new business. Here's what you're going to do. Today, you're going to spend 30 minutes today, whenever it is. 30 minutes checking out, oh, go on AI. I want to open a coffee shop. What is the competition in my neighborhood? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. 30 minutes done. Tomorrow, 30 more minutes. Okay, give me a business plan and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Boom. Number three, you do it for 30 days. When you're done, you have 900 minutes clocked, 900. So you know whether you want to open a coffee shop. You have enough data. ([Time 1:09:00](https://share.snipd.com/snip/8a430731-a279-465f-b2d8-f98035d6511b)) - **Try 30 Minutes For 30 Days** - Do 30 minutes of focused exploration for 30 days (30x30) to test a new idea without risky leaps. - That yields 900 minutes of data to judge whether to pursue the jump further. Transcript: Hoda Kotb I read this somewhere, but you do 30 minutes for 30 days. So you want to start a new business. Here's what you're going to do. Today, you're going to spend 30 minutes today, whenever it is. 30 minutes checking out, oh, go on AI. I want to open a coffee shop. What is the competition in my neighborhood? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. 30 minutes done. Tomorrow, 30 more minutes. Okay, give me a business plan and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Boom. Number three, you do it for 30 days. When you're done, you have 900 minutes clocked, 900. So you know whether you want to open a coffee shop. You have enough data. You're going to understand whether that's a good idea or not for you. So my advice is baby steps toward the jump. You need to dissect it and figure out if it's really what you want. ([Time 1:10:00](https://share.snipd.com/snip/162c9a09-924b-457d-9d29-c4c63bfaddf2)) - **Clarity Is Buried By Discouragement** - People often know what they want but silence it because they've convinced themselves it's impossible. - Discouragement buries clarity; voicing desire is the first step to reclaiming it. Transcript: Hoda Kotb That's so good. Mel Robbins Oh, that's so good. It's good because it's true. It's true. And, you know, if you really sit with that, you could have easily told yourself, nobody's going to hire me because my tape's that bad, but you knew what you wanted. Hoda Kotb Yeah. Mel Robbins And the desperation. Hoda Kotb That's what it was. There was no inspiration. It was desperation. Mel Robbins But I'm a negatively motivated person. Like, there's not a lot, like, you know, I'm flipping more to the positive and the go, go, go. I want to go to that moment when your life turned upside down in your 40s and you got the breast cancer diagnosis. And I read that you felt like something cracked open in you. Can you talk about how that experience changed you? And I also love the line you would say to yourself, again, back to the language, back to the words, back to the settings of the mind, you can't scare ([Time 1:18:27](https://share.snipd.com/snip/28f004c4-ce6f-4b77-9fa1-f4368497ff9f)) - **A Stranger Told Her: Don't Hog Your Journey** - After her breast-cancer treatment Hoda met a stranger on a plane who told her, 'don't hog your journey.' - That moment freed her to stop hiding and use her experience to help others, changing her approach and career choices. Transcript: Hoda Kotb And I'm the kind of person who wandered it over. I did not want to discuss. It wasn't going to be part of me. It was going to be one of those things that happened that I was going to forget about. Goodbye. I didn't like how I told a couple of people and the way they looked at me was horrifying to me. Sad eyes, poor thing, she won't make it. That was the feeling I got. And so I was refusing to speak about it. I was going to have a mastectomy. It was going to take a lot of time and it was going to be over with. No more. No discussion about it. And a funny thing happened while I was in the healing process. I was asked to go on this Today Show shoot. They wanted to get me back on the saddle and come on, you can go. And I was like, yes, I wanted to go because I didn't want to be defined by anything that was happening. And so I got on the plane. I did this shoot. It was overseas in Ireland. And I felt horrible. My body was failing me. I looked scary. I felt horrible. And I was like, what the is happening here? I was like, my body's broken. It's over. I felt terrible. And I got on the plane to go home. And a stranger sitting next to me, who at the time I was just trying to put my earbuds in and get away from the guy. He was like, how you doing? I was like, good. Go away. Jesus. He's like, no, you got, you're on one of those shows? And I was like, oh, like I wanted to sleep so badly. And the guy started talking and I liked him. He was friendly and he goes, so he was asking me questions. I was asking him questions. And he said, what's that on your arm? I go, oh, it's a compression sleeve. He goes, what's it for? I go, oh, I had a procedure. He goes, what procedure? I go, I had an operation. I was like, what the? And he goes, what was it? I go, oh God. I go, okay, I have breast cancer. I said, but I hope when you get off this plane, you don't say, oh, I sat next to this girl with breast cancer. He goes, what is wrong with you? He goes, breast cancer is part of you. It's like going to college or getting married. He goes, let me give you some advice and you can go to sleep. I was like, all right. I go, and I'll never forget what he said. He said to me, don't hog your journey. It's not just for you. He said, think of how many people you could help on the plane ride home. He said, you can put your stuff deep in your pockets and you can take it to your grave or you can help somebody. I have chills. Ken Duane was his name. And I never forgot it. And I was like, I was hiding it. I wanted to bury it. And this man just cracked it open, opened the door. This guy, Ken, a stranger. He changed everything for me. I was no longer hiding or ashamed or worried about what people would think of me. ([Time 1:19:39](https://share.snipd.com/snip/8c28e808-92f4-40ca-935b-e6696eee376c)) - **Embrace Being A Beginner** - Be a beginner again when you start something new and embrace learning without shame. - Recruit friends and experts to build momentum and learn brick by brick. Transcript: Mel Robbins Be a beginner again. Be a beginner again. Hoda Kotb I'm 61 years old and I'm a beginner again. It's like I'm on the JV basketball team and I'm learning how to do it all over again. And I see all these varsity players and I'm like, I can't believe I'm actually in this group. Being a beginner again is one of the finest feelings in the world. I love it so much. I don't know. I'm learning every day. I called you, Mel. You came on in a group meeting with my team. Mel came on with my entire team when we were just like toddlers, infants trying to figure out. You're like, here's what's going on. This is what, this is what, this is what we are learning as a group. Joy 101 is a, it's a wellness platform. It has all of the things I love so much and I'm learning how to run it. We're doing retreats. I'm learning how do you run that? Who do you hire for that? We have an app that has a place where you can put your information in and it gives you a kind of a curated special program just for you. It's mind-blowing. So as I'm going through this, I'm learning to build something brick by brick. First, I called my sister. I'm like, hey, Hala, do you want to do this with me? Yeah. My best friend, Karen, who's genius. I go, do you want to do this? Yeah. She's like, I have a friend named Mike. Mike was one of the founders of Open Table. He came and joined us. Mike said, I got someone named Radhika. She's an awesome. She came. I got someone named Kate. And like, literally, we're like this band of friends that came together to build this wellness platform. ([Time 1:28:57](https://share.snipd.com/snip/a34785be-4e7a-4418-8208-fce222181f1c)) - **Belief Powers Persistence** - Belief in possibility is the engine of sustained effort; tentative trying rarely yields success. - Commit mentally to probability of success and keep working until it happens. Transcript: Hoda Kotb Think the most important thing to do is to tell yourself that it's possible and believe it because you're not going anywhere if you're not believing in the possibility. If you're trudging around saying, well, I guess I'll try. It's not working, dude. It's not going to work. You don't even want it to work. You have to go in with the belief that there is a probability of success for me doing this. And that's changing a mindset because you've got to feel the things inside. And I know it sounds blue sky, but it is not. The only reason I have been successful in all the places where I have tried is because deep down inside, I knew it was going to work. They wondered with me and Savannah together, is it going to work? Two women? We're not sure. We're not sure. I knew it was going to work. I knew it was going to work. I know this business is going to work. They're like, is it going to work? Is it going to work? Yeah. I go, you couldn't make it fail if you tried. I tell some of my employees, we're working. Get on the train. Like we're going. And it's going to work because you're not quitting. Not, oh, never. Well, that's why something works. That's the biggest one. Because I'm going to keep ([Time 1:32:44](https://share.snipd.com/snip/de1d425f-c1c9-46d7-b678-9add05262d76)) - **Use Box Breathing To Create Space** - Pause and practice box breathing: inhale four, hold four, exhale four to trigger calm quickly. - Use intentional pauses to create space for clarity before acting. Transcript: Mel Robbins No, seriously, like, slow down right now. Let's take a breath. And here's how I want to breathe with you. I know it sounds kind of weird, but let's do this together, okay? We're going to breathe in for a count of four. We're going to hold it for four. And then we're going to exhale for four. This is called box breathing. Research shows it is one of the fastest way to tap into your relaxation response. You ready to do it with me? Okay, here we go. Oh my gosh, I needed that. When was the last time you did that? When did you stop and take a breath? I'm not talking about the quick autopilot kind of. ([Time 1:37:31](https://share.snipd.com/snip/f49e871f-1c22-4e27-b1a2-b83546a04193))