Testing Abby: How Well Does She Really Know Glennon?  ## Metadata - Author: [[We Can Do Hard Things]] - Full Title: Testing Abby: How Well Does She Really Know Glennon? - Category: #podcasts - URL: https://share.snipd.com/episode/0e5cebee-5d9e-484f-8a47-01a0a78cce5a ## Document Notes ## Highlights - **Glennon's Favorite Rooms** - Glennon loves the reading nook slash art section of the dining room table as her favorite room. - She also enjoys the bedroom because she loves sleeping, calling it "where the magic happens." Transcript: Amanda Doyle Glennon's favorite room in your house? Abby Wambach This is difficult because of course it would be our bedroom because she loves sleeping. It's like her favorite thing when we get into bed at night, but because her art stuff, let me just give you a little bit of a visual. I do want, we don't have an art room in our house. We don't have enough space. So upstairs on the top floor where we live, the living room and the kitchen are on the top floor. So Glennon set up her art studio at the end of our dining room table. And then there's a little nook where she sits and reads in the mornings sometimes. So I would say that area of that room, like the room is a big room. So it's, you have the kitchen and the living room and the dining room all like right next to each other. Yeah. It's all one open space. Yeah. Yes. OK. Amanda Doyle So the reading nook slash art section of dining room table. Yes. But I also will say that she very likely could say the bedroom because she loves going to sleep. That's where the magic happens in my magic. We mean sleeping. OK. Which one of you is most likely to initiate a home improvement project? Abby Wambach Oh, Glennon, a hundred percent. Okay. For an example, she wanted to have Christmas in June. She needed to like a change up of energy and she wanted to put up all the Christmas decorations and I called marriage. I was like, no, that means I have to go get all the shit. I got to put up the Christmas tree. No, I don't want to. She loves home improvement projects. She loves thinking about things. I mean, the amount of time we spend on Zillow and never buy a house is illegal. It should be illegal. Yes. Amanda Doyle Anticipation is 90% of the experience, right? So you can just, you can just anticipate and anticipate and never do anything. Abby Wambach And then you have 90% out of the 10. That's pretty good. Yes. One of the things about Glennon is that she likes to start the projects and then, you know, she'll go through the whole house and clean out every cabinet in the house. And I just have to wait until she's done. And there's just piles of stuff to get thrown out. So it's she's a starter of home improvement projects. Yeah, for sure. She's the one that's initiates initiator, not completer. Amanda Doyle OK, what ([Time 0:05:09](https://share.snipd.com/snip/3ad5102e-bcc1-47df-84db-c7b14ca26687)) - **Glennon's Finger Writing Habit** - Glennon has a funny habit of writing one word repeatedly with her finger and erasing it on her leg. - This habit is cute and shows how she regulates herself, though it might seem odd to others. Transcript: Abby Wambach Like how it actually happened versus how you. I'm like a 75% correct storyteller. And she's like a 99er. Amazing. What is something she's seldom right about? Hmm. Numbers. Numbers. Numbers and time. Who's the better budget keeper? I am. Well, I mean, yeah, Glennon doesn't do any of that. Amanda Doyle That's interesting because you did not used to be. Abby Wambach Yeah. You used to be a budget buster. I was a budget buster. And what I realized when we married was that Glennon wasn't going to take the reins. And so I had to do it. What is a funny habit about Glennon that makes you smile? Funny habit. OK, something that makes me smile. This is going to sound so weird and it might not be funny, but like. I am so amazed at how much she reads books, you know, like a normal person, like the person who's listening to this podcast, like, you know, when you have like 10 or 15 minutes to spare, Like you grab your phone and you're like seeing what the kids are doing or, you know, looking at your emails. If she has like five minutes to spare, she's reading a book. I also think she might say that she's always fidgeting with her hands. Oh, yes. She might also say that that's an annoying thing, annoying habit. I think that she does. I don't. I think it's cute because I know that she's like trying to like regulate. Oh, I think it's funny. Sometimes when we're watching TV, she will draw one word in cursive and she'll write it over and over and over again and erase it, like fake erase it with her hand. So with her left hand, let's just like say she's right. Somebody will say a word that was interesting to her. She'll start writing the word and then erase it and then write it again and then erase it and then write it. But she's not writing it. It's just with her finger, just with her finger on the couch, ([Time 0:13:04](https://share.snipd.com/snip/ff1db9f9-40b2-46f3-8c25-bf984636889e)) - **Ollie Dog Food Excitement** - Abby's dogs get very excited for Ollie dog food, showing the "Ollie effect." - They jump and drool eagerly, highlighting the appeal of fresh, human-grade ingredients. Transcript: Abby Wambach I'm 100% sure that they would use it to order Ollie. After switching to Ollie, I've never seen them this excited for mealtime. They drool, they're jumping up and down. In fact, Hattie is now like getting onto the counter. She's put her paws onto the counter looking for Ollie. That's the Ollie effect. Ollie's fresh turkey with blueberries. This has been our dog's instant favorite. And the fact that it's made with human grade ingredients and zero fillers or preservatives, that ([Time 0:19:43](https://share.snipd.com/snip/88caae42-ea8d-4fcd-940a-16941f4f0bb8)) - **Let Go of Perpetual Fixing** - Stop constantly trying to fix yourself and live in the after of the work you've done. - Allow yourself to enjoy peace and freedom instead of always chasing new goals. Transcript: Abby Wambach All of the after of the work for right now. I don't know. Work begets work. And then talking about your problems begets more problems at times. And I think we've done solid foundational building work, but I want to like live in it for a while. Yeah. I don't want to jump to the next thing quite yet. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I shouldn't talk about it. I don't want her to. Yeah. Yeah. Amanda Doyle That's very, cause yeah, it could just be your own mental health could be ([Time 0:23:45](https://share.snipd.com/snip/c58272ad-ce24-427b-a1c5-4e0b095b425e)) - **Glennon's Superpower Aspiration** - Glennon's best superpower aspiration is guiding and loving everyone she cares about. - She acknowledges the importance of respecting each person's own higher power. Transcript: Amanda Doyle Glennon had to spend $100 on something, what would it be? Probably like a shirt or a mani pedi. Abby Wambach Okay. Or like a massage or something. Yeah. Yeah. What sense would Glennon say is best in you? Okay. Amanda Doyle So Glennon saying this about you, Abby, your sense of time, your sense of humor, your sense of adventure or your common sense? Adventure. Okay. What's Glennon's favorite season? Summer. More than five years ago, when Glennon wrote Untamed, she described herself as midnight blue. And a lot has changed since then. What color would you say she is now? What color would she say she is now? That's good. Abby Wambach I would say she would say about herself that she's kind of like this yellowish ([Time 0:24:22](https://share.snipd.com/snip/17988c43-b8b5-4fdb-8bff-7d6788d1d3e6)) - **Overcoming Power Struggles** - Power struggles in relationships can be overcome by self-regulation instead of controlling others. - Accepting each other's unchangeable traits and managing conflicts improves connection. Transcript: Glennon Doyle During that time, all of the things that I fell in love with Abby about started to drive me batshit crazy and vice versa. And so we had a long couple years of like a power struggle and we had to learn how to argue and learn that neither of us were going to change really all that much. And so it was a time of acceptance. Yes. So that was a toughie. I think a lot of people don't even get out of that phase. So I'm proud of us for that. That's right. Abby Wambach And I didn't necessarily completely say that, but I kind of said it with conflict and getting through it a little. Glennon Doyle And I feel like we would say it was half learning strategies and really working our asses off inside of conflict and half just a little bit of going dead inside. Right. Abby Wambach Just being like, well, that's who they are. This is what it is. Yeah. This is who they're going to be. Yeah. Glennon Doyle Yeah. Sometimes you keep it alive by going dead inside. Right. Abby Wambach Yeah. Amanda Doyle There's a lot to be said for that. It's a hopeful death. Other people might call it radical acceptance, but going dead inside is another way of putting it. Abby Wambach Yes. I also said that, because I went back to the beginning and the way that I kind of came into the family, I think was a real challenge. Oh yeah. Glennon Doyle The blended familiness of it all. Abby Wambach Yeah. That was a challenge. Glennon Doyle But I don't feel like that's something we've overcome. That's just something that we continue to deal with. Abby Wambach Oh, so you think we've overcome the power and control struggle? Glennon Doyle Oh, mostly. I mean, I think we still get hitched, like a little hitch. We still get a little hiccup. But I think mostly we have. Great. Do you think mostly you have, Abby? She said, great, in a very high-pitched way. Abby Wambach What do you think? Yeah, I mean, I think that the last couple of years have been interesting. We went through the first couple of years of moon honeymoon, and then we went through two years of power control struggle. We were fighting a lot, like nitpicking. And then we went. Two or three years with nothing, and then Glennon started her therapy again. So that's brought up a lot of stuff because I think that you buried stuff. I think you went dead inside. And so now that you're really being true to how you feel, you are able to express yourself in certain ways that are that is different than you did before that it was just like either going To be your way or the kind of it's right or wrong. It was your way, which is right or it was wrong. Right. And now you have a different way about it. And so the power and control is it's almost like owning your discomfort with the situation rather than saying, you're doing this wrong. Glennon Doyle Yes. I'm trying to regulate myself instead of controlling you to regulate me. Yes. And you're doing an excellent job. Thank you. Abby Wambach You're really working through it. So the issue itself is still alive, but the way that it's being handled is making it a non-issue, if that makes sense. Amanda Doyle That's so important. Would you agree? Yes. The gist of that, that you are trying to regulate yourself so that you're not controlling ([Time 0:29:57](https://share.snipd.com/snip/6d212b15-28f5-4145-b9db-92cbb139c15f)) - **Self-Regulation in Relationships** - Learn to be emotionally okay to serve your people without using them to regulate yourself. - Protecting others often serves your need to feel okay, not their true needs. Transcript: Abby Wambach You did before that it was just like either going to be your way or the kind of it's right or wrong. It was your way, which is right or it was wrong. Right. And now you have a different way about it. And so the power and control is it's almost like owning your discomfort with the situation rather than saying, you're doing this wrong. Glennon Doyle Yes. I'm trying to regulate myself instead of controlling you to regulate me. Yes. And you're doing an excellent job. Thank you. Abby Wambach You're really working through it. So the issue itself is still alive, but the way that it's being handled is making it a non-issue, if that makes sense. Amanda Doyle That's so important. Would you agree? Yes. The gist of that, that you are trying to regulate yourself so that you're not controlling her in order to regulate yourself. That's the whole, so like this is something that happens all the time with kids, right? So like, I can't handle that my kid is being left out instead of dealing with my grief and shame and fear and projections into the future about what it means that they're being left out And all of my anxiety about that. I will control the situation. I will find other friends. I will make sure they're included, whatever it is, because I need that situation to regulate me instead of just like dealing. Yes. Because then it's whack-a Yeah. Glennon Doyle It's the whole shebang, I think. Yeah. In relationships. That's the biggest thing in the entire world for me is learning how to be okay so that I can be of service to my people, not use my people to service myself and my own nervous system. It's good. Yeah. Yeah. Amanda Doyle You're doing good. Yeah. And protect them because it's not, I mean, people think they're serving their people by protecting them, but really that need to protect is serving your need to feel okay. Glennon Doyle Yeah. Yeah. Our people are not existing just to make our, not to be like, you know, cat scratching poles for us. And I don't think we really realize we're doing it. No. But yeah, they need to know we're okay so that they can live fully based on their own desires and wants and feelings and not ours. ([Time 0:32:14](https://share.snipd.com/snip/9ab207da-e0ec-40d1-821b-ac6b6e2308c9)) - **Glennon Knows Soccer Rules** - Glennon knows all the rules of soccer, surprising many who think she doesn't. - She uses humor and the beginner's mind to invite others into the sport. Transcript: Abby Wambach Well, okay. I will tell people this. Not many people know this. Not many people know this. That Glennon knows all of the rules of the game of soccer. And she is not pretending. Oh, that's a good one. Thank you. That's better. Yeah. Glennon Doyle So people think that because I do the bit, the funny, the shtick of like, I don't get the soccer, that I don't know anything about sports. But actually, I know a lot about sports. That is a vehicle that I use, that humorous, I'm an alien, I've just landed, I've never seen a soccer game. The beginner's mind of it is something that I use as a joke to talk to people about soccer, because when Abby and I first met and I started learning all the stories about the women on this Team and it just started to blow my mind, I promised myself I would get as many people as possible from my little world to soccer. And I felt like the middlemen between people and sports is so gendered and so like ridiculously male and so meant to turn people away that it would be funny to have another sort of middleman Inviting people in who didn't know much. But I actually really do know what offside is and lots of rules. Amazing. Abby Wambach Probably more rules than I do. Honestly. She probably knows more rules than I do. She's like, what is that? And I'm like, I don't know. I never knew any of the rules. ([Time 0:46:16](https://share.snipd.com/snip/993debad-98df-4f14-9632-d392dd359281))