Your Team Reflects Your Leadership Values  🔗 **Source:** [Your Team Reflects Your Leadership Values](https://share.snipd.com/episode/7b763dbf-e8bd-4b0f-bdab-346d70438e42) ## Highlights - **Team Behavior Reflects Leader Values** - Leaders' behaviors directly mirror organizational culture rather than communication alone. - Aiko observed patterns at Fortune 100s where lack of self-grounding causes people to chase external validation and destabilize culture. Transcript: Aiko Bethea I would say that the same thing I saw within organizations when I was supporting them with their culture reflected what I saw in the leaders at all levels. So not just the C-suite that I work with, but also folks who might be entry level. And it was this, what could have been built for them is knowing who they are and who they want to be as a leader versus always looking for external validation, second guessing themselves Based on whichever way the wind was blowing. Is my boss glad today? Are they in a bad mood? Who do I need to be? Did I get an argument with my partner today? What is the news saying? I remember that voice of my grandmother that was saying X, Y, and Z. But supporting them and getting right back to their own grounding of who is it that they want to be and to have that intrinsic motivation versus going any way which the wind blows and feeling Insecure or unsupported. John Jantsch When you, we already mentioned the BS in the subtitle, was there a pattern that you were actually naming when you chose that for your framing? Absolutely. Aiko Bethea We say the framework itself is very simplistic. The framework for self-leadership at home or at work is being anchored into your values, aligned in terms of your actions, aligning with those values, and then being accountable for Whatever that impact might be as well. And I would say that just with that alone, it helps people to come back to the forefront. And I had to think about what gets in the way of somebody actually practicing this framework. And it's what I call the BS. So they could be the things in terms of we all have a community or family of origin, this belief that you need to always be producing to earn your worth, a belief of perfectionism or scarcity, Which is like, hey, there's only enough of juice to go around, right? Or here comes John being hired. So I need to either sabotage him or keep one upping him versus thinking there's enough of space for everyone. And once I go into scarcity, it completely goes, it's like the cousin of catastrophizing. Because once I realized, oh man, John's a new guy on the block. He's going to, there's only space for one of us. And I think, wow, you're doing so well and you're outshining me. Next thing I do is I see that I'm going to be fired. I'm not going to be able to pay my bills. We're going to be homeless. It happens like in a second. ([Time 0:02:34](https://share.snipd.com/snip/da87afa6-3a0b-4a5c-bdac-da09d5deaf41)) - **Anchor Align Accountable Framework** - Use the Anchored, Aligned, Accountable framework: anchor to values, align actions, and hold accountable for impact. - Identify top two values (avoid dilution) and test whether actions produce the intended impact. Transcript: Aiko Bethea We say the framework itself is very simplistic. The framework for self-leadership at home or at work is being anchored into your values, aligned in terms of your actions, aligning with those values, and then being accountable for Whatever that impact might be as well. And I would say that just with that alone, it helps people to come back to the forefront. And I had to think about what gets in the way of somebody actually practicing this framework. And it's what I call the BS. So they could be the things in terms of we all have a community or family of origin, this belief that you need to always be producing to earn your worth, a belief of perfectionism or scarcity, Which is like, hey, there's only enough of juice to go around, right? Or here comes John being hired. So I need to either sabotage him or keep one upping him versus thinking there's enough of space for everyone. And once I go into scarcity, it completely goes, it's like the cousin of catastrophizing. Because once I realized, oh man, John's a new guy on the block. He's going to, there's only space for one of us. And I think, wow, you're doing so well and you're outshining me. Next thing I do is I see that I'm going to be fired. I'm not going to be able to pay my bills. We're going to be homeless. It happens like in a second. ([Time 0:03:41](https://share.snipd.com/snip/579a5a01-1798-485e-870d-2cc7dfb1db76)) - **BS Stories Undermine Leadership** - Psychological 'BS' like scarcity, perfectionism, and seeking external validation blocks self-leadership. - These default stories quickly escalate (scarcity → catastrophizing) and derail alignment with values. Transcript: Aiko Bethea So they could be the things in terms of we all have a community or family of origin, this belief that you need to always be producing to earn your worth, a belief of perfectionism or scarcity, Which is like, hey, there's only enough of juice to go around, right? Or here comes John being hired. So I need to either sabotage him or keep one upping him versus thinking there's enough of space for everyone. And once I go into scarcity, it completely goes, it's like the cousin of catastrophizing. Because once I realized, oh man, John's a new guy on the block. He's going to, there's only space for one of us. And I think, wow, you're doing so well and you're outshining me. Next thing I do is I see that I'm going to be fired. I'm not going to be able to pay my bills. We're going to be homeless. It happens like in a second. ([Time 0:04:10](https://share.snipd.com/snip/4b3becdf-2547-4dbb-99e4-d5b423dad6af)) - **Turn Values Into Actions And Impact** - Translate values into observable actions and expected impact, then check alignment regularly. - Example: if kindness is a value, the kindest action may be giving honest feedback to help Bob improve. Transcript: Aiko Bethea Yeah. So I could probably show you better than I could tell you. So I start off with asking people just top two values, because once you get to four, five, and six, it's just dilution. So John, what would you say one of your top values is? What is your top two? Top values? Well, I kind of shared one of them. John Jantsch I think that abundance, you know, is that the world's an abundant place is certainly one of them. And then I would like to say also kindness that, you know, that's something that's hard to in practice when you're, especially as a business owner, when you're forced with like people Punching you or it feels like it, but I would say those are pretty high. Aiko Bethea Yes. So when you're in an abundance in that value, what are you doing? You kind of told us a little bit, but just say a couple of the actions. John Jantsch One, as I said, you know, really certainly not viewing in the business context, not viewing people as competitors, but really viewing people as collaborators, you know, partners More often regardless of how the world might label them. Aiko Bethea Lovely. And then kindness. What does that look like? What are you doing? John Jantsch Well, probably starts with words, you know, really choosing words carefully and not, you know, not letting like the fact that I'm stressed out about a deadline or something of impact How I maybe show up in a meeting before that or something. Aiko Bethea Yeah. So you have this degree of intentionality about what you say and maybe there's behaviors that sounds like you maybe even pause before you say or do something. John Jantsch I sound like a really good person, don't I? Aiko Bethea You do. I want to look at you. You for sure. I want to look at you. And if we go back to your question that you asked, you said, why does it get in the way in terms of people being able to be anchored in their values? And because your values are so lovely, I'm going to take a different turn on this. What could get in the way of that is that our values also have a shadow side. Like when we over-index on them. And so it might be, John, that there's somebody who, let's just say your business, you have somebody who is, you know, perpetually coming in late, leaving early or something, and your Value is kindness. So you want to, you know, you want to be able to not like be yelling, you're being very intentional about the words you use, etc. And this is not the case for you, because I know that you're a mature leader, period. But what might get in the way of somebody really being in that, anchored in that value of kindness might be the shadow side where I'm not going to give Bob the feedback might land really In a hard place because my value is kindness. And so I don't want to hurt him. I also don't want him to feel like there's not enough space or room at the table for him. So I might not live into truly what that value of kindness is, which you'll go to the impact. Your impact isn't likely that you want Bob to keep underperforming. And if you keep thinking about it, you'd be like, the impact is I want Bob to be able to do his best. And so we would have to look at the impact and you're like, whoa, if I don't say anything, I'm actually not looking into my values. So that critical self-awareness and curiosity would take you to, wow, actually, my value would tell me that I need to give him this feedback. And that's the kindest I could be. So I want the impact to be that he is able to show up and do his best work. ([Time 0:06:04](https://share.snipd.com/snip/465d72cc-396f-4728-bae8-395526bac3c4)) - **Diagnose Gaps By Working Backwards From Impact** - Diagnose misalignment by naming desired impact, observing current behaviors, and asking what to do differently. - Example: if people stay silent, notice you interrupt or speak first and pause to invite others. Transcript: Aiko Bethea Usually in my coaching practice, I really do go in knowing that and believing that my clients are completely resourceful. I don't need to tell them or direct them what to do. As a matter of fact, me telling them isn't going to help them. Otherwise, they just read an HBR article and do what it says, right? The idea is the intrinsic motivation so that they are living it to who they want to be. So first, we'd start with what impact do they want to have? And what does that impact look like? And if the impact is not correlating, we know there's this motivation now like, well, we've got to do something different so they can notice what is actually happening in real time and Name it. People don't give me feedback. When I ask for ideas, they don't give them to me. When I actually try to get, have transparent conversations, people are quiet in the room. They always agree with me. And they're like, but I want people to bring some tension and to be able to give me certain feedback. Okay, so you're not getting the behavior you want or the impact. What are you actually doing? How do you want it to be? How are you going to actually get that from people? What could be getting in the way? And then they might learn, wow, I found out in getting in practically getting feedback or observing what I do is that when, you know, Beth actually tries to raise her hand or say something, I talk over her. Or I say my idea first and everyone kind of falls in. I help them to pause to note what are they noticing? How do they want it to be? And now what do you need to do to get there? And why is this even important to you? ([Time 0:12:05](https://share.snipd.com/snip/c0f3e2fa-0820-4b4b-ae02-7af4024bd3f1)) - **Make Accountability About Behavior Not Just Numbers** - Move accountability beyond metrics by defining how you want the organization to feel and behave in the future. - Use that vision to set behavioral expectations, not just numeric targets. Transcript: Aiko Bethea Yeah, we ask them. There's a lot of different techniques we use. And oftentimes in the book, I talk about this thing about looking forward, looking back, looking around. And I use the example of parenting. I think about how do I want it to be? And so with my kids, I think about what's the relationship I want to have with them 20 years from now, 30 years from now? And am I actually nurturing and exuding the behaviors that would lead to that? Where I'm not having kids who are estranged from me, but they actually want me to be around them. Curved a lot of things I do in raising my voice to make sure that, one, I'm a soft place to land. I'm a transparent, honest place to land. And I'm accountable for the ways that I am communicating with them or the impact I have with them. And I'm listening, et cetera. So with a business owner or something, I would want them to think about how do you want it to be X number of years from now? And it's not going to just be, I want my numbers to be here, what X, Y, and Z. They want to have some type of impact in their personal life with their employees. What type of culture do you want? And all of those things go to the how and not just the what. Not just the numbers, but also how do I want it to be in the organization? How do I even want to feel every morning when I know I'm going into X place? And that helps them to think about behaviors and not just this transactional component of the bottom line and the numbers. ([Time 0:14:35](https://share.snipd.com/snip/56905448-43f6-480f-9f4b-175494f0a6fb)) - **Being Misread Taught Her To Notice Invisible Voices** - Aiko shares experiences of being mistaken for a paralegal as a first-year attorney, which honed her sensitivity to who is unseen in a room. - She now proactively invites voices with less power and explains risks to create safety. Transcript: John Jantsch One, and thank you for asking that question, John. Aiko Bethea It helps me to notice people in the room who might normally be treated as invisible or not seen because I've been on that receiving side, going to argue a case as a first-year attorney And people presuming that I'm the paralegal. And so I know what some of the assumptions can be and how we can jump to conclusions. And it can be demoralizing for people. And it also makes us lose a degree of connection. And that means when I go into a room, I'm often thinking about who has the least amount of power in this room. And how could I actually have an impact on people that I don't want to have. So I check my stories. I check what in the room is going to accommodate people. I realize that me just coming into the room and saying, hey, Beth, team, I want you all to be fully honest with me and transparent without me actually naming also that I understand what The risks could be and why that might be scary for you. But I want you to trust that because of X, Y, and Z, this is what I'll do instead. So I might tell somebody, I know that you may feel like you're the only person who X, but I need to hear your voice. And I tell them what that value proposition is and getting this different innovation or different rigor, how it serves all of us and that I will not be throwing you under the bus for X, Y, and Z and recognizing that vulnerability is different for everyone. ([Time 0:16:17](https://share.snipd.com/snip/d042997c-3ea2-4ed4-8ab7-ab6474038038)) - **Model Psychological Safety With Response And Follow Up** - Model psychological safety by inviting risky feedback and responding with gratitude, curiosity, and follow-up. - When someone raises a concern, acknowledge risk, sit with it, then circle back honestly or change course. Transcript: Aiko Bethea Yeah, I think probably often modeling it. And when I talk about the terms of safe space, brave space, and psychologically safe space, I say that none of those actually own the idea of power and identity, et cetera. So as I'm also a business owner, I am aware that, wow, they feel like they're talking to the CEO and this is somebody who hires and fires. So this idea of one inviting not only critical thoughts or feedback that is critical of me in my decisions, but then when people give it to me, that's what's most important is how do I respond? So the idea of just the spirit of gratitude, recognizing, I know that may have felt risky for you to share that with me, but it was so important that I hear that because of X, Y, and Z. So holding myself one as somebody who's going to invite it and then holding myself accountable when someone says, hey, that didn't land, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and saying, oh Man, you know what? Let me, even if I don't agree, I'll say, let me think about it because I might be missing something and I'm going to come back and can we talk about it again? So they know I've thought with it, I get a chance to sit with it and I can circle back and say, you know what? I got that wrong and I'm so glad that you told me that. Or I might say, I'm really glad you told me that, but I don't know if I completely agree. So let's talk about this a little bit more. ([Time 0:18:51](https://share.snipd.com/snip/51af3ca2-0908-448b-9788-fa99383cb735)) - **Fix Vibe Problems By Contrasting With Healthy Relationships** - If you 'feel the vibe is off,' ask how you want to feel, then contrast that with moments that felt in flow to diagnose behaviors to replicate. - Use specific incidents as evidence to pinpoint accountability gaps. Transcript: Aiko Bethea Yeah. So we dig in at that point and we ask, you know, what is it that you're noticing or you're feeling? And sometimes people say, I don't even know. I just feel like the vibe is off. Right, right, right. That's what I mean. I can't name it. Yeah. So I'll say, well, how do you want to feel? And then they can go back to whatever the moment is. I'm going to feel like, I don't know, lighter. I want to feel like they can talk to me and I can talk to them. Whatever it is, they can start envisioning that. And then I might say, well, what do you feel is getting in the way of that now? Now they're starting to diagnose what it could be. They may be like, I don't know. Well, actually, X, Y, and Z, there was this weird moment where blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then we start seeing behaviors and moments. And what were you doing? What was happening? If you wanted to get to X, this delta of I want to feel lighter, I want to feel, what's that mean you might need to do differently? And sometimes it may not be in that scenario with that person. And we go all the way back and say, tell me how to relationship that you feel like you're in flow with and in sync, and you love this relationship. And we go through where the components and characteristics of it, what do you all do? What do you not do? And then we can go back to this other one as a Delta and say, okay, is any of that replicated here? You know what? As a matter of fact, we don't. When I see John, it's high and bi and there's nothing else. And then we realize, wow, having that interpersonal connection is important. ([Time 0:21:11](https://share.snipd.com/snip/79ad12d9-f205-43e8-9970-7f7cbf644170))